Hi all
I've put off posting this as my anxiety is quite high about this subject and I was worried posting may make me more anxious if I get an answer that makes me worry more.
Anyway, 6 years ago my brother attacked me. I lost my mum and sisters as a result. I'd refused to let him back in my life due to the damage he caused me and my family. I have young children and he had attacked other members of family, enough was enough. Yet my mum and sisters refused to accept it and hurled abuse at me for 2 years after and I had to walk away for my sanity. Anyway it led to me suffering PTSD, anxiety and agoraphobia. It took me about 2 years to get back out living a bit, I was back attending appointments, socialising a little, trips to shops with hubby... then a few years ago I started with chronic fatigue and last year due to staying strong for so long for my children's sakes I broke. Last year I'm not ashamed to admit, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I was struggling with panic attacks all day long, bed ridden with crippling anxiety, unable to function at all and as a mum it destroyed me, u felt guilt on top of all I was already suffering. It was so hard and as a result my CFS became severe. I had a year of hell. My GP was fully in the loop via telephone and my husband went to see her twice on my behalf as I couldn't attend appointments and my anxiety was so high I couldn't have a gp to see me at home. I did seek therapy again for support and that helped a lot.
It's taken me a year to be back downstairs doing a bit of cooking, a bit of housework and I can now spend more time with my family and home life now feels more normal. Its hard for me to admit how bad things got for me last year. I just broke. I still haven't been out and about since last February and it's going to take some time. I feel I'm rebuilding myself. My hubby has told my gp I'm now making progress and shes really pleased, but since my breakdown and severe cfs my agoraphobia has become bad again. My gp said its understandable why this happened. I'd stayed strong for 5 years for my children, hiding I was attacked, pushing myself on holidays, days out etc to keep things normal for them. Then as my health deteriorated I struggled more and more and have crashed mentally and physically as I've been through so much. She just gets me and that's reassuring.
Sorry I've rambled. I'm 39, I've always attended my smear tests every 3 years without fail. I was due in August last year so I'm 8 months overdue. Hubby addressed this when he went to see her with an update a couple of months ago. He explained I was anxious I was overdue but as I've not even left my home in a year due to what happened that last year, the last thing I can do is walk into an huge clinic full of people and do a test. She completely understood and said it'll have to be put on hold for now and told me not to worry as I've had no issues before. My fear is I am putting myself at risk, worried I'm letting my kids down if I don't push myself etc.. it's on my mind often and it doesn't help when everyone on Instagram insists you go, it's mentioned alot on accounts I follow.
I know it's important to go but my agoraphobia has returned severely since this severe cfs and anxiety returned. I'm overdue my eye test and dentist. I hate what this last 12 months has done to me because I'd finally got my life back after the attack and losing my grandmother 3 months prior to that, I was grief stricken as she was more like my mum. It took 2 years to get over it all and enjoy life again. I hate I've lost it all again. I am improving with the cfs and anxiety is so much better but it isn't something I can rush, I'm a work in progress and have to go so gentle incase I crash severe again. I'm still exhausted doing chores and cant stay upright for more than 10 minutes then I need rest but that is improvement on last year. I'm raising my anxiety again worrying about this, and that's the last thing as stress leads to sensitisation and flares anxiety again. Vicious circle and the way I've made progress is by living very zen and reducing stress in my life and it's done wonders.
Can anyone relate or reassure me?
Jem
I've put off posting this as my anxiety is quite high about this subject and I was worried posting may make me more anxious if I get an answer that makes me worry more.
Anyway, 6 years ago my brother attacked me. I lost my mum and sisters as a result. I'd refused to let him back in my life due to the damage he caused me and my family. I have young children and he had attacked other members of family, enough was enough. Yet my mum and sisters refused to accept it and hurled abuse at me for 2 years after and I had to walk away for my sanity. Anyway it led to me suffering PTSD, anxiety and agoraphobia. It took me about 2 years to get back out living a bit, I was back attending appointments, socialising a little, trips to shops with hubby... then a few years ago I started with chronic fatigue and last year due to staying strong for so long for my children's sakes I broke. Last year I'm not ashamed to admit, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I was struggling with panic attacks all day long, bed ridden with crippling anxiety, unable to function at all and as a mum it destroyed me, u felt guilt on top of all I was already suffering. It was so hard and as a result my CFS became severe. I had a year of hell. My GP was fully in the loop via telephone and my husband went to see her twice on my behalf as I couldn't attend appointments and my anxiety was so high I couldn't have a gp to see me at home. I did seek therapy again for support and that helped a lot.
It's taken me a year to be back downstairs doing a bit of cooking, a bit of housework and I can now spend more time with my family and home life now feels more normal. Its hard for me to admit how bad things got for me last year. I just broke. I still haven't been out and about since last February and it's going to take some time. I feel I'm rebuilding myself. My hubby has told my gp I'm now making progress and shes really pleased, but since my breakdown and severe cfs my agoraphobia has become bad again. My gp said its understandable why this happened. I'd stayed strong for 5 years for my children, hiding I was attacked, pushing myself on holidays, days out etc to keep things normal for them. Then as my health deteriorated I struggled more and more and have crashed mentally and physically as I've been through so much. She just gets me and that's reassuring.
Sorry I've rambled. I'm 39, I've always attended my smear tests every 3 years without fail. I was due in August last year so I'm 8 months overdue. Hubby addressed this when he went to see her with an update a couple of months ago. He explained I was anxious I was overdue but as I've not even left my home in a year due to what happened that last year, the last thing I can do is walk into an huge clinic full of people and do a test. She completely understood and said it'll have to be put on hold for now and told me not to worry as I've had no issues before. My fear is I am putting myself at risk, worried I'm letting my kids down if I don't push myself etc.. it's on my mind often and it doesn't help when everyone on Instagram insists you go, it's mentioned alot on accounts I follow.
I know it's important to go but my agoraphobia has returned severely since this severe cfs and anxiety returned. I'm overdue my eye test and dentist. I hate what this last 12 months has done to me because I'd finally got my life back after the attack and losing my grandmother 3 months prior to that, I was grief stricken as she was more like my mum. It took 2 years to get over it all and enjoy life again. I hate I've lost it all again. I am improving with the cfs and anxiety is so much better but it isn't something I can rush, I'm a work in progress and have to go so gentle incase I crash severe again. I'm still exhausted doing chores and cant stay upright for more than 10 minutes then I need rest but that is improvement on last year. I'm raising my anxiety again worrying about this, and that's the last thing as stress leads to sensitisation and flares anxiety again. Vicious circle and the way I've made progress is by living very zen and reducing stress in my life and it's done wonders.
Can anyone relate or reassure me?
Jem
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