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What to do when CFS affects your relationship?

W

Wednesday's Child

Messages
17
My partner and I have been together for 10 years now. A few weeks ago, when he was feeling really low, he said that he has thought about breaking up with me in the past, but would feel bad doing it as my illness is not my fault. I was really shocked. I don't think he was seriously thinking about it - it's just something that has crossed his mind - but it worried me a lot. My illness drags him down, though I try hard not to be a burden. I think I'm pretty successful at sharing half the housework, I make a big effort to go to parties with him despite my PEM afterward, I usually nap before he comes home from work. He says that my illness doesn't affect him in a "real life" way, it just generally makes him sad.

Is there anything I can do? This just exacerbates my feeling that we're not an equal team. I want to be a real partner, not a liability. My CFS has improved a lot recently, and I wonder if he's stuck with the past image of me, and can't update it.

I would appreciate any advice.
 
SickOfSickness

SickOfSickness

Messages
2,566
Location
US
That is not surprising he might admit it "when he was feeling really low", and that it crossed his mind.

I'm glad you are still together and great that your CFS has improved a lot recently!

Of course it's going to make him sad though, since he cares about you a lot. It's just a part of the burden from the illness.

I liked your list of things you do to not affect him so much, and your attitude, wanting more ways. Do you do little extra things when you can? I read one ill person surprised her husband with a "cake in a mug". She found online how it was very easy to make, toss 4 or 5 ingredients in a mug and stick in microwave, but her husband was impressed, thinking it took her more time, and it was nice since he rarely got a treat she made. I think when we don't have energy we still have to do those small things and we have to look for clever shortcuts like that one.

If you keep improving or staying improved, he can change his image eventually.
 
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