SteveRacer
Demon on Wheels
- Messages
- 26
- Location
- Los Angeles, CA
Before the onset of my fatigue, I've struggled for years with sleep problems. In the last couple of years, I've had some strange episodes, which often include me getting "stuck" in a strange half-asleep state where I can't quite wake up all the way but can't sleep. In this state, I end up believing things that are irrational, and also things that just aren't real. Part of me knows they make no sense but they seem so strong. Lately, when I have one of these episodes, I have been getting strong suicidal urges. Very strong.
Usually I'm too tired to do anything about it, I just lie there and try to tell myself it's not really that bad. But what ends up happening is I get stuck in this half-awake suicidal state for hours. Instead of sleeping I'm just lying there fighting off thoughts of suicide for hours and hours.
Sometimes I eventually sleep, sometimes I don't. After a while, I will finally get out of the state and become fully awake. Then I feel fine, like life is ok, even with my problems, there certainly is no reason for suicide. I wonder why I felt that way. I can't understand what is happening to me. However, the urges are so strong when this happens I am afraid one day I may give in to them.
I feel safe telling you all this, I don't even tell most of my friends, obviously. But I know you all have strange sleep and other symptoms. Maybe someone knows more about this? I saw something somewhere about a half-asleep state or something. I wonder if there is anything I can do...
Usually I'm too tired to do anything about it, I just lie there and try to tell myself it's not really that bad. But what ends up happening is I get stuck in this half-awake suicidal state for hours. Instead of sleeping I'm just lying there fighting off thoughts of suicide for hours and hours.
Sometimes I eventually sleep, sometimes I don't. After a while, I will finally get out of the state and become fully awake. Then I feel fine, like life is ok, even with my problems, there certainly is no reason for suicide. I wonder why I felt that way. I can't understand what is happening to me. However, the urges are so strong when this happens I am afraid one day I may give in to them.
I feel safe telling you all this, I don't even tell most of my friends, obviously. But I know you all have strange sleep and other symptoms. Maybe someone knows more about this? I saw something somewhere about a half-asleep state or something. I wonder if there is anything I can do...