Moving house - I have moved, but now in temporary accommodation

mermaid

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I have posted before about trying to sell my house alone and move alone with ME/CFS. It's been a long difficult process and I am still not quite there. It's not something I would ever want to repeat. I believe my ME/CFS worsened after I had Covid in Dec 2020 so I run out of energy much more quickly than previously and though my symptoms are mild compared with some, if you are managing things alone, then I found the symptoms got worse because there is only me to do the essential stuff. I was doing a volunteer role for my mental health, but that was also worsening my symptoms.

I am in the UK and about 10 days ago I went ahead with selling my house to the buyer without moving direct to the retirement flat I am buying, as the legal process was slightly delayed on the flat, and I was afraid of losing my buyer who has bought the house with cash and at a high rate for the property (it's at the lower end re cost and my retirement flat though smaller than my house is expensive as near London). I had already lost one buyer, and could not risk this again.

In the event it happened very fast, with a kind relative offering to house me temporarily, but on the opposite side of the country in the town I was born in. So I have moved from West Cornwall to Sussex and my flat is in Greater London which is closer to where I am now. I had adrenaline kick in during the process but it kind of ran out during the last few days of when the removal men came in and I really struggled getting it all together as I was so exhausted. Thankfully a friend supported me on the last day when my things went into store, and she helped me do a basic clean on the house so it didn't look a tip for the new buyer. Then my youngest son arrived by train and helped me to Sussex by train with my luggage, after a night in a hotel - very few drivers in my family!!!

I was a bit shocked by the severity of the PEM issues but thankfully I have my own room here and bathroom and can really chill out. The worst of the PEM lasted a week with terrible fatigue, brain fog, and muscle pain. In retrospect I am grateful for the break as if I had gone straight to the flat I would have had no rest. I have little to do here, other than preparing my breakfast and lunch - my sister in law and brother in law cook us the main meal.

The flat sale should go through next week, but I am staying here while my son decorates it for me, and sorts out a new carpet and this could take weeks due to the wait for a fitter. Also I am 70 in mid June and months ago arranged a birthday meal in a completely different place, and will need to get to that by train alone, though I am staying in a nice hotel for 3 nights to enable me to relax and see some old friends.

I feel that the worst is over, but though my relatives are kind, I am aware that I am in their home, and will be glad when I can finally settle in to my flat. Given the horrendous housing situation for many in the UK, I feel grateful that I have enough money to do this at all.

Eventually I think life will be easier for me. Living in a house on top of a hill with a wonderful view had its pluses, but the prospect of managing the house and the garden alone with ME, and with no car as I am ageing was worrying me. I will have more support where I am going to, and it's on the flat so much easier for walking, and public transport easy and free. There is a shared garden, and my flat is on the ground floor with a door straight out to that, and there are public parks reasonably near that are beautiful to sit in. I may be able to get myself a rechargeable buggy to get to them more easily though not sure how good I would be with driving that!
 

lenora

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Hello @mermaid.....I remember your situation very well. At age 75 I face the same difficulties, and have decided that even if my husband should go first (please, NO, but it's another thing we have no control over), I'll move closer to my duaghter here and this house will be sold. Our daughter can take handle this responsibility as it can't be helped.

I'm glad that you sold your property. London will be better for you b/c of the proximity to your son(s) and families. The fact that he's taking care of the redecorating and carpeting is a great help. It's too bad that you didn't have more assistance in Cornwall. My in-laws lived in the Torbay (Torquay area) at one time. Beautiful house and property but way too far and too difficult to reach London. They then moved to the house they kept in Bath (had rented it, but that's another story!). We were glad they were back in Bath.

After time spent adjusting in London, I'm sure that you'll find the buses and shops helpful. I guess finding a doctor that you like will be the next big step.

Great of your relatives to have you stay. Yes, age makes things more difficult in so many of our cases. The low energy can become even lower.

How far away will be you be from your son and daughter-in-law. Do you have grandchildren....you'll probably just want to rest, rest, rest when you first arrive.

No, money doesn't go too far anywhere in the south of England, especially London....housing being the worst.

We hope to hear from you once you're settled in and have everything behind you. That's a nice thought isn't it? Best wishes for the rest of your move. Hold on to that energy! Yours, Lenora.
 
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Second star to the right ...
@mermaid

First of all, HUUUUGE kudos and congratulations on handling a mind-boggling process, with so many shifts and turns and long dark alleys that it would have defeated most of us here very early on.

And second of all, congratulations also on your flexibility, as well as your loving and very kind family.

And third of all, I agree with @Blue Jay .... I think you'll find the wrenching change to be extremely positive, even without the beautiful view and the security of a lovely home, that I'm assuming you lived in for a fairly long time and is therefore stuffed with memories and associations to things and people you dont want to lose .... but the proximity of your new flat to gardens and parks and shops and LIFE is going to work its magic, once you recover from the process, which was so hard, on so many levels ....

Congratulations on your almost bottomless commitment to this difficult procedure, and ....

Onward and upward :rocket::rocket::rocket:
!!!
 

mermaid

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Hello @mermaid.....I remember your situation very well. At age 75 I face the same difficulties, and have decided that even if my husband should go first (please, NO, but it's another thing we have no control over), I'll move closer to my duaghter here and this house will be sold. Our daughter can take handle this responsibility as it can't be helped.

I'm glad that you sold your property. London will be better for you b/c of the proximity to your son(s) and families. The fact that he's taking care of the redecorating and carpeting is a great help. It's too bad that you didn't have more assistance in Cornwall. My in-laws lived in the Torbay (Torquay area) at one time. Beautiful house and property but way too far and too difficult to reach London. They then moved to the house they kept in Bath (had rented it, but that's another story!). We were glad they were back in Bath.

After time spent adjusting in London, I'm sure that you'll find the buses and shops helpful. I guess finding a doctor that you like will be the next big step.

Great of your relatives to have you stay. Yes, age makes things more difficult in so many of our cases. The low energy can become even lower.

How far away will be you be from your son and daughter-in-law. Do you have grandchildren....you'll probably just want to rest, rest, rest when you first arrive.

No, money doesn't go too far anywhere in the south of England, especially London....housing being the worst.

We hope to hear from you once you're settled in and have everything behind you. That's a nice thought isn't it? Best wishes for the rest of your move. Hold on to that energy! Yours, Lenora.
Hello again Lenora and thank you for your post! I remember writing to you when I first posted about the move. I must say that I thought it would happen more quickly, but in the event, it did give me more time for the sorting out of interminable 'stuff' that had to be slowly weeded out and disposed of when I had the energy. I find winter hard going, and I had tripped onto my left knee in November and it was a slow heal (and have been left with nerve damage re numbness - but happily I can walk OK on it).

I will only be about 5 - 10 mins bus ride from the youngest son, so not on top of him, but near enough for support if I need it. Frankly I was worried about the ambulance service in Cornwall - it's bad everywhere, but worse if you live in a rural area. When my husband lay dying, they were late arriving I believe due to where we lived, and that was pre Covid, though I know they could not have saved him and he would have preferred to go in the way he did.

I think you are wise to think about what you would do in your own situation even if it hasn't happened yet. I never really thought about it, as my husband always seemed to be the healthier one, but in truth if he had been left, he would have struggled down the line as he was computer phobic and didn't drive, and didn't like buses! (on top of a steep hill!). At least I could order online and get it all delivered.

I think the GP issue will be huge unfortunately as I take an obscure thyroid med that the NHS have been funding in Cornwall but you can bet your life they will try to take me off it in Wallington! If necessary I will be buying my own rather than go down that route. Other than that I don't have anything much apart from eye drops for 2 different conditions. I have lowish/normal BP and am not diabetic, so they should be grateful.

I only have one grandchild who lives in the North of England and she is 20 this year - the child of my oldest son, but not with that partner any more. I used to see her once a year, but she is now at Uni. My youngest son and his wife could have a child, but I rather think they have decided not to.

I was hoping that my flat purchase would happen tomorrow, but not heard from the solicitor yet on the details so maybe it will not happen that day now. However, I will likely be here now until mid June I think. I am 70 on the 14th and have booked a 4 day break and family meal in Winchester, so maybe just after that.
 

mermaid

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@mermaid

First of all, HUUUUGE kudos and congratulations on handling a mind-boggling process, with so many shifts and turns and long dark alleys that it would have defeated most of us here very early on.

And second of all, congratulations also on your flexibility, as well as your loving and very kind family.

And third of all, I agree with @Blue Jay .... I think you'll find the wrenching change to be extremely positive, even without the beautiful view and the security of a lovely home, that I'm assuming you lived in for a fairly long time and is therefore stuffed with memories and associations to things and people you dont want to lose .... but the proximity of your new flat to gardens and parks and shops and LIFE is going to work its magic, once you recover from the process, which was so hard, on so many levels ....

Congratulations on your almost bottomless commitment to this difficult procedure, and ....

Onward and upward :rocket::rocket::rocket:!!!
Thank you @YippeeKi YOW !!
Yes, I am very lucky to have some family to take me in especially as the ones who are doing it are not even blood relatives! It's my husband's family really though we all knew each other in our teens, were in the same youth club, and I even went out (briefly) with the man here (it's my husband's sister and her husband). It's long enough ago though.... like 50 years!

I don't think my brother and his wife would have offered (and I find them hard work anyway, and they find me hard work), and my youngest son probably would have, if pushed, but his house is small and it would have caused some difficulties for them as his wife uses the spare bedroom as a work room.

I lived in the house I have just left for just over 18 years, but I didn't have any real ties in the area, other than the friends I had made - not many but they were good ones. In the retirement flat I have moved to, they have a guest room which is very cheap for visitors (£17.50 a night) and this chain of retirement flats are all over the UK as far as I can tell. Luckily there is a new one built in Penzance in Cornwall where I just moved from, and it seems that I can book the guest room in any of them for £15 and will be able to go back to the place I have just been living in and pay them a visit. It's a long trip on the train, but a lovely place for a holiday.

Thank you so much for your positive words about my big change. I think it will be OK. Any change is a risk, but if you don't take risks then eventually life changes anyway, and life is a risk! I just did a count of the number of houses I have lived in my life and I think it's around 15 but I think I might have missed some there.

At one time we had moved 12 times in 12 years and then thankfully it slowed down! Anyway, I had to learn to adapt a lot with those moves. I like being in one place now though and making deeper friendships if I can.
 

lenora

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Hello @mermaid.....Let us know when your apartment deal has closed. Yes, those additional rooms for rent are a great bargain.

We had a hard time finding an apartment in a nursing home for Rod's mother when she was released from the hospital. Finally found a gorgeous place that took her (huge apt., all new) and I used to call her daily, while Rod visited often. (She was in her 80's, so a fair bit older than you.)

I'm sure you'll be e-mailing, texting or even using the phone a lot when you first move in, but I do believe the friends angle will work out for you. Like you said, you can return to Cornwall for visiting and I hope you do. I'm sure your friends will also like visiting you in London....your granddaughter too, perhaps.

You have a great attitude about the entire affair...good! Too bad about your knee, but I'm glad that you have no pain. I'm presently recovering from five pelvic fractures....osteoporosis that I've had for well over 30 years or so. And so it goes.....! At least I didn't have to have surgery, thank goodness. Rest up. Yours, Lenora.