Where can i go for a month to rest and relax?

hmnr asg

Senior Member
Messages
181
Likes
390
hi everyone,
So about four months ago i went from a mild case to a moderate case (yey!). Initially i thought this was a crash that will go away in a week or two but looks like i have permanently messed myself up.

What doesnt help is that whenever i am getting better i try to catch up with work and it sends me back down. There was a short period that i felt like i was coming out of this but i started working till midnight and after two days i was back in the depths of hell.

So i have finally asked for a one month leave of absence from work and they have approved it. The only question is what do i do. If i stay in my tiny studio apartment in the Bay area i will lose my mind. Before my recent crash my life was work and then come home and pass out, so i dont have anything else going on.

Is there a place that you guys recommend i go to get better? I am afraid of getting too adventurous and going somewhere that might end up pushing me but i also dont want to stay in bed for two months.

I was thinking Esalen or an all inclusive resort or an Airbnb in costa rica ? I cant afford the whole month but at least for 10 days it would be nice. I wish i could do a meditation retreat but i dont think im in any shape to meditate all day in the lotus position!


@wabi-sabi @Bead Dog (do you guys have any recommendations?)
 

pamojja

Senior Member
Messages
1,428
Likes
1,722
Location
Austria
The only question is what do i do. If i stay in my tiny studio apartment in the Bay area i will lose my mind.
With a crash that bad wouldn't contemplate any traveling or conscious socializing (like on a meditation retreat, even in silence), but put all effort in consciously rest, rest and again rest. When I did retreats long ago, I also did self-retreats, just on my own in a rented place or camping in nature. Which can be very powerful, especially alone. So would do some meditation, but more in the lying-down posture than anything else. Some short walks in nature. If done with mindfulness it's not that bad to lose one's mind, at times.;)
 

hmnr asg

Senior Member
Messages
181
Likes
390
@pamojja Thank you for the tips. I think renting a log cabin somewhere and going there with some of my favorite books sounds good. As long as i can sit outside and smell the forest instead of the smog in my city it would be fine.

If done with mindfulness it's not that bad to lose one's mind, at times
Very profound! that sentence hit me pretty hard. That almost sounds like something a Sufi mystic would say :) Thank you.
 
Messages
60
Likes
94
Location
small town midwest
Is there a place that you guys recommend i go to get better? I am afraid of getting too adventurous and going somewhere that might end up pushing me but i also dont want to stay in bed for two months.
I think a good place to start is asking yourself what you want and need to get out of this trip.

Pros: Do you primarily need to physically rest and sleep? Do you need to be alone and rest socially? What do yuo want/need your mind to be doing instead of getting cabin fever at home?

Cons: What is most taxing for you? Would camping be more taxing than socializing? Is physical pain an issue for you?

I would want to be in a place where healthy meals would just appear, there's a warm and cozy place to sleep, and there's access to nature and quiet. Access to friendly people as needed. A japanese ryokan sounds lovely. (I go to Japan all the time via youtube, hence the screen name!)

For my needs and not giving advice, I'm not sure I would go to a retreat center because I'd be afraid people would try to fix me. I would lean towards some sort of vacation resort where I can be either pampered or left alone, depending. But that's where getting clear on your needs first is important. Imagine the perfect place, and then look for the reality that best fits.
 

hmnr asg

Senior Member
Messages
181
Likes
390
I think a good place to start is asking yourself what you want and need to get out of this trip.

Pros: Do you primarily need to physically rest and sleep? Do you need to be alone and rest socially? What do yuo want/need your mind to be doing instead of getting cabin fever at home?

Cons: What is most taxing for you? Would camping be more taxing than socializing? Is physical pain an issue for you?

I would want to be in a place where healthy meals would just appear, there's a warm and cozy place to sleep, and there's access to nature and quiet. Access to friendly people as needed. A japanese ryokan sounds lovely. (I go to Japan all the time via youtube, hence the screen name!)

For my needs and not giving advice, I'm not sure I would go to a retreat center because I'd be afraid people would try to fix me. I would lean towards some sort of vacation resort where I can be either pampered or left alone, depending. But that's where getting clear on your needs first is important. Imagine the perfect place, and then look for the reality that best fits.
Thank you for your reply. Socializing, camping, hiking is all out for me. The only thing i want to do is walk short distances and smell the forest or the beach and read a book slowly, very slowly.

I have traveled japan more than any other country and i am truly in love with it. I stayed in a Ryokan last year in Hakone and it was truly an amazing experience. (it is very expensive though and i only stayed for one night)
I dont want to go to Japan this time because it makes me sad to be there and not be able to do the things i usually like doing there due to the new severity levels of my CFS :(

I think i will try to rent a CFS friendly place in costa rica near the beach.
 
Messages
60
Likes
94
Location
small town midwest
I have traveled japan more than any other country and i am truly in love with it
I've never been in real life-just over the computer. Have you seen a PBS show called Sacred Journeys? There's one episode where they go on a Buddhist pilgrimage-walking around the perimeter of one of the islands (don't remember which) and stop in at every temple on the way. That looked so wonderful. Earlier on in my illness I though I would go there if I ever got better. (Although, I might be too timid to go even if I weren't sick!) All of our losses do make us sad. No way around it. As my therapist said when I last asked her about it, when it comes to grief, you just have to feel it. It's the only way through. I find small doses are best, though.

I sort of thought the Bay Area must have something like ryokan there, without going all the way to Japan. Cost Rica sounds lovely too.
 
Messages
51
Likes
151
The only thing i want to do is walk short distances and smell the forest or the beach and read a book slowly, very slowly.
Are you willing or able to do a driving day trip or maybe a few day trip? If you didn't spend the whole month at a retreat, there are many forest and beach options in the Bay Area. I guess it depends where you are located, but there are many peaceful beaches, forests, and some nice park benches for reading that also come with beautiful views. And in many, you don't have to walk far from your car to find a good spot to hunker down and enjoy the solitude.

Santa Cruz, or Marin, or you could go further up the coast? (I'm sure you probably already know all this). One upside of a day trip or shorter overnight trip is being able to return to the comforts of home at the end of the day (while still getting out of the house!).
 
Messages
5,654
Likes
14,222
Location
Alabama USA
I went to Miraval in Arizona three years ago and it was a great choice for me.
I got a regular cabin with a porch, there were meditation classes i attended and some really easy yoga classes. Nothing required. The days that I was feeling bad I just stayed in the room.

I did have to go to the dining room for meals, but I was mostly able to eat alone. The food was all organic and amazing! (Their cookbook is available on Amazon)

Other days I got truly world class massage therapy, and there is acupuncture available. Tons of spa treatments I did not receive. Hot Tubs, dry sauna, and steam rooms are located in the spa.

I did enjoy walking the grounds, they are stunning.

There is a labyrinth I walked most days, Slowly heal toe and it was so wonderful for me.
.
Interestingly two of the meditation teachers I met and resonated with were from Esalen.

My mom went to Esalen many times in the 1980's from what I heard from her it was not as "lazy" (her word) of a trip as mine was to Miraval. She is not sick though...

Whatever you choose I hope you have a great time!
 

*GG*

senior member
Messages
6,330
Likes
5,002
Location
Concord, NH
Sounds like FMLA leave? If not, can you qualify for that? I almost took 1 month off to recover, but that would not have helped me keep my job and work a few more years. I used my FMLA leave to work 2 days, take 1 day off for rest, and work another 2 days. Now the issue might be to get a Dr to fill out the paperwork supporting such a scenario?

With FMLA you can get 60 days a year, so by using 1 day a week, you only use 52 days. You take 1 month off, there goes at least 20 days, and if you need more time off, that will leave you short down the road. I am not certain what happens in such a case. I would talk with a lawyer NOW who has experience in this, they can help you get the Dr to fill out the paperwork properly.

GG
 

hmnr asg

Senior Member
Messages
181
Likes
390
@wingate I am actually not from the bay area. I'm one of those techies who moved here from Canada. So i know very little about the places around here. but having the option to come back home at the end of the day sounds good. I just dont know where to go that is peaceful but doesnt require a reservation 1 year ahead (like Yosemite) or require a 4 hour drive (also like Yosemite). I live in San Jose and if you have some information on this I would really appreciate it if you PM me! thank you

@jesse's mom thank you for the response. I will check out Miraval for sure. I definitely need a "lazy" resort.

@wabi-sabi I hope you do get to see Japan some day :) I do need to go through this grief. I am gradually coming to accept that my career that i worked super hard for is now almost over.

@*GG* Thank you for the reply. I actually didnt use FMLA. I used a whole week of sick leave and combined it with three weeks of vacation to get the whole month. My boss is very supportive, but not sure if FMLA would have been better?
 

hmnr asg

Senior Member
Messages
181
Likes
390
thanks again everyone.
I ended up settling on mount madonna and maybe a few days in Esalen.
Thank you guys and will let you all know how it went.
I started at some point checking tickets to amsterdam thinking why not make a trip out of it just to realize that: oh snap, im actually sick and have a hard time walking even 5 minutes. So i decided to just stay nearby in around the bay area.
Thanks @wabi-sabi and @Bead Dog
 
Messages
5,654
Likes
14,222
Location
Alabama USA
I wasn't even thinking about the heat! I want in April. Yikes! That is really hot.
High was 82 in Alabama in the very south near the water.
A nice day! Fall starts sometime in early September if anyone wants to vacation at the
Gulf of Mexico, we can swim till November!
 

hmnr asg

Senior Member
Messages
181
Likes
390
I didnt want to bum anyone out so i didnt follow up this thread.

Unfortunately i have Trigeminal Neuralgia (TN) along with CFS. My TN pain was a level 3 out of 10 for the last year so i was generally ok with it and had accepted it as background noise. I had taken three weeks from work and i was preparing to go to Mt Madonna from the suggestions people had made when the pain of my TN went from a 3 to a solid 9. Since then I have had little time to even pay attention to my CFS. TN is a beast of a disease and honestly it scares me a lot more than my CFS.

I ended up staying home all three weeks and just occasionally looking out the window :(
Now im back on the pills for TN (Lyrica, Baclofen) and having a really, really hard time. I miss the time when CFS was my only issue.

Thank you all for the great responses, i still hope i go back some day to doing some of those if my TN goes back to manageable levels. :cry:
 

pamojja

Senior Member
Messages
1,428
Likes
1,722
Location
Austria
So sorry to hear TN brutally came in the way!

At least I have totally unexpected and thrilling news. Working irregularly part-time I happened to have some days off, and partly inspired by your brave example, went to IMC-Austria for a 10-day retreat. Haven't done such a retreat for almost 10 years, since they are with very long hours (form 4AM to 9PM), but all the time I consistently got PEM after more than 5 hours concentrated mental work, or after not getting at least 10 hours of sleep.

To my complete surprise for the first time I experienced no PEM! But just some bodily pain, which was alleviated by simply meditating in a chair. I'm so over-joyed and exhilarated of having at least for now overcome this beast.

Sure the day will come it will be possible for you too again.
 
Messages
95
Likes
146
@hmnr asg Sorry to hear about your TN. Don’t be too bummed about missing out at Mt. Madonna at this time, because their founder and spiritual leader Baba Hari Das passed away very recently. It probably would have been very busy and lots of people there for memorial. I hope you get some relief soon from your TN.