Pissed Off at the 3 P's

[creekfeet]

Kaiser Permanente's pain management program gave me some helpful tools that take a bit of the edge off, sometimes, and help me sleep, sometimes, but one thing that really doesn't work for me is their "3 P's" of Prioritize, Plan and Pace.

Before ME I was a very busy and organized person. I already prioritized and planned and because I was a mom I was an ace at pacing, because you just don't run babies and toddlers around nonstop. I knew and was good at the 3P tools.

The sicker I've gotten, the more I have had to prioritize and the more things have dropped off my list. From professional work to schooling to vegetable gardening to social action, from hikes to dancing to visiting friends to seeing a movie out, I can't do what I used to. I'm down to prioritizing, planning and pacing so I can cook a meal, wash dishes, fill out another welfare form damn them. Comforting my child at 3 am when insomnia, pain and isolation become too much for that 16-year-old to bear, I give all I can, but a part of my mind is agonizing, wondering how I will cope the following day when my wee hour of having given what scraps of comfort I could takes its toll on my own energy.

Then there's the 4th P: Pleasure. Where did that go?

Lifestyle management sounds good in theory, but when I have prioritized, planned and paced and there is nothing more to cut back on, what then?

 

[George]

Comfort

I offer you comfort. Whatever it is that brings you comfort, a hot cup of tea, a warm blanket, a good cry, a hug or to be held. I hope you can imagine that for yourself right now. In this moment there are comforting thoughts headed your way.

The good news is that you are lucky to be an intelligent woman able to apply coping strategies to the illness from hell. (grins)

The bad news is that you are still trying to apply coping strategies to the illness from hell. (really big grins)

The good news is that you can talk about it here and we understand. Nobody here is likely to tell you to just try harder, or prioritize better or some such nonsense, that takes way to much energy that you don't have.(snort) Everybody here understands how life get's distilled, distilled, distilled down to it's very essence.

The bad news is that you don't have the energy anymore to engage in the things you used to think of as pleasure. For me I sit for hours sometimes not moving just looking, watching the dogs play or the wind toss the tress around. That's my pleasure now. Finding Joy in the things that were to ordinary before. There's a lot of letting go with this DD. Till you can let go know that I'm wishing you comfort.

George

 

[Robin]

Everything George said!

And, I'd like to recommend an F. (hee hee not what you might think!) My F is flexibility. Pacing is great, but, there are somedays when you wake up and it becomes obvious that your body is not up to what you had planned for the day. Or, you have an "energy emergency" like staying up with your child and are simply too spent to do much after that. Flexibility is letting some of the housekeeping and other stuff go for a little bit until you feel up to it, or asking for help if some is available. It might be using baby wipes instead of a shower, or putting off the laundry for a day or two, or just tackling one load instead of the whole thing. I've been known to bribe my niece and nephew a few bucks each for dusting, mopping, vacuuming.

(I'm an organizational neat freak and it's against the very core of my nature to leave a sink full of dishes but...sometimes it's better that they wait. I have a pile of clean laundry that hasn't been put away and a huge tumbleweed of dog hair under the bed, and my neat freak self can just go stuff it.)

Your body is more important than chores. Planning and pacing is great but be flexible enough to defer stuff if you have to.

 

[creekfeet]

Thank you, George and Robin. I was feeling very cranky when I posted, but I'm much better now: only mildly cranky! XD

Thanks for the comfort and the thoughts. I guess letting go is something one has to do over and over and over. Constant practice.

 

[Victoria]

Great Advice, Robin,

It's so very hard to let go when you're a neat freak or compulsively tidy.

I almost had a panic attack last week, purely & simply because I couldn't find a book I wanted to refer to on a post.

My books are arranged in non-fiction & fiction, author or subject matter. And my health books arranged in subject AND author.

And then there's the pile next to my couch (which are new books started & not finished OR not started at all).

Gosh, fancy getting upset because I couldn't find a book .

PS. And fancy get agitated last night because I had put my dressing gown on at 7.30pm after a late appmnt at the acupuncturist, and my brother & his partner rang to say they were in the area & dropping in. For a few minutes I felt embarrassed that I was in my dressing gown so early & not dressed, and then I thought, hey, this is family dropping in, not the Queen of Best Dressed in the World - relax, answer the door with your dressing gown on & enjoy the visit.