MYSTERY DISEASE STRIKES CFS RESEARCHERS!!
Wednesday, April 15, 1998
Although a series of isolated incidents in recent years has given rise to the rumor that a mysterious neuropsychological illness has been striking medical researchers engaged in the study of chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia, tragic evidence displayed at the CFS International Research Conference in Sydney, Australia in February left no doubt that this mysterious and frightening disorder does indeed exist, and that it can strike apparently rational, competent scientists with a bizarre cognitive dysfunction which causes them to "fog out" even the most convincing scientific evidence and pursue fantastic pseudo-psychological lines of research which lead nowhere but deeper into their own abysses of irrationality.
For years, examples of this strange disability have been witnessed here and there by the CFS/FMS community: in dozens of cases, prominent physicians with legitimate medical credentials have become incapable of comprehending the masses of scientific data describing physical components of CFS and FMS, and have been reduced to the pathetic repetition of nonsensical phrases like, "It's all in their heads," or "Cognitive behavioral therapy is the only thing that works," as if they were chanting some strange religious mantra. Indeed, some observers have speculated that an obscure religious cult whose aim is to abolish medical science may have brainwashed the innocent doctors so that they become incapable of recognizing medical evidence and procedures. All doubt about the existence of the mystery disease vanished at the Sydney conference when, in the midst of two days of lectures by respected medical researchers who presented solid evidence of the physical abnormalities in CFS patients, a sad group of three men took the podium and proposed a set of "guidelines" for the treatment of CFS which were primarily psychiatric in orientation. Observers noted that many of the "catchword phrases" which have been demonstrated to be symptomatic of the disorder were prominently featured in the presentation, including "cognitive behavioral therapy," "rehabilitation," "depression," and "exercise."
This instance, in which three men were stricken simultaneously with an almost unprecedented severity of symptoms, was described by some observers as a "cluster outbreak" of the disorder, which lends weight to the hypothesis that the mystery disease may have a viral or bacteriological origin. Conference attendees would be wise to watch out for similar symptoms in their own behavior which could indicate that they, too, have been infected. Such symptoms could include prescribing daily treadmill therapy in the treatment of a broken leg, or psychoanalyzing a case of tonsillitis.
Although the origin of the mystery disease is still unknown and no effective treatment has been discovered, it should be noted that the cluster outbreak pattern would seem to preclude a purely psychological cause, and therefore it is respectfully suggested that, in naming this very serious illness, such epithets as "Showalter's Mania" and "Wessely's Ga-Ga Syndrome" should not be given serious consideration. The most commonly used name, DGBS or Doctor Gone Bats Syndrome, is more descriptive but considered by many DGBS sufferers to be too pejorative and likely to lead to misapprehension by the general public. One DGBS patient agreed to be interviewed by cfsmail on condition of strict anonymity. His eyes filled with tears as he described the effect of the mysterious disease on his life and medical practice. "One day I prescribed aerobic exercise for a woman with CFIDS," he said. "Then I went home and tried to water my gardenias by baking them in the microwave." Gradually his gaze unfocused and his speech became confused. "Or did I prescribe aerobics for the gardenias and put the woman in the microwave?"
Whatever name is finally chosen, it should be remembered that this is a serious disease which clearly has a disastrous impact on its victims' ability to perform scientific analysis, and may even cause their colleagues to snicker at them behind their backs. The victims of this tragic disorder should be treated with sympathy and understanding, and should not be blamed for the profound neuropsychological dysfunction from which they suffer.
NOTE: Just in case any of you has gotten this far without figuring it out, the above article is entirely fictitious. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
cfsmail@earthlink.net http://home.earthlink.net/~cfsmail/
