Anger, what you all do?

[Elike]

How do you all handle the anger
I am so angry when I am feeling slightly better.
Though I have to add, that I am back in the abusive household I grew up, like so many of us.
My mother is something else. But I have no choice. Sometimes I am suicidal.
I am so angry
What happened to us
And what is done to us from everyone around us.
When the Anger subsides I resort to stoicism, but not the healthy one.
I can't anymore.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

am so angry when I am feeling slightly better.

thats one way I can tell I"m feeling a bit better: more energy/what have you...is required to actually FEEL stronger emotions etc. Like Angry and frustrated.

 

[wabi-sabi]

Well... this might be a bit small minded or petty, but at the moment I am fantasizing about writing letters to some of the docs that gave me especially bad care. I'm not writing to the ones that just didn't have a clue, but the ones that should have known better and still gave me harmful advice. I am even thinking about reporting them to the board of medicine.

On the other hand, I also try to notice when my anger gets too out of hand and unhealthy and then acknowledge that to myself. It doesn't make the anger just magically go away, but it lets me use techniques like meditation or binge watching something until it passes. Because it does pass or at least decrease if I stop fueling it. Then I can make a decision about how I really want to handle the injustice, which I always find is better when not blinded by rage!.

 

[belize44]

Anger is something that exhausts me. There is lots to be angry about for sure! Mostly I struggle with anger's petty cousin; irritability. Sometimes watching a violent movie makes me feel better, lol.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I'm not writing to the ones that just didn't have a clue, but the ones that should have known better and still gave me harmful advice. I am even thinking about reporting them to the board of medicine.

If you can do something like that with some calm detachment, maybe you should?

Could such an action protect others?

We still regret this dental issue we had: we needed to report them up the entire CHAIN. Total THIEVES. Instead I just walked out and never went back, and my husband who had a war with them, copped out too.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Anger is something that exhausts me

Anger is totally toxic to ME bodies. I cannot get into these stressful extreme states without paying. BIG TIME.

Like when my neighbor was at the door cursing me....she wants to fight with somebody so pick the invalid next door, right?

she moved good bye

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Sometimes watching a violent movie makes me feel better, lol.

I use fictional stories alot to sort of work through crap. I am also really good at fast forwarding through medieval tortures scenes.

Sometimes a nice big Dragon Roasting some Bad Guys is quite fulfilling.....

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I am so angry
What happened to us
And what is done to us from everyone around us.

its really hard, and your situation is also so tough because of how we feel when our lives aren't really launching. And the past baggage is all still surrounding you.

so many of us have issues with Mom, Dad, etc. So then your still having to deal with all that when you'd be better off more focused on getting better.

Can you somehow create a separate reality? Can you put on more defensive clothing and be LESS AFFECTED by the abusive aspects of whats going on? Its like the story in our head, can you reframe that story to make it a bit less painful? That your doing BETTER at not letting it get under your skin.

Sometimes I just imagine being a duck. Quack Quack, the rain drops don't bother ducks that much...

Its like a game we play with ourselves, to attempt to rewire the thoughts (which are entirely valid, this anger)...but we know it snot likely to help much, unless it spurs you to action.

Anger is NOT all bad. It can be Righteous. But we can't dwell there long.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Then I can make a decision about how I really want to handle the injustice, which I always find is better when not blinded by rage!.

thats also a sort of major point about it all.....

 

[wabi-sabi]

I use fictional stories alot to sort of work through crap.

Ooh, I do this too! It's really helpful and many times I am drawn to a particular story I need to hear and then afterwards I figure out why I needed to hear it. It really helps me sort out my internal states and deal with them more positively.

 

[Forward]

Well... this might be a bit small minded or petty, but at the moment I am fantasizing about writing letters to some of the docs that gave me especially bad care. I'm not writing to the ones that just didn't have a clue, but the ones that should have known better and still gave me harmful advice. I am even thinking about reporting them to the board of medicine.

On the other hand, I also try to notice when my anger gets too out of hand and unhealthy and then acknowledge that to myself. It doesn't make the anger just magically go away, but it lets me use techniques like meditation or binge watching something until it passes. Because it does pass or at least decrease if I stop fueling it. Then I can make a decision about how I really want to handle the injustice, which I always find is better when not blinded by rage!.

its really hard, and your situation is also so tough because of how we feel when our lives aren't really launching. And the past baggage is all still surrounding you.

so many of us have issues with Mom, Dad, etc. So then your still having to deal with all that when you'd be better off more focused on getting better.

Can you somehow create a separate reality? Can you put on more defensive clothing and be LESS AFFECTED by the abusive aspects of whats going on? Its like the story in our head, can you reframe that story to make it a bit less painful? That your doing BETTER at not letting it get under your skin.

Sometimes I just imagine being a duck. Quack Quack, the rain drops don't bother ducks that much...

Its like a game we play with ourselves, to attempt to rewire the thoughts (which are entirely valid, this anger)...but we know it snot likely to help much, unless it spurs you to action.

Anger is NOT all bad. It can be Righteous. But we can't dwell there long.

Yes! You certainly can reframe your "story!" And, ya know what? If you become the least bit interested in your new story self a PET scan would show the beautiful new self in color! Viktor Frankel, a psychiatrist, became imprisoned during WWII. He lost every thing and every one he loved. For long months his days consisted of picking up rocks. Didn't matter what the weather was, nor what it was supposed to represent. He wasn't young. He began reframing what and why he was imprisoned. For days at a time he began "talking" with his dead wife...outloud! The guards would tell him to shut up, but he just ignored them like they had called a wrong phone number. He was starving, chained to other people, some of them died during a work day, so he was being dragged down....still, when he woke each morning after sleeping on a wood platform, Viktor just smiled, because HE was going to see and talk with his wife yet again. After the war he wrote a small book...look for it. It's an easy read, but has sold millions and been translated into lots of languages. At the moment I don't have a copy in my hand, but have given them as gifts to all kinds of people who are dealing with chronic, frustrating, painful, costly illnesses, injuries, worse -- case situations. I have yet to have anyone say a thing except, "Wow!"

 

[hapl808]

I journal a lot. I used to find it more helpful, though. Once I became more severe, I found myself getting caught in loops and re-analyzing the same things over and over and over. It used to be more of a creative outlet, now it's for a catharsis that never arrives.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I journal a lot. I used to find it more helpful, though. Once I became more severe,

I was journaling also, keeping tabs on this and that, making note of things worth noting. Tracking some of this illness, and other fixes I tried. I still have some of the notebooks.

currently, I hardly do any of that any longer. Even that became hard. And I disorient, looking back at these ...notes from the past- here is the day in March 2018 I went to a museum! I was standing up in a museum for at least two hours?

Now, I probably cannot go to the same museum. Its like a record of what I won't be likely to do any longer.

I had some dreams, back then. Now? I don't even recall the notion of MAYBE I dreamed something.

SHOCK and HORROR

Or you find all the notes from some fix you were doing...long abandoned.

 

[wabi-sabi]

I can't journal anymore either, although it was helpful in the past. It's just too effortful, physically and mentally. I tell stories to myself in my head instead.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I tell stories to myself in my head instead.

you mean stories, like "I'm fine"....?

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I can't journal anymore either,

Looking at tip of a pen or pencil somehow eliminates my urge to write anything down any longer.

 

[wabi-sabi]

you mean stories, like "I'm fine"....?

And doing exciting things!

Or sometimes I fantasize about being able to shower, dress, and go to the grocery store all on the same day. That sounds pretty exciting right now.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Or sometimes I fantasize about being able to shower, dress, and go to the grocery store all on the same day.

Why would anybody want to do that?

(LOL).....

I had these plans for tiny tiny field trips. Just to places within a few blocks.

How do I report that really not a single one of them happened?

 

[Elike]

Thank you for taking the time for answering.
I am in this loophole between extreme emotions like anger and after a while back to a worse stage, where said emotions are like luxury. Once I regain a better stage, like now with all the medication I take, it helps a little, anger and depression are the first to surface.

Still I did exhaust myself and it will take time to answer all of you or even get through to read your kind answers.
Thank you all

 

[Anchoress]

This thread has been a revelation and a sadness - for all out there/
Maybe it is old age... maybe my simple faith.... most of all my deep chosen and circumstantial solitude. NB circumstantial came first and was hard as not chosen. So many problems are due to relationships with others. With family and work mates. And loved ones who feel we cut them off? I am now a loner physically with distant contacts with loved ones, and at peace with that. I used to find being with folk who have and had no idea what this illness puts us through so draining. So eg out here on the island no one has any idea . I stay apart. Just essential contacts. And long distance contact with loved ones for support in that area, As so few GPs have any real idea? That shocked me at first. Then I simply focussed on the aspects they can help with especially pain relief and telling them what has helped in the past, and i just get repeat prescriptions, and any urgent needs. Which out here often means swift air "medical evacuation" to the mainland hospital . I am a loner by nature now. When I came here there was a serious issue with the GP who serves this island, until I realised that it was not just me affected. So that was sorted and as M.E is not something ordinary GPs come across? So I sort this myself. But then I am old and with no responsibilities etc so I can do that easily enough.