Simon Wessely interviewed by Quilp on Sunday 22nd August 2010 about his forth coming book, ‘Death is a myth.’
Quilp : Simon you have recently published a polemic about Death and CBT/GET.
Wessely : We looked at over three thousand dead people, taken from graveyards around the Uk and tailored their individual circumstances to clinical programs devised by our team of experts, using the very latest in CBT/GET.
Quilp : ‘individual circumstances’ ? Dead is dead surely, and as such, all in the same coffin as it were ?
Wessely : Unfortunately that is a common misconception. They may all adopt a perpendicular posture but the truth is, our studies have shown that abnormal illness beliefs are intrinsically linked to rigor mortis.
Quilp : Are you suggesting that 'abnormal illness beliefs' was the cause of these deaths ?
Wessely : Although there may have been an organic trigger for these deaths, or sick tolerance indifference for faking subjects ( stiffs ) as we refer to them, some of these subjects get trapped into a situation whereby they restrict what they are able to do, constantly monitoring their symptoms, and in doing so, spiralling into a static state of stiffness.
Quilp : But they are dead, surely ? Dead, no pulse, no longer breathing; to quote John Cleese, ‘it is no more. It has ceased to be.’
Wessely : I have treated over three thousand stiffs and of those, one thousand were cured and are now running marathons, mountaineering, pole dancing that sort of thing. One thousand exist in a semi comatose state with propensities towards claiming benefits, complaining to the DWP, calling themselves sick that sort of thing. A thousand we had to send back to the cemetery.
Quilp : I am sorry but I find that very hard to believe. You say that you have cured a thousand people ??? !!!
Wessely : Absolutely. One only has to look at the data, the evidence, the quality of our research and science. That is what we stand or fall by.
Quilp : Or in some cases sent back to the cemetery.........
Wessely : Take my colleague Peter White. He died sometime in the 16th whilst trying to cure bubonic plague using his mother's washing up liquid. He was interred in a compost heap for over four hundred years before CBT/GET techniques became widely available. In fact he was one of my first patients. He came to me as a perpendicular ponce and left some six weeks later, as a fine example of pure malice.
He's a pin up boy for hobbits around the world, and has been for some years now. His calendars sell extremely well, especially during full moons.
That is science in action, that is what we're all about.
Quilp : How was this achieved ?
Wessely : We tailored an individual treatment program based on his needs with sound clinical judgements using various techniques at our disposal.
We tried the same with Trudy Chadler and Myra McClure, but as you can see this technique isn’t for everyone. One can't always walk on water......
Quilp : BUT HE WAS DEAD
Wessely : There is no evidence to suggest that death actually exists. Our studies have quite clearly shown that a lot of these 'deaths' as you call them are actually linked to childhood trauma.
Quilp : It has often been said that you are controversial and that has, in some sense, led to a hate campaign against you.
Wessely : Yes, and it can get quite unsettling. Only last week I was being stalked by a man named Lazarus, who kept waving a patent in my direction. I don't even speak Hebrew.
After seeking advice from MI6 I now carry a whistle, though I much prefer the flute.
Quilp : Wessely, I have to say you really are a first class idiot, without the slightest insight into the damage you have caused to millions of humans around the world.
Wessely : Well I am not sure that that was absolutely necessary. A modicum of civility and an exacting sense of diplomacy are a pre requisite for indulging the rigours of scientific debate.
I am afraid that such niceties are not uncommon in being beyond the reach of fellows such as yourself. Please don't expect any further correspondence from me. Santa Claus warned me about you.......
Good day
Quilp : Simon you have recently published a polemic about Death and CBT/GET.
Wessely : We looked at over three thousand dead people, taken from graveyards around the Uk and tailored their individual circumstances to clinical programs devised by our team of experts, using the very latest in CBT/GET.
Quilp : ‘individual circumstances’ ? Dead is dead surely, and as such, all in the same coffin as it were ?
Wessely : Unfortunately that is a common misconception. They may all adopt a perpendicular posture but the truth is, our studies have shown that abnormal illness beliefs are intrinsically linked to rigor mortis.
Quilp : Are you suggesting that 'abnormal illness beliefs' was the cause of these deaths ?
Wessely : Although there may have been an organic trigger for these deaths, or sick tolerance indifference for faking subjects ( stiffs ) as we refer to them, some of these subjects get trapped into a situation whereby they restrict what they are able to do, constantly monitoring their symptoms, and in doing so, spiralling into a static state of stiffness.
Quilp : But they are dead, surely ? Dead, no pulse, no longer breathing; to quote John Cleese, ‘it is no more. It has ceased to be.’
Wessely : I have treated over three thousand stiffs and of those, one thousand were cured and are now running marathons, mountaineering, pole dancing that sort of thing. One thousand exist in a semi comatose state with propensities towards claiming benefits, complaining to the DWP, calling themselves sick that sort of thing. A thousand we had to send back to the cemetery.
Quilp : I am sorry but I find that very hard to believe. You say that you have cured a thousand people ??? !!!
Wessely : Absolutely. One only has to look at the data, the evidence, the quality of our research and science. That is what we stand or fall by.
Quilp : Or in some cases sent back to the cemetery.........
Wessely : Take my colleague Peter White. He died sometime in the 16th whilst trying to cure bubonic plague using his mother's washing up liquid. He was interred in a compost heap for over four hundred years before CBT/GET techniques became widely available. In fact he was one of my first patients. He came to me as a perpendicular ponce and left some six weeks later, as a fine example of pure malice.
He's a pin up boy for hobbits around the world, and has been for some years now. His calendars sell extremely well, especially during full moons.
That is science in action, that is what we're all about.
Quilp : How was this achieved ?
Wessely : We tailored an individual treatment program based on his needs with sound clinical judgements using various techniques at our disposal.
We tried the same with Trudy Chadler and Myra McClure, but as you can see this technique isn’t for everyone. One can't always walk on water......
Quilp : BUT HE WAS DEAD
Wessely : There is no evidence to suggest that death actually exists. Our studies have quite clearly shown that a lot of these 'deaths' as you call them are actually linked to childhood trauma.
Quilp : It has often been said that you are controversial and that has, in some sense, led to a hate campaign against you.
Wessely : Yes, and it can get quite unsettling. Only last week I was being stalked by a man named Lazarus, who kept waving a patent in my direction. I don't even speak Hebrew.
After seeking advice from MI6 I now carry a whistle, though I much prefer the flute.
Quilp : Wessely, I have to say you really are a first class idiot, without the slightest insight into the damage you have caused to millions of humans around the world.
Wessely : Well I am not sure that that was absolutely necessary. A modicum of civility and an exacting sense of diplomacy are a pre requisite for indulging the rigours of scientific debate.
I am afraid that such niceties are not uncommon in being beyond the reach of fellows such as yourself. Please don't expect any further correspondence from me. Santa Claus warned me about you.......
Good day
