Wedding party fear!

In the past, when I was healthy, one of my closest friends mentioned a few times that when he theoretically gets married, he would like me to be his best man. I've always been super excited about the idea. He's currently on vacation with his partner and told me that he wants to speak to me really soon when he gets home, so I think it's happening!

I just had a panic attack - I realised that he may ask me now and I'm scared that I won't be able to live up to the duties of a best man! Besides the fact I'm a cis woman so being a best man is all new to me, right now I'm managing to do maybe 2-3 hours out of the house once a week - how could I possibly do the job?

I was wondering, has anybody else here been part of a bridal party while ill, and how did it go? Any tips on making it work?

I wonder if I could ask him if I could be co-best-man and split the duties with someone with more energy than me - or would that be a faux pas?! Any advice would be very gratefully received.


Senior Member
New Mexico
I understand your fear. I would just talk to him and be honest about your concerns. Being one of your closest friends, I'm sure you two can work something out. Does he know about your challenges?
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Senior Member
I agree with @Tammy. This is a pretty big expectation and if he's that close to you, he must know about your condition.

Give him as much warning as possible and just back out. If you can, attend either the ceremony or the reception. I don't know if any chairs will be provided at the reception, but you can always be present if so. If not, share a glass of champagne and quietly leave (letting him know ahead of time, of course, but not necessarily at the reception). You may find that your energy is better that day and can stay longer....but being best man sounds like too much.

I'm sure that he'll understand your condition, it's not something we wish upon ourselves, and will give you more leeway that you may be expecting. If he insists, tell him that you simply can't. You're far too ill for the job, but do attend in some form if possible as you sound as if you want him in your life.

I found my own daughters weddings grueling enough....and they did all the planning, etc. One was on an island and just getting there left me totally depleted. Today, I would insist that it be held in Dallas. We make our choices and do the best we can. Be sure to ask to see the photos when the album is completed. Wishing you a better wedding experience. Yours, Lenora.