The alternative and true ME guidelines to activity . PART 1
How to make the most of energy .
1) Go to toilet and brush teeth at the same time
This will save you standing time of approximately three minutes per day.
2 ) take a cheese and pickle sandwhich with you to the above activity
Again not wasting valuable waking time.. Although depending on your pickle preference you may need to brush your teeth before and after sandwhich consumption. So this could become a more streunous task than necessary. You may require 40 winks on the toilet. Listen to your body you are the patient.
3) do not shower ever - it is a waste of energy, both in the exertion sense and in a global warming sense
4) if the phone rings talk without answering it- its probably just your mum or a sales agent from an Indian call centre. Also because I have Indian relatives we often have to sound each other out for a 10 minute stand of and this can be exhausting.
5) Order your food shopping on line and get it delivered . When the delivery man comes tell him you have got MS instead of ME. This way he will feel sorry for you and put it all away in your cupboards instead of dumping it on your foot at the front door and growling “sign here” as he thinks to himself “ME my arse” .
6) Drive your car on the wrong side of the road
This way people will move over and save you valuable travelling time
7) Copulation advice
If you don’t have a partner get one because having sexual activity performed upon you is much less taxing than doing it to yourself. Also women tend to find they cant remember where they left their accessories.
8) drawing money from an atm
don’t be fooled by trying to take out large amounts to save you repeat journeys…..you have no money
9) benefits/insurance claim advice
TBC
10 ) visiting you doctor
Nod and say yes to everything he says….then just let his tyres down on the way out. This may be difficult because you will have to get down on the floor - but you will find it takes up less energy than trying to educate the stupid ignoramus
11 ) send the above ten comments to NICE and the CAA so they know what the hell they are talking about
12 ) worship false idols like your tin opener and your microwave - these things can save your life
13 ) swap your 42 inch plasma colour tv with your best friend for his small portable black and white set. This will stop the issue of screen glare and your best friend will foolishly thing he has got the best end of the deal
How to make the most of energy .
1) Go to toilet and brush teeth at the same time
This will save you standing time of approximately three minutes per day.
2 ) take a cheese and pickle sandwhich with you to the above activity
Again not wasting valuable waking time.. Although depending on your pickle preference you may need to brush your teeth before and after sandwhich consumption. So this could become a more streunous task than necessary. You may require 40 winks on the toilet. Listen to your body you are the patient.
3) do not shower ever - it is a waste of energy, both in the exertion sense and in a global warming sense
4) if the phone rings talk without answering it- its probably just your mum or a sales agent from an Indian call centre. Also because I have Indian relatives we often have to sound each other out for a 10 minute stand of and this can be exhausting.
5) Order your food shopping on line and get it delivered . When the delivery man comes tell him you have got MS instead of ME. This way he will feel sorry for you and put it all away in your cupboards instead of dumping it on your foot at the front door and growling “sign here” as he thinks to himself “ME my arse” .
6) Drive your car on the wrong side of the road
This way people will move over and save you valuable travelling time
7) Copulation advice
If you don’t have a partner get one because having sexual activity performed upon you is much less taxing than doing it to yourself. Also women tend to find they cant remember where they left their accessories.
8) drawing money from an atm
don’t be fooled by trying to take out large amounts to save you repeat journeys…..you have no money
9) benefits/insurance claim advice
TBC
10 ) visiting you doctor
Nod and say yes to everything he says….then just let his tyres down on the way out. This may be difficult because you will have to get down on the floor - but you will find it takes up less energy than trying to educate the stupid ignoramus
11 ) send the above ten comments to NICE and the CAA so they know what the hell they are talking about
12 ) worship false idols like your tin opener and your microwave - these things can save your life
13 ) swap your 42 inch plasma colour tv with your best friend for his small portable black and white set. This will stop the issue of screen glare and your best friend will foolishly thing he has got the best end of the deal
