Around the age of 14 I begin to feel a strong discomfort in being observed while I play football...During the game I no longer understood anything, physical and verbally blocked. I avoided eye contact with others.
I brought all these inconveniences including fear, paranoia, anticipatory anxiety even in everyday life ... social anxiety and doing things in front of others for me was impossible ... even the slightest things.
Surely my ability to think and to think again is not fast in the presence of strangers ... at home all in all I'm pretty well ... I still can not pay attention when others speak for example if I have 3 people talking to me in front of me it is difficult to make the "switch" with the thought and the gaze towards that person.
"Gaze aversion in autistic and normal children."
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/944993
"Visual images often intrude on verbal thinking"
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-05-visual-images-intrude-pondering-hardwired.html
"Selective Mutism?"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism
If this response is not rooted in trauma, and you were not this way before, I'm thinking envoronmental (chemical exposure, e.g. mercury,lead) cause is far more likely than genetic.
It doesn't take much mercury exposure during adolescence to cause lasting impairment.
I recall an interesting article on tracing lead contaminated human food, turned out farmers in Spain/France (I don't recall) were routinely target shooting over crops, and the lead from lead bullets got into human food that way.
I believe I did see an article on a supplement helping gaze aversion, but I can't remember what it was or where I'd have written it down. I think it had to do with focus? A stimulant like amphetamine/ritalin? Thiamine? I don't remember.
A hypothesis I have on gaze aversion is that an individual has difficulty focusing, he eliminates distractions as he lacks the capability of simultaneously handling them (along the lines of the "visual images intrude on verbal thinking" article). You wrote "I was born as a hyperactive child in fact I was never standing still." did any stimulant nootropic help you focus better?
Since I was a child I have always had a great difficulty in coordinating thought, language, eye movement and movement when I find myself in difficulty or in situations that I have not calculated and new.
It is not automatic but I have to think and calculate in advance.
There is no naturalness in things and emotions.
Yes I am this way as well since age 14 after forcefed antipsychotics.
I'm reading you as driven to find solutions to the impairments you see, you were not impaired in these ways prior to age 14? Prior to this football game did you have difficulty coordinating thought, etc?
I begin to take SSRIs in even high enough doses for months without apparent success.
"Researchers identify three sub-types of depression"
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2018-10-sub-types-depression.html
That you had no childhood trauma and were non-responsive indicates to me again environmental cause.
I change different psychiatrists and I start other therapies based on drugs like SNRI and anti-psychotics that have led me to great side effects including a serotoninergic crisis.
I had lost facial expressiveness totally." & anhedonia
I expect these symptoms are persistent antipsychotic side effects, I experience them as well. My muscles went rigid and less responsive as well (e.g. jaw constantly clenching), I lost significant ability playing sport (no longer able to move muscles fluidly).
"Reduced affect display"
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reduced_affect_display
Hopefully Italy with its foresight to protect "genetic data" (23andme), also protects their children from drug harm within clinical practices:
"The Psychiatric Diagnosing and Drugging of Our Children"
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-peter-breggin/the-new-child-abuse-psych_b_788900.html
That you were never diagnosed with schizophrenia, having no auditory/visual hallucinations that substantially harmed/interfered with your life, and were prescribed antipsychotics says to me the possible benefit never exceeded the probable harm. Irresponsible of those practitioners to do that to you. That your parents sought out psychiatrists (specifically drugs) suggests to me they lack the skills to navigate the situation.
Let's say we can summarize with "paranoid schizophrenia" even if I have never been officially diagnosed
I suggest not to self classify, it is not helpful. Leave that to a professional who has seen and evaluated hundreds to thousands of people. And even they "cross evaluating" patients come to all sorts of different conclusions.
Only in this last month I come to know the cycle of methylation and all that is related. Having no specialist in Italy that follows this thing
Oh, you wrote of trimethylglycine, give that a shot, it helps my mental focus substantially (negates chronic inflammation & allergy from titanium/nickel implant, so I guess may not help you, IDK).
I've also seen two others say huperzine-A helped undo the lasting cognition damage antipsychotics did to them (long after discontinuation).
Aside from those you've got layers of stuff going on (adhd? age 14 environmental toxin? antipsychotic damage?). So personally I don't think methylation model will help with any of those layers, but sure try things yourself and see if something does help you.
Keep a journal, so you can remember what you tried. Write a presentation of your life in chronological order so your practitioner can make sense of things.
Try to find a different practitioner in Italy, I suggest a psychologist for grounding, and he can refer you to others from there if appropriate. I expect they can appraise your situation, and give you healthy models/treatments to maximize your life satisfaction. If they can't help you, find someone else.
I am unfamiliar with health care in Italy, but was moved by your drive to remove these barriers you did not have before (like me), so I chose to write a response.