WoolPippi
Senior Member
- Messages
- 556
- Location
- Netherlands
My parents want to come visit next Thursday.
I replied: "can't do, I'm recovering from a few weeks in the city. But you're very welcome on Feb 27?"
- oooh, that's sooo far into the future... we'll have to see about it... (with lots of silent accusations)
Now I feel quilty.
Even though I do the right thing keeping to my schedule and keeping my life uneventful instead of accommodating them like I used to do. Feb 27 really is the first available date, until then I am resting and I have plans for one or two outings each week which I do not want to jeopardize. (having tea with a friend; giving yoga another try and learning to enamel. want; want; want.)
But now I'm miffed all day because I had to say no and they've come to expect that from me and even blame me for that and do not accept the way I need to plan my life. I let them down. Bad child!
I should tell you that my parents see their children are accessories, we're purely here to embellish their lives. We are supposed to be their groupies, their biggest fans and accomplishments. And they siphon off our interests and accomplishments.
Don't ever tell them you like something because they will swoop in and make it their own! Your favourite tea cups; your favourite holiday destination; your hobby?
Swoop.
Scoop.
You will find they've bought the tea set you can't afford; they'll show you pictures of the holiday you can't take and they'll lecture you on the hobby you think about starting.
The best thing I ever did for CFS was create more distance between myself and my parents. (Well, the second best thing. My mother-in-law has a narcissistic dramatic personality disorder and banning her from my life was nr.1 stress relieve. Thanks to the AF book by dr. Wilson.)
My parents don't understand my illness.
That's ok, it is complex.
But I wish I'd stop feeling all these childish obligations!
And also, I so wish they would compliment me on the progress I've made in understanding my illness. I really feel I have it all in order now. The rest, the diet, the supplements, my personal genetic make up and causes for getting ill. It is now a matter of time and living the life and then I expect to get better, slowly but surely. (I'm thinking 5 years)
It was a search, with lots of scientific research and propositions, and now I've build this logical idea that ties it all together. Everything. It explains why and how I am ill. And it gives ideas how I might get better.
This really is something big! It's as big as when I got my degree in Engineering. Or if I'd given birth.
This is something their child did that my parents can be proud of, even if they don't understand the mechanics or the science. It would serve their desire to flaunt their children in front of their friends so I'll settle for any motive they need.
I so wish they'd compliment me!
I so wish I didn't yearn for their approval...
Because at 42yo I'm still a little girl? -gritting teeth-
I have managed to get my parents out of my daily life but how do I get them out of my system?
(craft myself a big golden medal and wear it proudly?)
I replied: "can't do, I'm recovering from a few weeks in the city. But you're very welcome on Feb 27?"
- oooh, that's sooo far into the future... we'll have to see about it... (with lots of silent accusations)
Now I feel quilty.
Even though I do the right thing keeping to my schedule and keeping my life uneventful instead of accommodating them like I used to do. Feb 27 really is the first available date, until then I am resting and I have plans for one or two outings each week which I do not want to jeopardize. (having tea with a friend; giving yoga another try and learning to enamel. want; want; want.)
But now I'm miffed all day because I had to say no and they've come to expect that from me and even blame me for that and do not accept the way I need to plan my life. I let them down. Bad child!
I should tell you that my parents see their children are accessories, we're purely here to embellish their lives. We are supposed to be their groupies, their biggest fans and accomplishments. And they siphon off our interests and accomplishments.
Don't ever tell them you like something because they will swoop in and make it their own! Your favourite tea cups; your favourite holiday destination; your hobby?
Swoop.
Scoop.
You will find they've bought the tea set you can't afford; they'll show you pictures of the holiday you can't take and they'll lecture you on the hobby you think about starting.
The best thing I ever did for CFS was create more distance between myself and my parents. (Well, the second best thing. My mother-in-law has a narcissistic dramatic personality disorder and banning her from my life was nr.1 stress relieve. Thanks to the AF book by dr. Wilson.)
My parents don't understand my illness.
That's ok, it is complex.
But I wish I'd stop feeling all these childish obligations!
And also, I so wish they would compliment me on the progress I've made in understanding my illness. I really feel I have it all in order now. The rest, the diet, the supplements, my personal genetic make up and causes for getting ill. It is now a matter of time and living the life and then I expect to get better, slowly but surely. (I'm thinking 5 years)
It was a search, with lots of scientific research and propositions, and now I've build this logical idea that ties it all together. Everything. It explains why and how I am ill. And it gives ideas how I might get better.
This really is something big! It's as big as when I got my degree in Engineering. Or if I'd given birth.
This is something their child did that my parents can be proud of, even if they don't understand the mechanics or the science. It would serve their desire to flaunt their children in front of their friends so I'll settle for any motive they need.
I so wish they'd compliment me!
I so wish I didn't yearn for their approval...
Because at 42yo I'm still a little girl? -gritting teeth-
I have managed to get my parents out of my daily life but how do I get them out of my system?
(craft myself a big golden medal and wear it proudly?)