wabi-sabi
Senior Member
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- small town midwest
I got so annoyed at the FND people, I had to write a parody. I've been working on it a while and today I saw an article in NYT about brain damage in Navy SEALS. from their training. One bright light in the comments thought it was an FND, so I had to finish it.
There are two endings. Which do you like best?
A critique of functional neurology at the mechanic’s shop
Car Owner: Hi. My car isn’t running right. Can you fix it for me?
Mechanic: Sure. What seems to be the trouble?
Car Owner: Well, it loses power going up hills and vibrates awfully. If it’s a long hill, sometimes it even stops in the middle of the road if I don’t pull over in time. Alternatively, the brakes lock up. It’s supposed to have an anti-lock sensor system to prevent that, but it’s not working right somehow.
Mechanic: Oh, we hear that all the time. Your car has a functional mechanical problem. That means a problem with the car’s motion or sensing systems. Losing power and shaking is a classic example. But there’s no need to worry; it’s very fixable. Come back next week and we’ll have it sorted.
Car owner: Will you need to replace some parts? Can you give me an estimate on how much they might cost?
Mechanic: No worries there! All of your car’s parts are just fine. I won’t need to replace anything. That’s the definition of a functional mechanical problem. There are absolutely no structural problems with the car or its parts. They just don’t function together.
Car Owner: Well, I know they don’t function together. The car doesn’t run properly. That’s why I brought it in! And I don’t think I understand what you’re talking about. All of the parts are fine and the car is fine, but it won’t run?
Mechanic: Yes. That’s a very good layman’s definition for a functional mechanical problem. All of the parts are structurally fine, or anatomically fine if you were analogizing to a living creature, but they don’t work together.
Car Owner: I don’t see it.. I mean, the car is a machine. How can its parts all work and be structurally sound and yet the car itself not run?
Mechanic: Because running is the car’s function, not its structure. There’s nothing wrong with the structure; it’s a purely functional problem. It just doesn’t run right.
Car Owner: I know it doesn’t run! That’s why I brought it in! Look, can you fix my car or not?!
Mechanic: Of course. Don’t get so upset or you might give yourself a functional brain problem. Let me explain it this way: Your car doesn’t go. We will make it go. And the solution is quite cheap. Your car needs CBT. That’s Car Behavior Therapy, to make its parts work correctly.
Car Owner: You mean the ghost in my car’s machine needs therapy.
Mechanic: There’s no need to talk about immaterial entities like ghosts. We are mechanics. We deal with the rational, material world. That means no ghosts. You aren’t understanding the difference between a structure and a function. By the way, functional mechanical problems are not mental illnesses. We don’t stigmatize our cars by telling them they have mental illnesses. After all, a car doesn’t have a brain or a mind. How could it have a mental illness? It’s just a machine.
Car Owner: Well, at least we agree that a car is a machine.
Mechanic: Of course, a car is a machine and this is a purely physical problem.
Let me try to explain another way. Your car has a behavioral problem and we need to retrain it.
C: Retrain it? I need to take my car to the trainer, not the mechanic?
M: Well, there are special kinds of trainers for these problems we call CBT practitioners. Car Behavioral Trainers.
Car Owner: But isn’t that a type of therapy? You said it needed Car Behavior Therapy!
Mechanic: Not at all. You were the one talking about silly things like ghosts getting therapy. Didn’t I just explain it’s not a mental health problem? They aren’t therapists. They are trainers, because your car doesn’t have a mental problem. I want you to understand, your car’s behavior isn’t your fault and doesn’t reflect on you, the car owner. Cars just do this sometimes and need a sort of re education. It’s not a character flaw or an illness.
C: I just don’t think cars can be trained. Not like my dog, you know. No matter how many times I drive over the service bell at the gas station, my car never starts to drool at the pump.
Mechanic: You aren’t taking this seriously at all. No wonder your car has a functional mechanical problem. Cars don’t run properly in dysfunctional families.
Car Owner: Well, there’s that word functional again.
Mechanic: If we could return to the subject at hand? Here’s another analogy to help you understand. Just as a computer (another machine, I might add) has hardware and software, so does your car. Your car’s hardware is fine, but the software is malfunctioning.
Car Owner: So I need to get a software update? That’s the answer after that long explanation? Why didn’t you just say so at the beginning?
Mechanic: Oh no. The hardware and software thing is just a metaphor. In the analogy the software update is the CBT, the retraining your car needs.
Car Owner: But I thought we just agreed my car is a machine, not a disobedient puppy and can’t be trained. Your argument is getting more and more circular.
Mechanic: And I can see why your car has a functional mechanical problem! You are only making it harder for your car if you resist getting it treatment. Owners are so often resistant to treatment because they take it personally. It’s vey sad really. We so want to help people and their cars.
Car Owner: Let me get this right. All of the car’s parts are just fine. You can’t switch them out because that wouldn’t help. The new part would do the same thing, because it’s not the part it’s what the part does.
Mechanic: That’s it exactly. The part just needs to work properly.
Car Owner: But what is the machine other than its parts? I just don’t understand.
Mechanic: The machine has a function. That’s what its parts do. It’s not the construction of the part or the shape of the part or the metal or plastic the part is made from that is the problem. It’s what the part is doing or not doing.
Car Owner: And mine isn’t working! It won’t run! You know, it really sounds like you’re talking about teleology here.
Mechaninc: Tele-what? We are scientists, not philosophers. We don’t deal in metaphysics or immaterial beings. We just deal with physical parts and what those parts do.
Car Owner: Let me try giving you an example. I had really bad heart failure after years of neglecting my high blood pressure. My cardiologist tried to warn me, but, well, I just couldn’t take in my own mortality so I ignored it. My heart wasn’t working well at all. Thankfully I was able to get a heart transplant and I have my life back. Can’t you do that with my car?
M: Cars are a bit more complicated than hearts. Between ourselves, cardiology is just plumbing. But cars! Cars are the most complicated organs in the universe, really. That’s why I went into neurology. It’s the most fascinating area of medicine. I don’t just switch out ailing organs; I get organs to work properly again. I restore function and lives. Your car is yourself in a way that your heart just isn’t.
Car Owner: What is that way?
Mechanic: Your car gives you a sense of self. It’s the seat of consciousness, decision making, executive function and emotional regulation to name a few.
Car Owner: And the moving and sensing?
Mechanic: When that part of the car stops working it’s a functional mechanical problem. It’s quite different from other types of neurologic problems, really. Luckily, the functional problems are much more treatable.
Car Owner: Because the car parts are still OK?
Mechanic: Yes. I think you’re starting to understand. The parts just need to change their behavior and everything will be OK. It’s not like some of those difficult diseases where there are brain lesions or even death of neurons.
A Week Later..
C: I parked it in the front yard and turned it into a planter.
M: I’m so proud of you! Your car has done so well in therapy and has changed its function. Well done.
C: I think we’re having a fundamental disconnect here. But I’ve bought a new car. It runs good.
Alternate Ending, Week Later
Car Owner: I took my car to another mechanic. She cleaned the fuel injectors and now it runs just fine. No more shaking and stalling out.
Functional Mechanic: I told you the parts didn’t need replacements. They worked just fine all along! I was right. It’s wonderful to be able to help people and their cars this way.
There are two endings. Which do you like best?
A critique of functional neurology at the mechanic’s shop
Car Owner: Hi. My car isn’t running right. Can you fix it for me?
Mechanic: Sure. What seems to be the trouble?
Car Owner: Well, it loses power going up hills and vibrates awfully. If it’s a long hill, sometimes it even stops in the middle of the road if I don’t pull over in time. Alternatively, the brakes lock up. It’s supposed to have an anti-lock sensor system to prevent that, but it’s not working right somehow.
Mechanic: Oh, we hear that all the time. Your car has a functional mechanical problem. That means a problem with the car’s motion or sensing systems. Losing power and shaking is a classic example. But there’s no need to worry; it’s very fixable. Come back next week and we’ll have it sorted.
Car owner: Will you need to replace some parts? Can you give me an estimate on how much they might cost?
Mechanic: No worries there! All of your car’s parts are just fine. I won’t need to replace anything. That’s the definition of a functional mechanical problem. There are absolutely no structural problems with the car or its parts. They just don’t function together.
Car Owner: Well, I know they don’t function together. The car doesn’t run properly. That’s why I brought it in! And I don’t think I understand what you’re talking about. All of the parts are fine and the car is fine, but it won’t run?
Mechanic: Yes. That’s a very good layman’s definition for a functional mechanical problem. All of the parts are structurally fine, or anatomically fine if you were analogizing to a living creature, but they don’t work together.
Car Owner: I don’t see it.. I mean, the car is a machine. How can its parts all work and be structurally sound and yet the car itself not run?
Mechanic: Because running is the car’s function, not its structure. There’s nothing wrong with the structure; it’s a purely functional problem. It just doesn’t run right.
Car Owner: I know it doesn’t run! That’s why I brought it in! Look, can you fix my car or not?!
Mechanic: Of course. Don’t get so upset or you might give yourself a functional brain problem. Let me explain it this way: Your car doesn’t go. We will make it go. And the solution is quite cheap. Your car needs CBT. That’s Car Behavior Therapy, to make its parts work correctly.
Car Owner: You mean the ghost in my car’s machine needs therapy.
Mechanic: There’s no need to talk about immaterial entities like ghosts. We are mechanics. We deal with the rational, material world. That means no ghosts. You aren’t understanding the difference between a structure and a function. By the way, functional mechanical problems are not mental illnesses. We don’t stigmatize our cars by telling them they have mental illnesses. After all, a car doesn’t have a brain or a mind. How could it have a mental illness? It’s just a machine.
Car Owner: Well, at least we agree that a car is a machine.
Mechanic: Of course, a car is a machine and this is a purely physical problem.
Let me try to explain another way. Your car has a behavioral problem and we need to retrain it.
C: Retrain it? I need to take my car to the trainer, not the mechanic?
M: Well, there are special kinds of trainers for these problems we call CBT practitioners. Car Behavioral Trainers.
Car Owner: But isn’t that a type of therapy? You said it needed Car Behavior Therapy!
Mechanic: Not at all. You were the one talking about silly things like ghosts getting therapy. Didn’t I just explain it’s not a mental health problem? They aren’t therapists. They are trainers, because your car doesn’t have a mental problem. I want you to understand, your car’s behavior isn’t your fault and doesn’t reflect on you, the car owner. Cars just do this sometimes and need a sort of re education. It’s not a character flaw or an illness.
C: I just don’t think cars can be trained. Not like my dog, you know. No matter how many times I drive over the service bell at the gas station, my car never starts to drool at the pump.
Mechanic: You aren’t taking this seriously at all. No wonder your car has a functional mechanical problem. Cars don’t run properly in dysfunctional families.
Car Owner: Well, there’s that word functional again.
Mechanic: If we could return to the subject at hand? Here’s another analogy to help you understand. Just as a computer (another machine, I might add) has hardware and software, so does your car. Your car’s hardware is fine, but the software is malfunctioning.
Car Owner: So I need to get a software update? That’s the answer after that long explanation? Why didn’t you just say so at the beginning?
Mechanic: Oh no. The hardware and software thing is just a metaphor. In the analogy the software update is the CBT, the retraining your car needs.
Car Owner: But I thought we just agreed my car is a machine, not a disobedient puppy and can’t be trained. Your argument is getting more and more circular.
Mechanic: And I can see why your car has a functional mechanical problem! You are only making it harder for your car if you resist getting it treatment. Owners are so often resistant to treatment because they take it personally. It’s vey sad really. We so want to help people and their cars.
Car Owner: Let me get this right. All of the car’s parts are just fine. You can’t switch them out because that wouldn’t help. The new part would do the same thing, because it’s not the part it’s what the part does.
Mechanic: That’s it exactly. The part just needs to work properly.
Car Owner: But what is the machine other than its parts? I just don’t understand.
Mechanic: The machine has a function. That’s what its parts do. It’s not the construction of the part or the shape of the part or the metal or plastic the part is made from that is the problem. It’s what the part is doing or not doing.
Car Owner: And mine isn’t working! It won’t run! You know, it really sounds like you’re talking about teleology here.
Mechaninc: Tele-what? We are scientists, not philosophers. We don’t deal in metaphysics or immaterial beings. We just deal with physical parts and what those parts do.
Car Owner: Let me try giving you an example. I had really bad heart failure after years of neglecting my high blood pressure. My cardiologist tried to warn me, but, well, I just couldn’t take in my own mortality so I ignored it. My heart wasn’t working well at all. Thankfully I was able to get a heart transplant and I have my life back. Can’t you do that with my car?
M: Cars are a bit more complicated than hearts. Between ourselves, cardiology is just plumbing. But cars! Cars are the most complicated organs in the universe, really. That’s why I went into neurology. It’s the most fascinating area of medicine. I don’t just switch out ailing organs; I get organs to work properly again. I restore function and lives. Your car is yourself in a way that your heart just isn’t.
Car Owner: What is that way?
Mechanic: Your car gives you a sense of self. It’s the seat of consciousness, decision making, executive function and emotional regulation to name a few.
Car Owner: And the moving and sensing?
Mechanic: When that part of the car stops working it’s a functional mechanical problem. It’s quite different from other types of neurologic problems, really. Luckily, the functional problems are much more treatable.
Car Owner: Because the car parts are still OK?
Mechanic: Yes. I think you’re starting to understand. The parts just need to change their behavior and everything will be OK. It’s not like some of those difficult diseases where there are brain lesions or even death of neurons.
A Week Later..
C: I parked it in the front yard and turned it into a planter.
M: I’m so proud of you! Your car has done so well in therapy and has changed its function. Well done.
C: I think we’re having a fundamental disconnect here. But I’ve bought a new car. It runs good.
Alternate Ending, Week Later
Car Owner: I took my car to another mechanic. She cleaned the fuel injectors and now it runs just fine. No more shaking and stalling out.
Functional Mechanic: I told you the parts didn’t need replacements. They worked just fine all along! I was right. It’s wonderful to be able to help people and their cars this way.
