I've found supplements/drugs that did propel me into states of health temporarily - only to have my body, for some reason, reject that health - and crash - usually leaving me temporarily worse off. So I am back to the slow mind/body approach.Basically, I'm learning to harness the power of the Force!
I suspect this is the key to my flight/fight response beginning to turn off at last, thus allowing physical healing. No matter how many pills I took to support and heal my body, it could do little good if my body's own healing systems had been turned off by a wonky 'on/off' switch.
"Some have a path we are meant to follow. I think great sickness and tragedy has led me to mine and though it sounds odd, I am grateful."
Given this realization it then occurred to me how invaluable an opportunity this disease gives me to practice- I would have never chosen such an existence, but now that it's been chosen for me the best thing I can do is embrace it AS THOUGH I CHOSE IT.
Not too long ago I was exiting the main terminal at Dulles Airport when I spotted a familiar face:
“Randy MacNamara?” I exclaimed. He had been one of my original est trainers. “November ’75, Boston,” I told him, by way of identifying myself. After a few remarks back and forth, I said, “Well, it was a great weekend, twenty years ago.” And in true trainer form, he instantly got to the point:
“Does it still impact your life?”
“Well…sure, yes,” I replied. And then he hit me with what I thought to be an amazing question:
“Daily?” he asked.
I remember well Randy MacNamara’s dramatic explanation of what we were to expect when we left the est training: the possibility of believing we’d lost it and that things were worse than ever and everything was falling apart and the training hadn’t worked. Then, after allowing us to contemplate that in silence for a moment, his deep, booming voice filled the room:
“YOU FORGOT TO CHOOSE!”
Choose what?
“What you got! Choose what you got, choose what you got, choose what you got,” he explained, and eventually you’d be out of the water. Or not even eventually, which implies that time is required for transformation: the est training was in the spirit of “sudden Zen,” for the possibility of “choosing what you got” exists now and always. And in the very moment you really make that choice, you come unstuck, for you had merely been resisting the isness of the moment you were given.
A friend of mine once said, "What would you say about this if you were dreaming it?" Which is a little different than choosing, but not all that different. If this situation were a dream, how would I interpret it?
This thread is fascinating. I recently read "How to be sick," in which a Buddhist practitioner with CFS uses what she has learned to help her deal with her illness. Much of the stuff about choosing is similar. And reading Sobel's account of running into his trainer, Randy, was great. Randy was also my first est trainer and I remember him vividly.
I've been thinking a lot lately about choosing where I am, and seeing the positive side of it. I don't have to get up and drive in traffic! I can lay here and read for as long as I want! I can watch TV and movies without feeling guilty about not cleaning the house! I can knit for hours if I feel up to it! There's a certain comfort and freedom in that. While working at my high-stress job, which I had to leave due to CFS, I felt like my brain was getting so crammed full that I didn't have time to process it. Well now, I can take that time for the first time in my adult life, which was busy so with working and raising children. More and more, I'm starting to feel the perfection of where I am now, and amazingly, my health has improved a bit since I quit resisting so much.
This thread is fascinating. I recently read "How to be sick," in which a Buddhist practitioner with CFS uses what she has learned to help her deal with her illness. Much of the stuff about choosing is similar. And reading Sobel's account of running into his trainer, Randy, was great. Randy was also my first est trainer and I remember him vividly.
I've been thinking a lot lately about choosing where I am, and seeing the positive side of it. I don't have to get up and drive in traffic! I can lay here and read for as long as I want! I can watch TV and movies without feeling guilty about not cleaning the house! I can knit for hours if I feel up to it! There's a certain comfort and freedom in that. While working at my high-stress job, which I had to leave due to CFS, I felt like my brain was getting so crammed full that I didn't have time to process it. Well now, I can take that time for the first time in my adult life, which was busy so with working and raising children. More and more, I'm starting to feel the perfection of where I am now, and amazingly, my health has improved a bit since I quit resisting so much.