Memories don't feel real - is it just me?

[snowathlete]

Since having ME/CFS as well as the usual symptoms we talk about I also get a kind of thing where memories, even of yesterday or whatever don't seem quite real. Like I didn't live them, kind of like watching it on TV. I can tell you what happened, I've seen it, but I feel disconnected from it like it wasn't me, or something like that. Makes time pass by quickly too, the four years i have been ill has flown by i think in part because of this. Not sure I am explaining it that well. Does anyone else get this? I've assumed it's a symptom of the illness but thought I'd ask.

Oh look I just passed one thousand messages...

 

[heapsreal]

I get that feeling sometimes that things arent quite real, maybe this last 11 yrs with cfs/me isnt real. Sometimes i think we may spend too much time doing nothing that we are literally watching the world around us like its on tv. I dont think i live in the moment as much as i should, alot of my time i think about what the future holds with work, life etc. maybe living in the moment just isnt a nice place to be when one feels crappy.

I think i know what u mean and its hard to explain.

 

[beaker]

My brain feels swollen all the time. I call it helium head, for lack of a medical term.
This symptom makes me feel like I am viewing things through this filter of moggy brain. ( and this is different from foggy brain ! ) Maybe that is what you mean by

kind of like watching it on TV. I can tell you what happened, I've seen it, but I feel disconnected from it like it wasn't me, or something like that.

Some of these things are hard to describe, eh?
Does that sound like what you mean ?

 

[SickOfSickness]

Sounds like one of these or a mixture.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
It says sleep deprivation is one possible cause. And stress. I think anyone with an illness is prone to getting it. When a person has pain, I think it is one way of coping. As you said, it can make time pass more easily.

 

[snowathlete]

My brain feels swollen all the time. I call it helium head, for lack of a medical term.
This symptom makes me feel like I am viewing things through this filter of moggy brain. ( and this is different from foggy brain ! ) Maybe that is what you mean by


Some of these things are hard to describe, eh?
Does that sound like what you mean ?

Could be yeah, I have been saying the same to my wife the last few weeks, that my brain feels swollen in my head just like you described.

 

[Seewell]

With my brain fog (there is a cloud) and every day being pretty much the same,i feel this disconnect with the world around me.Like that movie Groundhog day.Ive gone within,and learnt to appreciate the small things in my life.
A beautiful Red Robin landed on the deck outside my window yesterday,looked inside
(about 7 foot away)and flew away.Made my day!

 

[snowathlete]

Sounds like one of these or a mixture.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization
It says sleep deprivation is one possible cause. And stress. I think anyone with an illness is prone to getting it. When a person has pain, I think it is one way of coping. As you said, it can make time pass more easily.

Stress - check!
Sleep deprivation -check!
Certainly sounds similar though I don't feel panicked or a lack of control. I'm still making decisions etc normally it's just it doesn't feel vivid and properly anchored to the moment. I think this feels especially true when remembering stuff that's happened.

 

[SickOfSickness]

Certainly sounds similar though I don't feel panicked or a lack of control. I'm still making decisions etc normally it's just it doesn't feel vivid and properly anchored to the moment. I think this feels especially true when remembering stuff that's happened.

I think there are different degrees of depersonalization and derealization. What you said reminds me of my experiences. Mine also seems related to memory and brain fog from ME and Fibro.

 

[heapsreal]

a few things i have tried in the past to improve brain fog that have worked well but ended up overstimulating me. One was reboxetine which is a noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor, i remember within a few hours the fog lifted and everything seemed much brighter visually and felt like i was in the picture not sitting back watching it, it was like having my own brain back i suppose. Only problem with this med is that i couldnt sleep so ended up with sleep deprivation from it. But the whole depersonalization thing is easier to recognise when it disappears so quickly. SOmetimes i think we have alot of neurons just sitting in our brain just not doing anything, wake up u dam lazy buggers.

cheers!!

 

[Valentijn]

a few things i have tried in the past to improve brain fog that have worked well but ended up overstimulating me. One was reboxetine which is a noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor, i remember within a few hours the fog lifted and everything seemed much brighter visually and felt like i was in the picture not sitting back watching it, it was like having my own brain back i suppose. Only problem with this med is that i couldnt sleep so ended up with sleep deprivation from it.

Reboxetine has a long half-life: 13 hours ... so basically a lot is still in your system at bed time. There are also NRI's that are cleared out faster, and using smaller doses might be as beneficial as larger doses, but without the over-stimulation.

 

[heapsreal]

Reboxetine has a long half-life: 13 hours ... so basically a lot is still in your system at bed time. There are also NRI's that are cleared out faster, and using smaller doses might be as beneficial as larger doses, but without the over-stimulation.

At the time i persisted with reboxetine for awhile until i just needed some sleep, supposedly the insomnia from the stimulation wears off. The actual recommended dosing is 4mg twice a day, i was using 1 mg once a day. The actual mental clarity also wore off but insomnia didnt, also another side effect is sweating 'alot'. It turned out not to be the med for me but that was awhile ago. It could work different now as i think my physiology has changed since then with other treatments. Im not in need of that type of treatment at the moment but it give me insite into how a normal brain should feel after having a brain full of cotton wool for so long.

cheers!!

 

[Tristen]

I used to describe it as feeling as though I were under water. And yes, still today, my memories are as if they were but a dream, rather than reality.

 

[Hip]

I don't have this symptom you are describing myself, but it sounds similar to derealization, which Wiki describes as:

An alteration in the perception or experience of the external world so that it seems unreal. Other symptoms include feeling as though one's environment is lacking in spontaneity, emotional coloring and depth. It is a dissociative symptom of many conditions, such as psychiatric and neurological disorders, and not a standalone disorder.

But you guys are saying that it is not the current reality and circumstances around you that are like a dream and unreal, but your memories of times past that don't seem quite real.

So it sounds like you have derealization of your past memories, if such a condition exists.

 

[heapsreal]

i think we are in away describing our own experiences of brain fog.

 

[Tristen]

i think we are in away describing our own experiences of brain fog.

Yep. And when severe, it wasn't just memories, but was also current perceptions.

 

[Junto]

Since having ME/CFS as well as the usual symptoms we talk about I also get a kind of thing where memories, even of yesterday or whatever don't seem quite real. Like I didn't live them, kind of like watching it on TV. I can tell you what happened, I've seen it, but I feel disconnected from it like it wasn't me, or something like that. Makes time pass by quickly too, the four years i have been ill has flown by i think in part because of this. Not sure I am explaining it that well. Does anyone else get this? I've assumed it's a symptom of the illness but thought I'd ask.

Oh look I just passed one thousand messages...

I believe that all cfs/fibro are in a chronically altered mental state and it's expression is different for each individual. In the past when my symptoms were far worse, I often felt as though I was in between the dream world and reality much of the time. Perhaps it was just severe brain fog, who knows.

 

[CatherineF]

I am suffering from severe brain fog - derealization. It is with me for 8 years now, and for the last 2 years it was worsening. Right now I am exhausted even trying to remember and recall things from my past, doesn't matter whether I want to recall something that happened year or week ago. I am looking for help, because so far nothing I've done works for me.

 

[ana_bxl]

Hi guys! In my hummble opinion, brain fog and derealization/depersonalization are two quite different things. The second implies an "emotional detachment" of everything: old memories and current events. One can suffer mild epissodes due to stress and lack of sleep but those are not quite the same as "the real deal". Actually, a friens of mine has had these for years. She thought at the beginning that she had mercury poisoning as the symptoms seemed to fit, then they just drop her to the "CFS bag" and recently she had tested positive for Bartonella and Borrelia. I have founded some pages where they explain that this acute episodes of depers. are due to these bacteries. I would like to find more patienets ( lyme) with the same symptoms as this can help her family understand. She needs their support in order to keep on with the treatment.....She does not speaks English very well, though, so I would be grateful if you can contact me...Ii will translate for her. Thanks a lot!

 

[Bob]

Since having ME/CFS as well as the usual symptoms we talk about I also get a kind of thing where memories, even of yesterday or whatever don't seem quite real. Like I didn't live them, kind of like watching it on TV. I can tell you what happened, I've seen it, but I feel disconnected from it like it wasn't me, or something like that. Makes time pass by quickly too, the four years i have been ill has flown by i think in part because of this. Not sure I am explaining it that well. Does anyone else get this? I've assumed it's a symptom of the illness but thought I'd ask.

Yes, I experienced this recently, during a major relapse.
All my memories grew distant, and it seemed like I hadn't experienced the past decade, since I had been ill.

Brain fog has always been my biggest complaint.
It makes my memories feel distant and vague, whereas I had a very vivid mental-life when well.

I've been ill for almost a decade, but sometimes it seems as if only a year has passed.
It sometimes seems like I haven't been living during the time I've been ill, but that I jumped from the start of my illness to now.
It's almost like I've not grown older on the inside, but everyone else has been continuing life as normal.
It's a bit strange when I meet old acquaintances who are a decade older than I expect them to be.

I put this down to two things...
Firstly the brain fog, which makes my memories vague, so I can't remember the past 10 years very vividly...
And also the very limited life that I've lead means that everything I've done over the past 10 years could have been fitted into one or two years if I was healthy, so I've had a very diminished life, with few memories to look back on. Perhaps this makes the past seem condensed.

 

[ana_bxl]

Dear Bob,
From what I gather ( fortunately, I do not get those episodes) and seen with her is that she can racioalice that she is with people but emotionally, she cannot process the info. Also, sounds and lights seems weirs for her, she cannot even recognize her own voice, like she is leaving in a psicodelic dream. She can be with you talking naturally and 2 minutes afterwards she does not recognice, she just keeps on talking to you because you seem a fairly not dangerous nice girl.....It is way mora acute that what has been described here. I also feel sometime like I am leaving in a movie, that I am a mere observer of my life but ,evene then, I can feel I am having a weird moment and that something id funny. She ca't, she really sees her life as it it was a movie...it is quite disturbing, actually...but nothing to do with brain fog ( I suffer it a lot ...I think I have a mini London in my brain by now...)