Help, worried that my husband has now got me/cfs

[coxy]

Hi everyone,
I'm really worried about my husband, he has been getting a progressivly worse memory over the last 6 mths, his memory was fantastic before , sleeping really badly i.e he wakes at 2.30am and can't get back to sleep for ages, and then wakes again by 6am. More colds, eye infections (we haven't caught anything off of him), joint problems, and since xmas keeps getting hit by massive mental tiredness(as he calls it). He plays squash a couple of times a week, and recently when he's played he looks and feels absolutely terrible. He came in on saturday and looked as white as a sheep, you know the colour we all know so well!

He went to the doctor yesterday to get MORE antibiotics for his ongoing conjunctivitus. I asked him if he mentioned not sleeping etc & typical man only asked if he could be generally looked over, when the doctor asked as to why, he said no reason particarly just that at age 51yrs he thought he could do with a check up. I'm really worried as he NEVER makes a fuss about anything or worries me with any of his ailments.

Have any of you passed on ME/CFS to your husbands/partners/wives/girlfriends? We already have 3 members out of 6 with me/cfs in our house. Myself (for 2 years), my daughter(for 7yrs), my son( for 4yrs).

 

[markmc20001]

Hiya,

sorry to hear that coxy

massive mental tiredness is something I have, along with everything else.

Cordycepts helps me with mental fatigue. Some of that might be due adrenal fatigue.and is something maybe worth looking in to.

hope this finds you well

 

[Esther12]

It sounds like it could all be related to his poor sleep. I'd concentrate on trying to improve that for now. This might touch some buttons - but it could be stress. If you're only able to get a couple of hourse sleep a night, you're going to feel pretty terrible.

 

[Alice Band]

Coxy,

I also worry about my husband. Over the years he has had ups and downs in his health but never developed anything like CFS or ME.

When my husband had cancer treatment he did get very tired and rundown for a long time but eventually he came back to himself again.

I do know that the stress of being the major breadwinner and viral infections can hit him hard and he sometimes takes a while to recover from things.

It could be another health problem of course. Any chance of getting your husband to talk to an understanding doctor and to get a health-check to make sure that there isn't something (CFS or something else) happening.

My heart goes out to you all. We didn't have children and it must be difficult for you both to cope (especially with CFS). Your husband could probably do with some more support and a proper holiday.You all could probably do with this.

Is there anyone else in the extended family who could help?

 

[Andrew]

I once asked on a different board if family members came down with CFS. I got some positive answers.

BTW, you might want to make a short list of the symptoms and insist your husband hand the list to the doctor. Then ask him not to down play the list, because he is keeping the doctor from doing a good job.

 

[coxy]

hi, he has recently asked the gp if their is a general MOT available on the NHS, she said she'd find out and ring him, but of course she hasn't. I wish there was someone we could contact for more help, but who. At the weekend when our rabbit had a problem and i had to ring the vet, there service was a million times more caring than our human medical service, they rang back, spoke to me for ages about the rabbit, told me who to call on monday, it just made me realize even more how alone we all are in coping with this.
I'm sure the stress my husband has dealing with all this hasn't helped him one bit. I feel guilty every day that he comes in from work and has to cook our dinner. It seems the symptoms he's showing are the very same symptoms i had for about a year before i finally got a flu virus that sent me into full blown ME/CFS. I almost feel he's a ticking time bomb.
Sorry to hear about yuour husband, i hope he's doing ok now.

Coxy,

I also worry about my husband. Over the years he has had ups and downs in his health but never developed anything like CFS or ME.

When my husband had cancer treatment he did get very tired and rundown for a long time but eventually he came back to himself again.

I do know that the stress of being the major breadwinner and viral infections can hit him hard and he sometimes takes a while to recover from things.

It could be another health problem of course. Any chance of getting your husband to talk to an understanding doctor and to get a health-check to make sure that there isn't something (CFS or something else) happening.

My heart goes out to you all. We didn't have children and it must be difficult for you both to cope (especially with CFS). Your husband could probably do with some more support and a proper holiday.You all could probably do with this.

Is there anyone else in the extended family who could help?

 

[Alexia]

Hi, I can imagine that you are worried, I also worry about my husband sometimes. It could be many things other then CFS. From what you describe it sounds a lot like Adrenal Fatigue. Maybe he could do that saliva test that gives more accurate information about the adrenal function. I think you can order it on the net from a lab there in USA.

 

[julius]

Hey coxy, it's kind of funny about the vet thing. Just yesterday I brought our cat to the vet and the first thing I said to my wife when I got back was exactly what you just said. A million times more thorough than the GP's.

You say NHS so I assume youre British. I am Canadian and we also have socialized medicine. But the vets are private. I wonder if that's something to do with it. I am all for socialized medicine, but in practice there are a lot of problems.

About your husband, if he isn't interested in getting this sorted out, then I think sadly he probably won't. It's hard enough even when your fighting tooth and nail to get some help.

 

[SickOfSickness]

Sorry to hear this. I am sort of passionate about this topic of course, so forgive me for sounding this way, I do not want to offend anyone. I think anyone who is "at risk" really needs to wake up and take measures as soon as possible. I mean, anyone who has CFS/ME/Fibro/etc in a relative especially a close relative like a parent. And then the other people who are close to us, like spouses. And really anyone in general who is going around stressing themselves every day. These people in my opinion, still have the chance to turn this around and not end up sick. Obviously I don't think most of us did this to ourselves, but I think that someone who is stressing their immune system is way more likely to get sick with some kind of viral crap which will become a chronic issue and severely limit their lives. Maybe not a high chance but we are all proof that it happens. I would just hate to see people get ill when they could've done something about it. Mostly the stress and pushing themselves... if they have that kind of personality, I think they are the type to not want to stop even when sick. Most of us eat all kinds of crap because in this country, even if you try to eat healthy, a lot of it isn't that good, it's often still processed with a lot of nutrients destroyed. So... my point is, if there are any indications, do whatever you can and convince him of how important it is to do little things NOW and every day from now on.

 

[hvs]

Have any of you passed on ME/CFS to your husbands/partners/wives/girlfriends? We already have 3 members out of 6 with me/cfs in our house. Myself (for 2 years), my daughter(for 7yrs), my son( for 4yrs).

There has been a small 2006 study that suggests that people in the same household (related and unrelated) can pass CFS between themselves. Unlike the Imperial College/Wessley paper, this one was peer-reviewed.

Here's the abstract:
'Abstract
The prevalence of CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and chronic fatigue were investigated in family members of CFS patients using a questionnaire-based study. Significant differences were seen between the prevalence of CFS in all groups of family members relative to the published community prevalence of 0.422% (spouses/partners: 3.2%, p < 0.001; offspring: 5.1%, p < .001; parents and siblings: 1.1%, p < 0.02; second and third degree blood relatives 0.8%, p < 0.02). The prevalence of CFS was higher in genetically unrelated household contacts and in nonresident genetic relatives than in the community, indicating that both household contact and genetic relationship are risk factors for CFS.'

Prevalence of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue Within Families of CFS Patients, Journal Of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Volume 13, Issue 1 September 2006 , pages 3 - 13.

 

[coxy]

i have just booked my husband if for the best private medical possible on the 4th feb. They will check everything it seems including an exercise test. They know nothing of my concerns, so it will be interesting if anything comes to light, although as you know most tests in the uk tend to come back normal for me/cfs sufferers. I'm almost wishing something does show up, so it steers him away from it being the dreaded me/cfs, does that sound terrible?

 

[kwietsol]

I'm almost wishing something does show up, so it steers him away from it being the dreaded me/cfs, does that sound terrible?

That does not sound terrible at all. It would be great for everyone if he does have something -- something that is quickly curable.

I'm very sorry about you and two of your kids being sick and I've admired the ways you are coping. Best of luck for getting that husband of yours healthy again!

 

[hvs]

They will check everything it seems including an exercise test. They know nothing of my concerns, so it will be interesting if anything comes to light, although as you know most tests in the uk tend to come back normal for me/cfs sufferers.

If his VO2 max (exercise test) comes back very low they'll have to do some gymnastics to try to explain it away (as something other than a wrecked metabolic process).
Any sense in getting on Klimas's or Levine's waiting list now (yes, I know that you're in the UK, alas) in case there are signs of cfs/me (which, of course, you'll probably have to interpret yourself?