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- 14
Hi all,
At first, I need to apologize because the content below is the same as my introduction thread, but this board seems to have more visibility and I am in despair and making my family suffer too so I ask you to forgive me to also post this here. I need to do something. I have a positive ANA test, I don't know if I developed MCAS, or methylation issues so I don't know where to start.
First, I need to provide some context. I have been on benzos since 2018, and now I’m on my third taper attempt. But more importantly, before a very stressful episode that I am going to describe, I was doing a slow second taper of diazepam holding on 7.5 mg while also using luvox and 200 mg of pregabalin. I deal with pre-existing OCD, and by that time, I was using 1.8 g of NAC daily for months. I remember 2 days when I skipped it, and on both days, I felt very anxious. So maybe it also helped to manage the symptoms, or maybe it has its own withdrawal symptoms that I didn’t finish before the stressful episode.
Due to a diagnostic of pangastritis and esophagitis I decided to taper off the supplement and I finished maybe too quickly before the stressful episode I am going to mention (I found some wd stories of NAC on reddit and it seems that it can influence the HPA axis). Due to the diagnosis my doctor told me to cut gluten and dairy, and so I did it. I was more or less one month free from both before the episode. Also, my taper was not going fine: I was dealing with some degree of sensory overload that started on my first attempt to quit benzos (started when I reached 0.4mg of Valium after a crosstaper from Xanax) to the point that I was unable to play video games, stand in videoconferences, or play complex board games while listening to music (it was one or another). Insisting would cause of feeling of "frying brain" in my right temple that could make me disabled for a day or more. Typing on my phone too much would also cause that.
Despite all that, I was living a normal life: driving across the city, going to karaoke bars, meeting and talking with friends, doing some exercise, watching TV, reading, and listening to music with no discomfort until the episode.
About the episode: I had an appointment with an ENT and decided to use the subway to go there. Life was pretty normal to me before that. I was 3 months gluten and dairy free (so, gluteomorphin and caseomorphin withdrawal might be a possibility), and on that day, on the subway, I noticed that the noise from people talking, the train door signals, and the train at full speed was too much, I was stressed and overwhelmed, and the place was still far away, but I decided to endure it because I was concerned with something regarding my hearing; until after after 40 minutes, I decided to take the train back home and sat for another 40 minutes of all that. I was covering my ears and closing my eyes at that point. The worst part was that, cancelling the consultation and being in the subway station closest to my home, I still left my car in a parking lot nearby, so I would need to drive for 15 minutes. That was horrible. I can't even describe well the degree of anxiety and stress while in my car. I thought I would have a stroke and prayed along the way, but I was unable to reach home. I needed to call my parents to take me and my car.
After this, my vital signs dropped and didn’t get back to normal. Even 1 year and 5 months later, I haven’t fully recovered. I used to have a 120/80 BP, and now it’s 100/60 or 100/50 (I’m not talking about BP at rest). My pulse is around 58 to 61 BPM at rest, more or less.
I barely have appetite, and before that it was normal. Currently, I can't read, watch TV, listen to music, and even listening in a conversation can make me exhausted and with the "frying brain" sensation I mentioned before. I added gluten and dairy back, but it didn't help much. I even up-dosed Valium in despair. Still, it didn't help.
Now I am scared that I might have developed a permanent condition. I don't know if the drugs aren't letting me recover or if the episode of stress had a permanent damage, given that I hadn't this condition before. I feel discouraged, too tepid, and in despair.
Is there hope for me or I probably developed CFS and / or dysautonomia? It's worth saying that I am also experiencing body fatigue even with mental effort. Changing the pregabalin dose to 100 and 100 to 125 to 75 also seem to have made me worse. There aren't experts on benzos or CFS that I know where I live, so your experiences and views are welcomed. I don't know what to do now, and I don't know who to schedule an appointment here in Brazil.
All the boredom, the disability, the suffering I cause to my parents and to myself makes me have bad thoughts.
I still have 200mg of pregabalin and 12mg of diazepam to taper and I don't know it is tolerance to these meds or if it is CFS. I am almost going to a reference hospital here for a quick assisted taper like in one to three months because I am tired of having those substances in my body and dealing with tolerance. Using LDA scares me as I think my CNS is sensitive and I am scared about the possibility of akathisia.
I took NAC to type and post here so maybe I will not be able to stay active on the thread but read it. Using devices are being hard for me.
I want to have my life back, and I pray to have health again.
TIA
At first, I need to apologize because the content below is the same as my introduction thread, but this board seems to have more visibility and I am in despair and making my family suffer too so I ask you to forgive me to also post this here. I need to do something. I have a positive ANA test, I don't know if I developed MCAS, or methylation issues so I don't know where to start.
First, I need to provide some context. I have been on benzos since 2018, and now I’m on my third taper attempt. But more importantly, before a very stressful episode that I am going to describe, I was doing a slow second taper of diazepam holding on 7.5 mg while also using luvox and 200 mg of pregabalin. I deal with pre-existing OCD, and by that time, I was using 1.8 g of NAC daily for months. I remember 2 days when I skipped it, and on both days, I felt very anxious. So maybe it also helped to manage the symptoms, or maybe it has its own withdrawal symptoms that I didn’t finish before the stressful episode.
Due to a diagnostic of pangastritis and esophagitis I decided to taper off the supplement and I finished maybe too quickly before the stressful episode I am going to mention (I found some wd stories of NAC on reddit and it seems that it can influence the HPA axis). Due to the diagnosis my doctor told me to cut gluten and dairy, and so I did it. I was more or less one month free from both before the episode. Also, my taper was not going fine: I was dealing with some degree of sensory overload that started on my first attempt to quit benzos (started when I reached 0.4mg of Valium after a crosstaper from Xanax) to the point that I was unable to play video games, stand in videoconferences, or play complex board games while listening to music (it was one or another). Insisting would cause of feeling of "frying brain" in my right temple that could make me disabled for a day or more. Typing on my phone too much would also cause that.
Despite all that, I was living a normal life: driving across the city, going to karaoke bars, meeting and talking with friends, doing some exercise, watching TV, reading, and listening to music with no discomfort until the episode.
About the episode: I had an appointment with an ENT and decided to use the subway to go there. Life was pretty normal to me before that. I was 3 months gluten and dairy free (so, gluteomorphin and caseomorphin withdrawal might be a possibility), and on that day, on the subway, I noticed that the noise from people talking, the train door signals, and the train at full speed was too much, I was stressed and overwhelmed, and the place was still far away, but I decided to endure it because I was concerned with something regarding my hearing; until after after 40 minutes, I decided to take the train back home and sat for another 40 minutes of all that. I was covering my ears and closing my eyes at that point. The worst part was that, cancelling the consultation and being in the subway station closest to my home, I still left my car in a parking lot nearby, so I would need to drive for 15 minutes. That was horrible. I can't even describe well the degree of anxiety and stress while in my car. I thought I would have a stroke and prayed along the way, but I was unable to reach home. I needed to call my parents to take me and my car.
After this, my vital signs dropped and didn’t get back to normal. Even 1 year and 5 months later, I haven’t fully recovered. I used to have a 120/80 BP, and now it’s 100/60 or 100/50 (I’m not talking about BP at rest). My pulse is around 58 to 61 BPM at rest, more or less.
I barely have appetite, and before that it was normal. Currently, I can't read, watch TV, listen to music, and even listening in a conversation can make me exhausted and with the "frying brain" sensation I mentioned before. I added gluten and dairy back, but it didn't help much. I even up-dosed Valium in despair. Still, it didn't help.
Now I am scared that I might have developed a permanent condition. I don't know if the drugs aren't letting me recover or if the episode of stress had a permanent damage, given that I hadn't this condition before. I feel discouraged, too tepid, and in despair.
Is there hope for me or I probably developed CFS and / or dysautonomia? It's worth saying that I am also experiencing body fatigue even with mental effort. Changing the pregabalin dose to 100 and 100 to 125 to 75 also seem to have made me worse. There aren't experts on benzos or CFS that I know where I live, so your experiences and views are welcomed. I don't know what to do now, and I don't know who to schedule an appointment here in Brazil.
All the boredom, the disability, the suffering I cause to my parents and to myself makes me have bad thoughts.
I still have 200mg of pregabalin and 12mg of diazepam to taper and I don't know it is tolerance to these meds or if it is CFS. I am almost going to a reference hospital here for a quick assisted taper like in one to three months because I am tired of having those substances in my body and dealing with tolerance. Using LDA scares me as I think my CNS is sensitive and I am scared about the possibility of akathisia.
I took NAC to type and post here so maybe I will not be able to stay active on the thread but read it. Using devices are being hard for me.
I want to have my life back, and I pray to have health again.
TIA
