Depression at the end of a crash

[L'engle]

Just curious if others have a similar pattern. When I have post exertional crashes that last several days, my emotions aren't too bad for most of, it but it's at the end, generally when I'm sort of expecting the crash to end, that the depression symptom really kicks in, for a day or two. Since my self esteem and what-have-you are generally not bad throughout the rest of my illness sequence, being hit by this suddenly and for a very specific length of time is really noticeable. Some mild PTSD things that are normally completely gone are apt to raise their heads, and negative brow beating thoughts have to be kept continually at bay. I know this is a total figment, since I'm generally ok with my life situation and don't face massive stress on a daily basis.

I'm trying to decide whether to route it off by lying in bed and resting, or whether to try playing a computer game to drown it out, or whether to just go somewhere and park the car and stare at the water for a bit to get me out of the house in a way that doesn't take too much exertion. Going for a walk or reading a book feel too daunting at the moment. Don't worry, I'm not remotely in danger of self harm, just feel like my spirit animal is a whining puppy today.

As a fun game, I'll enjoy tallying votes for what I should do today, lol! See, I can still laugh! I guess I could watch a sad movie to draw out the tears and get it done with.

 

[Merry]

No, L'engle, I have not experienced this pattern, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are feeling low. I'd say you've come up have some good coping strategies. But I guess you're asking which might be the best strategy. I hope that someone here at PR can say something really useful.

I've just checked the emoticons hoping I could find something to give you. A bouquet of balloons doesn't seem quite appropriate. Balloons are never enough, are they? But maybe a giant hot-air balloon with a basket for you to sail away in. Unless you are afraid of heights, oh dear.

 

[CJB]

Just curious if others have a similar pattern. When I have post exertional crashes that last several days, my emotions aren't too bad for most of, it but it's at the end, generally when I'm sort of expecting the crash to end, that the depression symptom really kicks in, for a day or two. Since my self esteem and what-have-you are generally not bad throughout the rest of my illness sequence, being hit by this suddenly and for a very specific length of time is really noticeable. Some mild PTSD things that are normally completely gone are apt to raise their heads, and negative brow beating thoughts have to be kept continually at bay. I know this is a total figment, since I'm generally ok with my life situation and don't face massive stress on a daily basis.

I'm trying to decide whether to route it off by lying in bed and resting, or whether to try playing a computer game to drown it out, or whether to just go somewhere and park the car and stare at the water for a bit to get me out of the house in a way that doesn't take too much exertion. Going for a walk or reading a book feel too daunting at the moment. Don't worry, I'm not remotely in danger of self harm, just feel like my spirit animal is a whining puppy today.

As a fun game, I'll enjoy tallying votes for what I should do today, lol! See, I can still laugh! I guess I could watch a sad movie to draw out the tears and get it done with.

Yes, this happens to me fairly reliably. It depends on what kind of crash, but if it's from overdoing physically, I can pretty much count on at least a day of the blues.

Shooting off a nasty letter to a politician always helps.

Driving to the park and watching the kids play for awhile, yes.

Getting someone funny on the phone.

A doughnut.

A movie.

Reminding myself that it will pass.

Hang in there!

 

[Dreambirdie]

This kind of depression is familiar to me also. It happens with both viral episodes and as a result of overdoing. When it's not too overwhelming, I can usually detach myself enough from it to not take it too seriously. I look upon it as a funky emotional weather forecast (big black clouds of YUK), and remind myself that it will eventually pass.

When I am not able to detach from it, I try to find ways to use the mood creatively, to express it by painting or singing. I think of it as cath-ART-sis. Wailing crazy blues and Native American sounding chants in the bath tub is particularly effective, and almost always defuses most of the angst.

Talking to someone who understands can be very helpful. Or going into a daydream fantasy, where you are surrounded by nurturing loving healing people. Or watching a movie about something or someone that inspires you, or that you have a lot of good feelings about can be a good antidote too.

Ultimately, these kind of moods are just temporary hallucinations, caused by wacky brain chemistry. They are not the REAL CORE OF YOU. If you can remember that, it can be very liberating.

I wish you release and relief.

 

[L'engle]

Thanks all! I decided to just watch a movie clip that was guaranteed to make me cry. It worked: I was crying for ten minutes straight then lay down for a while and it was all god. Still felt sick and weak but my thoughts were back to their usual self. Drawing out hte tears seems to be working better than my other strategies I've tried in the past. Since there's nothing actually there, really, I didn't want to start venting it on anyone when it's just things my mind is making up that aren't even there most of the time. I got over it in two hours his time, where usually it draws out for a day or two. It may come back today, I'm not sure but at least it didn't take over my whole day yesterday. think my mind would have just kept making stuff up if I hadn't found a way to cry.

 

[Dreambirdie]

Good for you, L'engle. Sometimes release is the best thing of all,

 

[L'engle]

The secret seemed to be finding something that was nostalgic/sad/sentimental without being actually depressing or angering. I can see how your chanting in the tub could be very therapeutic, DB!

When I was teenager I used to be depressed a lot, but I also used to cry very easily, so I got over the emotions quickly each time. (Sometimes every day) I don't seem to cry easily about real life issues anymore, no matter how bad I feel, so I needed to find something external guaranteed to create an emotional response. In a way this was more pleasant than affixing it to anything reality related.

 

[jeffrez]

I generally go into a massive tailspin emotionally from a crash, not really biochemically but situationally -b/c of how discouraging & frustrating it is, wondering if you'll ever improve again, or if you will whether you'll regain your pre-crash level of functioning. Don't usually start feeling better until that first glimmer of recovery, like that first day when you think you notice maybe a 1 or 2 percent improvement. Tried crying ("Wendy & Lucy" does it every time), but that seemed only to make the crash worse. These days I just try to stay positive and ride it out. Glad you're feeling better, though. : -)

 

[Dreambirdie]

The secret seemed to be finding something that was nostalgic/sad/sentimental without being actually depressing or angering. I can see how your chanting in the tub could be very therapeutic, DB!

When I was teenager I used to be depressed a lot, but I also used to cry very easily, so I got over the emotions quickly each time. (Sometimes every day) I don't seem to cry easily about real life issues anymore, no matter how bad I feel, so I needed to find something external guaranteed to create an emotional response. In a way this was more pleasant than affixing it to anything reality related.

Hi L'engle--

E-motion without the motion can be a treacherous place, a place of EEEEE! if you know what I mean. It's not the feeling itself that is the problem, it's the mind getting glued into the belief that the feeling will never change/will last forever, and then reacting with fear to that thought, which feeds it even more.

Like you, I have found that movies, or songs, with a strong (usually melancholic) feeling tone bring me into greater acceptance of my own feelings, and that often helps to get them moving, which brings release from feeling stuck in them. Resistance to feeling what I feel always exacerbates and intensifies it... that which we resist is guaranteed to persist. If I am able to embrace my mood, no matter what it is, and find a way to move with it, that ultimately helps me find freedom from it, which, strangely, was there all along.

 

[hurtingallthetimet]

hello L'engle sorry to hear that you are going through this...i have depression and take medications for it but since being ill i am more depressed, i hate being ill, i hate not being able to do anything much anymore i hate these illness..

i hope that you feel better...im on seroquel generic {though weaning off due to weight gain} take it for depression and insomnia and it does help but gained a ton of wieght on it...im also on celexa..but as i said my depression is on going but defenitely worse since being ill...it wears a person being so ill

 

[L'engle]

hi hatt, sorry you are experiencing depression on a regular basis. I did have it a lot more when i was out on my own fending for myself, even though I am sicker now.

 

[SickOfSickness]

Shooting off a nasty letter to a politician always helps.

Just curious if others have a similar pattern.

I don't overdo it often, and my crashes are usually 1 day or 2 days. It's easier to weather the shorter crashes, and know the mood will lift soon. It's still hard even having 1/2 day to 2 days of the depression.

When I get a cold or flu, my depression is worse after 3 or 4 or 5 days of being ill. It's just worse when you've been experiencing it day after day already, and knowing you're not at the end yet. While I'm in the middle, it feels like it may never end.

 

[liverock]

Like you, I have found that movies, or songs, with a strong (usually melancholic) feeling tone bring me into greater acceptance of my own feelings, and that often helps to get them moving, which brings release from feeling stuck in them.

For me a good driving Frank Sinatra song helps with the getting rid of depression, possibly reminding me subconciously of better memories associated
with the song in the past. Like this one for instance......................

 

[Mary]

Just curious if others have a similar pattern. When I have post exertional crashes that last several days, my emotions aren't too bad for most of, it but it's at the end, generally when I'm sort of expecting the crash to end, that the depression symptom really kicks in, for a day or two. Since my self esteem and what-have-you are generally not bad throughout the rest of my illness sequence, being hit by this suddenly and for a very specific length of time is really noticeable. Some mild PTSD things that are normally completely gone are apt to raise their heads, and negative brow beating thoughts have to be kept continually at bay. I know this is a total figment, since I'm generally ok with my life situation and don't face massive stress on a daily basis.

I'm trying to decide whether to route it off by lying in bed and resting, or whether to try playing a computer game to drown it out, or whether to just go somewhere and park the car and stare at the water for a bit to get me out of the house in a way that doesn't take too much exertion. Going for a walk or reading a book feel too daunting at the moment. Don't worry, I'm not remotely in danger of self harm, just feel like my spirit animal is a whining puppy today.

As a fun game, I'll enjoy tallying votes for what I should do today, lol! See, I can still laugh! I guess I could watch a sad movie to draw out the tears and get it done with.

I tend to get in a very black mood at the end of a crash - I will feel like killing someone almost - feel very angry, and I generally avoid talking to anyone at that time because I know I would say something I would later regret. It happens like clockwork, lasts close to a day and I just ride it out, knowing it will pass. I don't know if it's physiologicial or just pent up frustration and rage at this insane illness. It's sort of like PMS a little - I used to get in horrible moods prior to my period and would pick a fight with my now ex-husband (yeah, wonder why! no, that wasn't it) Anyways, it was predictable, and once I learned what I was doing, I became very careful to not take it out on him and so then I dreamed I had a fight! It was almost funny ....

 

[svetoslav80]

I'm absolutely the same L'engle. And I was wondering if there are others like me so thanks for posting this. I don't actually suffer PEM but I suffer some similar crashes which I believe are either the same or worse, and they continue very long - two weeks shortest, but sometimes more than a month. At the end, I always suffer very strong depression and anxiety. Anxiety because of the fear that it will happen again.

 

[L'engle]

It seems to be when my mind and body are 'almost' ready to be able to do a bit again but not quite. I suddenly remember what I want to be doing, which I put aside somewhat during the crash itself.