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Quilp Interviews 'EL Contaminantez' ( Elsie ) part 1/3


Senior Member
Quilp Interviews El Contaminantez ( Elsie to all who knows him )Part1/3

Deep inside the bowels of the Phoenix Rising message board.......

Elsie I no no happy EL Quilp, I never take class A drugs and run very fast in miniature maze ever again. You tells these to all Uk Scientists. I hand in my P45.

Quilp Our Uk scientists are among the finest in the world precipitating in a corncucopia of cutting edge science, commensurate with a wealth of knowledge, exacted with a modicum of diplomacy.

Elsie QUE ?
Anyways I tells you a stories about EL Wessely. Last years I goes to big place in London for concert. How you call this place ? It like a giant marsh mellow on slim fast diet

Quilp The Millenium Dome ?

Elsie I dont know, I no make it because of tube strike, so I decides to sees my grandad EL Gupta at Kings College.

Quilp He lives there ?

Elsie No really, he looking for chocolate biscuit. I goes up very high and I sees room called GET. So I GETS in haha.I no charge for jokes.
I sees EL Gupta on London Eye.

Quilp London Eye ?

Elsie Si si running very fast, like he run from first wife.

Quilp Oh I see, the hamster wheel

Elsie Si si London Eye glued together with PCR primer ( Imperial College, all rights reserved, please see pack for details )
Anyways I sees excited bipedal wearing string vest with shiny gold medal dangling freely around his.

Quilp its ok, I understand, no need to elaborate please.

Elsie with hair everwhere except on his head and he wear MC hammer pants with you cant touch this printed on his..

Quilp Yes, yes we get the picture Elsie, please, that is Sir Simon Wessely, a noted scientist who received that gold medal for treatment of the illness M.E.
We would like to make it clear that there is no independently verified proof that that was Simon Wessely.

Elsie Que ?
Anyways he was shaking his body and arms like he fighting with ghost, but me thinks ghost is winning. He clazy bipedal, shouting, YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN, but EL Gupta, he no YES WE CAN since 1965 when he spend all night with neighbour wife.
He whisper no I cant, no I cant, no I cant..
He no want trouble, he just want chocolate biscuit. EL Gupta he shout NO MAS and he jump from 10th floor.

Quilp Maybe he finally cracked and lost his marbles ?

Elsie I dont know, he lose his Amygdala for sure.

Quilp 10th floor thats over 100 feet. What a terrible way to die, Im so sorry.

Elsie DIE ? DIE ? He no die, he land in Dr John Coffin beard. You knows EL Coffin ? He very nice man, he no ever make decision but he very good bipedal.

Quilp You have recently expressed your disquiet about Dr Myra McClure, another Uk scientist with a considerable degree of academic influence.

Elsie She blame everything on my POO ? Bipedal race in trouble because I shit too much nos ?

Quilp No, not exactly shes alluding to the role of contamination in respect of XMRV

Elsie I tells you EL Quilp I shit all over her POW labs and she still cant find bloody virus.
Just so you nos you can now buy my poo online and is available at all good retail outlets.
You no edit that bits out oks ?

Quilp Im sure shes trying her best, we are all in search of The Truth.

Elsie I even posted virus to her in sealed envelope with large picture of Skull and Crossbones.

Quilp That wasnt a picture of a Skull and Crossbones that was Bill Reeves practising Tai Chi.

The management are close by and for security reasons this interview was forced to come to an abrupt end. Part 2/3 to come later. Thank you for your patience :)


Senior Member
Columbus, Ohio, USA
Quilp, I don't get all the allusions (forgive me, I'm not British), but this is funny. Wildly imaginative. I hope you are writing a book.


Senior Member
Sofa, UK
I'll have a copy of that book thanks Quilpstar. Eyes started moistening round about the time El Gupta landed in Coffin's beard. Uncontrollable shaking from then onwards. Real tears. Thanks! :)