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I want to cry.

Discussion in 'Finances, Work, and Disability' started by KellyJoanne, Jan 5, 2014.

  1. KellyJoanne


    I've just had to phone in sick to work AGAIN. I was off work on Thursday due to being absolutely shattered and unable to drag myself out of bed until 6pm. I was all set to go in again today but I've contracted a nasty cold which I seem to get affected by more than anyone else. My manager's reaction when I said I couldn't come in was "Really? Again....?" I feel absolutely rubbish and I don't know how to deal with it any more.

    Everyone in my life started off being supportive, but now they think I'm giving up too easily. They say things like "just try to go in for a few hours and see how you feel" or "It's only a 6 hour shift, do that and then you can go back to bed." They don't understand that I simply can't get out of bed to even get ready for work or make myself breakfast some days, let alone actually go to my shift.

    I feel I will lose my job soon. I have already received one disciplinary for absence and my manager tells me that I will be going to investigation for another one as my absence hasn't improved. I feel so stressed about it all the time and the fact that I struggle to make it in for 2 shifts a week makes me feel like I'm a complete failure.

    I have been feeling lately like I should leave, but then what would I do? I live with my parents and they can't support me easily without my wage helping out. I'm so confused, I just need some help.
  2. Ambrosia_angel

    Ambrosia_angel Senior Member

    Hi. I know how hard it is. I checked your other post and I am a few years younger then you and have been diagnosed with cfs.
    Stress is really the last thing you need. Before work or anything else is you body. You need to focus on helping and improving that first because you can't do anything if your body isn't in the best shape it can be. So if it comes down to stopping work then maybe you have to. Do you know what caused your fatigue in the first place? Because that could be a start in figuring out how to treat it.

    Don't cry though. I know it seems hard but the more positive energy you hold the better you will feel in looking at ways to help and improve your situation. Throughout this I've had periods of helplessness and quite bad what I'm sure was depression. but I've found that the best antidepressant was trying to focus on a cure and look to treatments that may help me and have helped others on this forum. When I was first diagnosed I thought this would be forever but there are people that improve and a handful that even get cured.
    Best wishes
  3. brenda

    brenda Senior Member


    Its really not a good idea to keep pushing yourself as it can mean that it will take longer for you to recover, which you have a fair chance of with your age if you start to treat it. It could knock you out for years though.There are losses involved with this illness, but you are in the right place to get support and advice and yes there are plenty of people your age who have it. I think that this is the best site for those who are looking for ways to recover, but there are other sites out there perhaps with more young people, but still, there are young people here.

    Seeing as your GP sounds supportive you should get benefits, and DLA if you have certain problems like cooking a full dinner by yourself. There is loads of information about cfs/me that you can print off to give to people so they can understand and stop pushing you which is the worst thing really.

    Later on there may be ways you can earn some money at home.
  4. Ambrosia_angel

    Ambrosia_angel Senior Member

    Well DLA from my experience probably wont do much(anything) and I'm sure it's PIP now. If you can do either personal care, prepare food, and aren't using aids then you won't get anything. Because you wrote that your in the London area before then I'm positive of that.
    But you could get employment sickness allowance or something like that. Or maybe employers support allowance.
  5. lnester7

    lnester7 Seven

    Idea: there is a way to take FMLA so you are protected legally where you do not need to take the whole time at once but as you get sick. So they cannot fire you for being sick a lot.

    My boss offered it to me but I haven't done it yet, there is another employee with Fibro that does it that way.
  6. SickOfSickness

    SickOfSickness Senior Member

    ME/CFS is horrible :(

    You're pushing your body past its limits, which could have long term consequences :( You said you need the money, but consider all other options.

    Are you trying to work 5 days in a row? If you can, get one of your days off in the middle of the week, so you only do 2 days, day off, 3 days, day off. Still a lot in a row, but better. Or otherwise rearrange your schedule if that employer allows. If not, I would seek a job where you can.

    On days off you have to rest extra, and not push yourself at all. There are others on this forum who work all week and crash all weekend, because they have to :(
  7. Esther12

    Esther12 Senior Member

    I'm afraid that the benefits system in the UK is really shit and abusive now.

    Have you tried speaking to your GP about this? Is there any sort of legal disability protection available to you? Is there any way of 'officially' registering oneself as disabled at work? I'm afraid that I don't know much about this stuff, but my impression is that there is not much real protection for those suffering from health problems. Are there things you could do at work that would be easier for you? eg working a til sitting down?

    I think that it's important to avoid blaming yourself for your health problems, and also to realise how weird and confusing it is for the people around you. That's not to excuse them behaving poorly, but it will be strange and scary for them as well as you, and this can lead to them treating you unfairly.

    I don't think that there is any easy way of dealing with this, and I'm afraid that it's quite likely that you are in for a difficult time, and you should try to be kind and supportive to yourself about this.

    Have you spoken to your dr about possible connective tissue problems? Having a diagnosis related to this can make things socially much easier than just a CFS label (which is not to do down the problems faced by people in those groups).

    Best of luck.
  8. caledonia


    OH, USA
    I'm not familiar with the UK system, but if you have disability benefits through work, then it's time to use them.

    Another option is to let them fire you, then get unemployment benefits. Though technically that would mean you're supposed to be looking for work. If you could possibly handle a sedentary job in a sustainable way (a lighter form of the work than you're doing), you could try that.

    If you're not able to work full time, then you're probably eligible for disability starting from the date you were unable to work full time. Getting fired from your job would actually be "good" as it would show that you were trying to work, but couldn't.

    It would be good to have the support of your doctor for disability. In general, you don't want to keep pushing, it could make you a lot sicker, for a long time.
  9. taniaaust1

    taniaaust1 Senior Member

    Sth Australia
    Im with what the others have told you. It isnt good to be pushing your self like you currently are trying to do so and is likely to make you worst. Seek out very supportive doctor who would be willing to back that you may need to get disability. If you end up getting fired due to missing too many days due to being too sick.. I guess it would be in your favour as it would show you arent capable of doing the type of work you regularly do now.

    Many of us cant work and need to be on disability pensions of some kind or another.
  10. Snow Leopard

    Snow Leopard Hibernating

    South Australia
    Valentijn likes this.

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