always feel better at night, every day

[greyheron]

Yup! When I finally turn music on, start singing, enjoying more catchy stuff, fantasizing about things, suddenly start planning things for no reason in my life, I'll know I'm gonna be in for a real good few hours! But I do notice more tension when this happens and if my "happy explosion time" is disturbed then I can quickly get really irritable. After the patch of hours is over I'll feel it like start to physically simmer out in my brain and I'll try to latch onto the good feelings but then the music thing will slowly stop working, my thoughts will start getting more disorganized again, and then I'll be thinking "well that's that folks!" as I slowly slip back into a mini crash like state for a while.

Its weird. Mornings are worst: I get up, make breakfast, eat it and feel terrible; recover by laying down, then eventually its time to make lunch; eat lunch then recover again until about 3/4PM then start feeling kinda ok. I get stuff done, like the mail, emails, etc., between 3/4 and 6. 6-9 is dinner and family time. its a long day of what feels like mostly nothing. i'm getting sick of books on tape and TV.

 

[Dysfunkion]

Its weird. Mornings are worst: I get up, make breakfast, eat it and feel terrible; recover by laying down, then eventually its time to make lunch; eat lunch then recover again until about 3/4PM then start feeling kinda ok. I get stuff done, like the mail, emails, etc., between 3/4 and 6. 6-9 is dinner and family time. its a long day of what feels like mostly nothing. i'm getting sick of books on tape and TV.

Tell me about it, I could get some stuff done on a normal day at 3/4 PM usually. Not too much but ordinary things like you described are doable. I always look forward to the 6-9 stretch for dinner and relaxing while feeling generally alright. I'm trying to read more but I've just been too mentally unavailable too lately and it's really frustrating me. I never eat lunch, I snack a little throughout the day but just a little too much food can easily energy crash me at the wrong time no matter what it is. When I eat in general can really make or break me.

I've been eating almost every day this week as I've been doing herbal treatments for lyme as whatever else is in there to kill and the osha root has been giving me an absolutely out of this world hunger and fatigue yet at the same time overall better with my senses and general mental clarity. At the same time I've had a bad cold on top of this so I could barely even taste or smell anything. Today is the first day off the osha root and I'm now on gumweed which my body seems to be alright with, it's also helping this viral infection a lot. More energy and a clearer head with it but still feeling pretty zombie like from the osha root whiplash and tail end of being sick here. I'm having food tonight but then I think I'll be well enough to have a 2 day light fast and reset myself because I just know all the food is also in a more typical way contributing to how dull and foggy I feel cognitively right now. I am completely in the dumps here, I need a time machine because I just know that no matter the next couple days are gonna be complete burnout.