Feeling 'inhibited' in social situations

[Jo86]

Here's what I mean:
- as I've uttered out a couple of words to someone, I already feel like I'm a tad breathless, which might make me stutter the rest of the sentence (I focus hard not to).

- someone talks to me, and the interaction feels like I'm under tremendous pressure. Like a weight is over me. I need to look away (eye contact is energy-devouring), walk around (like standing still is inhibitory and I need to gather some rhythm, somehow). It's like I'm focusing REAAAAALLY hard on something, just talking to someone.

- my voice has a tendency to break. It feels like just speaking at a normal volume to someone is like the effort of shouting for me, making it more likely I'll stutter, feel breathless etc. Speaking at a low volume makes everything a lot better (rhythm, calmness, ability to make longer sentences etc), but I can only do this with ppl I feel close to (eg., not at work).

Do you feel this "inhibition" ? What could cause THAT ? I mean brain fog, yes, but where would that come from ? Brain inflammation, gut inflammation (histamine, or similar) ?

 

[lenora]

Hello @Jo86. The cause could be as simple as not being with people for a length of time. We're then very self-conscious of what we say and do.

Fortunately, saying that you can't talk for long b/c of throat problems, will help you. If it's hard to look in their eyes, then look just above them and at the last minute glance into their eyes. We do have to learn how to behave in social situations even if we're "normal" and young.

It's understandable that if we're out of this behavior for a time, we can revert to not wanting to be with people.
Even when health, I did best with a few people and even better when it was one on one. For example: I really disliked cocktail parties, but a dinner party was entirely different and I liked that.

Just do your best....and if you have friends and neighbors, invite them over for coffee on occasion. I don't know your background, so please excuse me if I'm totally off-base. Yours, Lenora

 

[linusbert]

Here's what I mean:
- as I've uttered out a couple of words to someone, I already feel like I'm a tad breathless, which might make me stutter the rest of the sentence (I focus hard not to).

- someone talks to me, and the interaction feels like I'm under tremendous pressure. Like a weight is over me. I need to look away (eye contact is energy-devouring), walk around (like standing still is inhibitory and I need to gather some rhythm, somehow). It's like I'm focusing REAAAAALLY hard on something, just talking to someone.

- my voice has a tendency to break. It feels like just speaking at a normal volume to someone is like the effort of shouting for me, making it more likely I'll stutter, feel breathless etc. Speaking at a low volume makes everything a lot better (rhythm, calmness, ability to make longer sentences etc), but I can only do this with ppl I feel close to (eg., not at work).

Do you feel this "inhibition" ? What could cause THAT ? I mean brain fog, yes, but where would that come from ? Brain inflammation, gut inflammation (histamine, or similar) ?

could be social insecurities. you seam to care alot about not stuttering. reframe, elon musk stutters... its totally ok.
the energy deficiency makes this harder to cope with. after all social abilities are energy consuming like everything else. maybe you even had some social insecurities before becoming sick, but back then you could cope better.
in a way i think this is actually psychological btw. brain wired subconscious thing (what a stupid made up word, but i dont know the correct one). i am not saying its psychiatric.
i have something similiar, for some people i am already exhausted when they are just in the room. and its even family which exhausts me the most - they come in my room and i am drained.
then there are people, i can have 30min conversations and sometimes even a debate.
i am in a nursing home, i have people coming into my room multiple times a day. sometimes we have brief conversations. and those regular visits dont cost my much energy at all.
but when i get visits from persons not constantly around me i am immediately burned out.

in your case some form of NLP or behaviour training might actually help. it wont solve the energy problem, but it might make it that your energy demands for certain social situations becoming less straining.

i train myself to get into some kind of robot mode, detaching myself from people and reality (a bit).
i suck at eye contact to, need to constantly remind me to do it.. my eyes always go stray, but when i do i do it actively and i play a game, whoever can keep eye contact longer wins. i usually win now after years long of training, just when they break eye contact watch also somewhere else to not seam like a psychopath.
sounds childish but actually transforms this away from a life threatening social situation to something playful.

you could also imagine you are a actor and this discussion is just happening in a movie.

or i imagine a stressful person into someone i like.


of course this is all nuts and you might find better ways to rewire your brain to take the stress out of those situations. maybe checkout NLP?

but that said, lack of energy at some point makes every social situation exhausting and takes away confidence, like lenora wrote.

 

[hapl808]

Yeah, when I wasn't housebound, the lack of energy definitely made social stuff harder. For me, just the same way that before I might feel if I had a cold - you don't feel filled with energy and confidence when you're fighting your way through a cold. Now I feel 24/7 worse than I ever felt 'healthy' with a cold, so...

 

[Jo86]

thx for the replies. I, like many, may carry a bit of natural shyness indeed, but look:
on some days I just have that physical feeling that, despite the intense fatigue and brain fog, I just feel a bit "fuller" in my chest, inside, a bit warmer and less oppressed, and that my voice can come out a bit fuller, I just don't feel as inexplicably anxious, and vulnerable, and inhibited. It's 95% physiological. Some days, you just don't have that anchor that pulls you down no matter what you try during the day. It's just not there as much, and it's clear as night and day between having the weight and not having the weight. Nutrition plays a role for sure. Surely, without a doubt, that is physiological/chemical. I don't know what exactly causes it, though.

 

[linusbert]

thx for the replies. I, like many, may carry a bit of natural shyness indeed, but look:
on some days I just have that physical feeling that, despite the intense fatigue and brain fog, I just feel a bit "fuller" in my chest, inside, a bit warmer and less oppressed, and that my voice can come out a bit fuller, I just don't feel as inexplicably anxious, and vulnerable, and inhibited. It's 95% physiological. Some days, you just don't have that anchor that pulls you down no matter what you try during the day. It's just not there as much, and it's clear as night and day between having the weight and not having the weight. Nutrition plays a role for sure. Surely, without a doubt, that is physiological/chemical. I don't know what exactly causes it, though.

i did not say causation was not physiological. my point was that some things might help if actual stress arises from that situation to cope better with less energy loss.
i was not explaining your cause of issues but providing a idea how to maybe live better with it.

when i was "healthy" i also had episodes of feeling harder to speak. usually it was a annoying shortness of breath which periodically came when talking. it was harder to speak, exhausting... i kept talking to a minimum and used shorter answers.
could have already been back then a energy problem.
but also could have been allergic asthma - which i back then believed was the problem.
in that case your histamine theory might be possible.
maybe famotidin or another histamin blocker might help.
famotidin actually is for keeping stomach pain at bay, but it also seams to help with lung problems in that regard.