I wasn't sure where to post this as I couldn't find a forum section for mental health so I hope it's ok I ppst here.
I started with cfs early 2016. 2017 was a better year but then last year i started suffering from extreme anxiety, 12 hour panic attacks and later in the year for the first time, deep depression. I thought I'd had depression in my life before after my brother attacked me 7 years ago but last year I found out what it really was like. I scored very high on GP depression tests, felt so low, couldn't function at all due to depression and my CFS flared so badly all over again as a result of so much anxiety, panic and depression.
This year my anxiety improved, the panic attacks became rare again, my general anxiety halved and the depression lifted. Then after some stress in the summer losing my uncle, rabbit dying suddenly and then my dogs both had tumours diagnosed, my anxiety and panic returned for about a month as did the depression. Not as bad as last year but it took me about 6 weeks to improve. During that time the cfs flared bad again too.
In ths spring i started doing housework again, I could cook, shower etc and I felt so happy all I couldn't do last year was now back in my life. I felt like a mum and wife again. So the setback in the summer was hard. Anyway I felt much better by October mentally but since them this has happened.....
I've always had a strong sparkle in my stomach for my hobbies, they've kept me going through my tough times, a nice focus. Reading self help books, books on spirituality, Crystal's, meditation, gentle yoga, learning about healthy foods and vegetarian/veganism, essential oils etc.. I always felt that excitement for learning and having a focus and they were a huge part of me. Then these last few months that sparkle has gone. It stated where I felt too tired to read, I'd read a page and take nothing in which I assumed was fatigue so I didnt worry too much but now I've zero mojo for my hobbies. I dont want to do them and cant force myself to. I got upset yesterday talking to hubby, everyone knows me as this woman that loves Crystal's, spirituality, books, yoga etc and I feel I've lost that side of me. A side thats helped me through so much since the tough time I went through in 2012 with my brother and extended family.
Why? It sounds so much like depression I know, but my depression was far worse in the summer when i hit a period of difficult events. My anxiety is now lower and the depression definitely isn't anywhere near as bad ad the summer or at all like last year. Of course i didn't do hobbies last year as my days were a blur of panic, tears and fatigue but once i improved this year i was back excited about my passions. Now it's all gone again yet i dont feel deeply depressed thay bad. Is this normal? My hubby thinks it's because recently the fatigue has got in the way again, i am resting more than i was the rest of the year because of the fatigue every day and I'm brain fogged so lost my mojo. Yes there's an element of depression still but my GP agrees its situational, who wouldn't feel depressed with CFS, unable to get out to live life and feeling like you're the worst mother ever because of the CFS.
I cant understand why now I have this lost mojo for my passions? It's quite strange not feeling that part of me. If my depression was a 10/10 in severity last year, it's now maybe a 5. It's situational now and that's normal I guess. 2 years being housebound with cfs and pots type symptoms is no fun. Can anyone relate to this loss of passions? It actually makes me anxious that I feel this numbness in my gut for my old passions? Its similar to when you're depressed and cant feel love for your own family, that's scary too.
Sorry this is long
I started with cfs early 2016. 2017 was a better year but then last year i started suffering from extreme anxiety, 12 hour panic attacks and later in the year for the first time, deep depression. I thought I'd had depression in my life before after my brother attacked me 7 years ago but last year I found out what it really was like. I scored very high on GP depression tests, felt so low, couldn't function at all due to depression and my CFS flared so badly all over again as a result of so much anxiety, panic and depression.
This year my anxiety improved, the panic attacks became rare again, my general anxiety halved and the depression lifted. Then after some stress in the summer losing my uncle, rabbit dying suddenly and then my dogs both had tumours diagnosed, my anxiety and panic returned for about a month as did the depression. Not as bad as last year but it took me about 6 weeks to improve. During that time the cfs flared bad again too.
In ths spring i started doing housework again, I could cook, shower etc and I felt so happy all I couldn't do last year was now back in my life. I felt like a mum and wife again. So the setback in the summer was hard. Anyway I felt much better by October mentally but since them this has happened.....
I've always had a strong sparkle in my stomach for my hobbies, they've kept me going through my tough times, a nice focus. Reading self help books, books on spirituality, Crystal's, meditation, gentle yoga, learning about healthy foods and vegetarian/veganism, essential oils etc.. I always felt that excitement for learning and having a focus and they were a huge part of me. Then these last few months that sparkle has gone. It stated where I felt too tired to read, I'd read a page and take nothing in which I assumed was fatigue so I didnt worry too much but now I've zero mojo for my hobbies. I dont want to do them and cant force myself to. I got upset yesterday talking to hubby, everyone knows me as this woman that loves Crystal's, spirituality, books, yoga etc and I feel I've lost that side of me. A side thats helped me through so much since the tough time I went through in 2012 with my brother and extended family.
Why? It sounds so much like depression I know, but my depression was far worse in the summer when i hit a period of difficult events. My anxiety is now lower and the depression definitely isn't anywhere near as bad ad the summer or at all like last year. Of course i didn't do hobbies last year as my days were a blur of panic, tears and fatigue but once i improved this year i was back excited about my passions. Now it's all gone again yet i dont feel deeply depressed thay bad. Is this normal? My hubby thinks it's because recently the fatigue has got in the way again, i am resting more than i was the rest of the year because of the fatigue every day and I'm brain fogged so lost my mojo. Yes there's an element of depression still but my GP agrees its situational, who wouldn't feel depressed with CFS, unable to get out to live life and feeling like you're the worst mother ever because of the CFS.
I cant understand why now I have this lost mojo for my passions? It's quite strange not feeling that part of me. If my depression was a 10/10 in severity last year, it's now maybe a 5. It's situational now and that's normal I guess. 2 years being housebound with cfs and pots type symptoms is no fun. Can anyone relate to this loss of passions? It actually makes me anxious that I feel this numbness in my gut for my old passions? Its similar to when you're depressed and cant feel love for your own family, that's scary too.
Sorry this is long
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