Justy sounds just like me. Thankfully my child is nearly 22, but if she got sick and asked me to take care of her, I would. I guess that is what I mean by personality. "Someone has to do it!"
i would of done that too if I could of done, , if one gets too sick the "someone has to do it" thing, stops applying as things
become impossible to do and sustain no matter how much you want to do something.
Unfortunately my child at the age of 9-10 years ended up having to become a child carer (and also look after the house and a younger disabled child) as this illness actually bedbound me. I was left not being able to walk for most of the time (couldnt even walk to a toilet) for almost 9mths, my daughter had to be even doing things like emptying my potty for me as I couldnt carry it to toilet or even push it there.
If your child become sick with ME (hopefully that will never occur but each of our children have a 25% chance of that happening) and IF you could take care of her you would, just like the rest of us would do IF we could do it. (at this point it sounds like your ME still allows you to do things you really want to do and that is something you need to try to hold onto, so you need to TAKE CARE not to make it worst.
I do normally rest reclined on the couch, with everything within arms reach. It isn't enough any more. I have a tough time mentally laying in bed because my brain screams I'm being lazy and need to get up and do things, but that needs to change. I find if I lay down at least 2 hours per day, I at least maintain. But mentally that is so hard. I'm getting worse, and I do... not... want to quit working. Or push/crash to the point where I must quit and then not be able to take care of myself physically AND financially.
NO-ONE (well most of us) didnt want to quit working. I know I wasnt the only one here who loved my job.
Unfortunately with this illness we need to put our common sense before our own wants or if we dont this illness will end up giving us a lesson on it. It's starting to give you a lesson as you know you are getting worst, its telling you to slow down. You know you need to change something (that's a good start
) and you sound lucky if its as simple as just laying down for at least 2 hours a day to maintain and not crash.
This may seem like a big thing, big change but this illness can force changes with are HUGE (its not forcing you to completely leave your job and go on to disability at this point) and that is a small change it sounds as if its forcing you to make. (yes its a hard change to make with certain personalities but its a small one)
Can you talk to your boss and arrange a 2 hr lunch break every day in which you can lay down? (you could eat lunch while laying down while there). I had to buy myself a van and deck it out with a mattress and pillow etc so I could lay down when out. This allowed me to do far more for far longer then I would of been able to otherwise. This was just one management thing I had to do to be able to part time work longer. (I used to have to lay down and even sleep in the van before I could drive home from work).
Also if you maintain if you lay down for 2hrs a day, it makes me wonder how much of your problems are being caused by orthostatic intollerance. Do you know if you have that? Have you had it rule out? if you have it is it being treated well?
I think you also should see if you can get a day off mid week every week so you can split up your weekend chores (either that or pay someone to come in to do them if you have no one to ask for help).
Doing too much on weekends will not give your body a chance to potentionally recover from the ME and is likely over time to slowly make you worst (the slow worsening thing which can be harmful as many can more easily deny this is happening and by the time they are ready to accept they are being forced to change, its too late and their base line is lower). If you dont change now, you will be forced to cut even more then if you acted on this earlier.
Study severe ME and ask yourself "do i want to risk ending up like that?" Never think you couldnt get that bad. Get real with this illness and start taking care of yourself. People with it including yourself are not lazy, its a mind set you need to change. You are not lazy if you need to lay down for 2hrs every day to maintain or even improve your health. Keep reminding yourself the whys you are resting if you have to eg because this is a serious disease and I do not want to get worst....
every time you think you are being lazy cause you are needing to rest due to the ME.. work to change that wrong programming you have by reinforcing the reality of things.
I wish there was good CBT out there as I think if there was it would benefit you to slow down.
Can your kitty become an indoor/outdoor cat so it wont need a litter box and will meow to go outside when it needs to go instead?
Here's a good exercise a good social worker or counsellor would probably have you do. Have you ever wrote down the things you need to do in a column and then wrote down in a second column of changes which could be possibly done, whether you are willing to do them or not at this time as sometimes we change with time and go making changes we wouldnt have ever considered before. This can give awareness of chores which could be made to away or made easier in some way or sometimes another can add to your list of solutions.
Many of the things around my home, Ive had to come up with strange solutions for, really thinking outside of the box trying to make my life easier and more managable
eg a brought some wallabies to keep the grass down in my backyard and trained the cat to use the human toilet so I didnt have cat litter to worry about cleaning (I dont recommend that's hard), my latest is going to using recycle toilet paper ie family clothes (to save money and save time and energy during shopping as its one less regular item I'll need to buy there. The smaller my shopping lists the better and less likely I'll end up collapsed while out (getting my shopping list smaller was one of my solutions on "how to make shopping easier" list).
Anyway, if you havent done so try doing yourself lists of your current chores with possible solutions to see if you can think of new ways of making things easier.
cat litter solutions - get rid of cat (and get easier to look after pet?)
- train cat to use human toilet (that's what i did though dont recommend)
- automatic cleaning litter tray
- allocate the job to another member of household
- make cat an outdoor/indoor cat instead of just indoor