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Loss of interest in hobbies? Depression.

Jemima37

Senior Member
Messages
407
Location
UK
I wasn't sure where to post this as I couldn't find a forum section for mental health so I hope it's ok I ppst here.

I started with cfs early 2016. 2017 was a better year but then last year i started suffering from extreme anxiety, 12 hour panic attacks and later in the year for the first time, deep depression. I thought I'd had depression in my life before after my brother attacked me 7 years ago but last year I found out what it really was like. I scored very high on GP depression tests, felt so low, couldn't function at all due to depression and my CFS flared so badly all over again as a result of so much anxiety, panic and depression.

This year my anxiety improved, the panic attacks became rare again, my general anxiety halved and the depression lifted. Then after some stress in the summer losing my uncle, rabbit dying suddenly and then my dogs both had tumours diagnosed, my anxiety and panic returned for about a month as did the depression. Not as bad as last year but it took me about 6 weeks to improve. During that time the cfs flared bad again too.

In ths spring i started doing housework again, I could cook, shower etc and I felt so happy all I couldn't do last year was now back in my life. I felt like a mum and wife again. So the setback in the summer was hard. Anyway I felt much better by October mentally but since them this has happened.....

I've always had a strong sparkle in my stomach for my hobbies, they've kept me going through my tough times, a nice focus. Reading self help books, books on spirituality, Crystal's, meditation, gentle yoga, learning about healthy foods and vegetarian/veganism, essential oils etc.. I always felt that excitement for learning and having a focus and they were a huge part of me. Then these last few months that sparkle has gone. It stated where I felt too tired to read, I'd read a page and take nothing in which I assumed was fatigue so I didnt worry too much but now I've zero mojo for my hobbies. I dont want to do them and cant force myself to. I got upset yesterday talking to hubby, everyone knows me as this woman that loves Crystal's, spirituality, books, yoga etc and I feel I've lost that side of me. A side thats helped me through so much since the tough time I went through in 2012 with my brother and extended family.

Why? It sounds so much like depression I know, but my depression was far worse in the summer when i hit a period of difficult events. My anxiety is now lower and the depression definitely isn't anywhere near as bad ad the summer or at all like last year. Of course i didn't do hobbies last year as my days were a blur of panic, tears and fatigue but once i improved this year i was back excited about my passions. Now it's all gone again yet i dont feel deeply depressed thay bad. Is this normal? My hubby thinks it's because recently the fatigue has got in the way again, i am resting more than i was the rest of the year because of the fatigue every day and I'm brain fogged so lost my mojo. Yes there's an element of depression still but my GP agrees its situational, who wouldn't feel depressed with CFS, unable to get out to live life and feeling like you're the worst mother ever because of the CFS.

I cant understand why now I have this lost mojo for my passions? It's quite strange not feeling that part of me. If my depression was a 10/10 in severity last year, it's now maybe a 5. It's situational now and that's normal I guess. 2 years being housebound with cfs and pots type symptoms is no fun. Can anyone relate to this loss of passions? It actually makes me anxious that I feel this numbness in my gut for my old passions? Its similar to when you're depressed and cant feel love for your own family, that's scary too.

Sorry this is long
 
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Wishful

Senior Member
Messages
5,684
Location
Alberta
It's hard to maintain an interest in things when doing them causes excess fatigue (and maybe PEM). I had hobbies and interests pre-ME. They're just too much work to pursue now. I find it easier to do some non-mentally-challenging activity such as digging soil or cutting firewood.

It's hard to tell whether I've lost the ability to enjoy those hobbies. Is there a reduction in endorphins generated, or whatever it is that makes such activities enjoyable? It might take sophisticated lab research to answer that question.

I don't see any point in feeling anxious about the loss of passion in hobbies or interests. It's just part of being human: some of us lose body parts, some of us lose sex drive, and some of us lose a passion for hobbies. If there is a treatment for loss of passion, it probably has nasty side-effects.

I just accepted that I wouldn't be able to enjoy my hobbies unless my ME got treated, and that my life has become a matter of just living day by day. I've been getting rid of tools and materials that I'd been collecting for 'projects some day'. It's actually been somewhat freeing: there was a bit of stress involved with seeing those things and knowing that I wasn't using them. In a way, the more stuff I get rid of, the more relaxed I feel.
 

Mary

Moderator Resource
Messages
17,335
Location
Southern California
It stated where I felt too tired to read, I'd read a page and take nothing in which I assumed was fatigue so I didnt worry too much but now I've zero mojo for my hobbies.
@Jemima37 - your loss of interest in your hobbies could very well be connected to your fatigue. Some things that come to mind are a possible B12 deficiency, also low phosphate can cause severe fatigue AND loss of interest in things. I've experienced that, and when my phosphate levels came back up, so did my energy and my interest in life. Also when my adrenals were depleted, that also caused severe fatigue, and was alleviated by an adrenal glandular supplement.

For low phosphate, drinking 3 glasses of kefir (high in phosphate) helped restore my energy and my mood and I eventually had to start taking a phosphate supplement.

I would look at the fatigue first, and try to find its source, because I think it very well could be linked to or the cause of your loss of interest in your hobbies.
 

Wishful

Senior Member
Messages
5,684
Location
Alberta
The loss of passion for things might also be part of a defence mechanism: a way for your brain to say "Just rest quietly." If it is a defence mechanism at work, it may be malfunctioning, protecting us from a non-existent threat, but it's still at work, and so we feel lethargic.

It could, as Mary says, be some other problem that might be treatable, so do experiment, and do pay attention if you ever feel an improvement, so you can try to figure out what might have caused it.
 

Wolfcub

Senior Member
Messages
7,089
Location
SW UK
@Jemima37 Perhaps what you are describing is anhedonia which is a common symptom of ME/CFS. Anhedonia is inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities.

On the very first day when I became il, with what I thought was a strange kind of flu, back in early Spring 2018, that symptom was among the sudden group of symptoms that hit me at approx. 2pm, out of the blue on a Tuesday afternoon.
I'd never felt that before.
The physical symptoms really took centre stage. But that loss of interest in or pleasure in anything was awful. It was deeply visceral. It seemed that anything which had had heartfelt meaning to me prior to that day, I suddenly couldn't "make contact" with.

I haven't really got "hobbies" as such, but one thing I loved very much was going for long walks in woodlands, and my favourite haunts near my home.
First I couldn't go because I was too unwell. Then I found I derived no pleasure from it as I had done before, even when I was going through a mini-remission and didn't feel ill as such.

It was as if a barrier had come down between me and those happy feelings of easy going pleasure in the wild environment, and something that moved my heart to do.

I have found since, that this sensation comes and goes.
On some days I can actually capture it a little, and that is a very good day indeed.

But I certainly understand what that's like.

What causes it, I am not sure. But I believe when our bodies are so challenged with chronic ilness, we might be thrown into a "survival mode" where anything that isn't absolutely necessary for survival is temporarily shelved by our whole system.
 

Wolfcub

Senior Member
Messages
7,089
Location
SW UK
I just accepted that I wouldn't be able to enjoy my hobbies unless my ME got treated, and that my life has become a matter of just living day by day. I've been getting rid of tools and materials that I'd been collecting for 'projects some day'. It's actually been somewhat freeing: there was a bit of stress involved with seeing those things and knowing that I wasn't using them.
I really feel for this. I loved making things. An old bridge across the stream at the back of my house fell apart 2017, so I collected a lot of stuff that year to build a new one, and cut a length of recycled telegraph pole to split with wedges, for struts. I can't express here the thrill it was going to give me to make a new bridge.
And no problem....right? I could always do that when the Spring came....
Nope. It can't be done. I have never had a "cannot be done" scenario. This is new. The stuff for building sits there, and the telegraph pole sits next to a hedge, waiting for me to tow it back with the car. All I managed to do was sink one wedge in it and had to give up.
There is a part of me, I've noticed, in acceptance of that. But another part that itches to build that bridge.
 

Wishful

Senior Member
Messages
5,684
Location
Alberta
The major projects I've managed to accomplish lately are all 'must get done' tasks, I build a bridge like that a few years ago (not split though) because I needed access to the other side of the stream (can actually get internet access there). Crossing via canoe was just too tedious, so I managed to make the effort for the bridge. Likewise, last year I replaced my old shingle roof with metal roofing. It took months doing it alone, but it was less work than patching leaks frequently. Patching my driveway is another task that just has to be done, so I find I'm able to spend hours shovelling soil.

Tasks that are much less labour intensive, such as electronic projects, that aren't vital: they just don't get done. :(

For your bridge, do you have to split the pole? I used full spruce logs for mine (27' long IIRC). Dragging the first one in place was a lot of work (used a come-along), but once both were in position, it was easy to nail the planks across. The small contact area of the plank on the round surface minimizes water-holding area, and thus rot. A work crew stripped the old planks (rough 2x12's) from the bridge near my driveway, so I had nice free planks. Free spikes too. :thumbsup:

Wonderfully useful bridge. I'm glad I managed to find the will to do it. The wildlife appreciates it too. A weasel keeps pooping on the bridge, but I don't think that's meant as an insult. I take it as appreciating the bridge so much that it wants to claim it.

The leak-free roof is wonderful too.
 

Wolfcub

Senior Member
Messages
7,089
Location
SW UK
I was wondering if I need to split the pole. The whole pole is about 30ft, but to cross the little stream I only need 10ft lengths. Two would suffice, to nail some treated planks to.
My real problem is managing the weights. 2 years ago, I could have done it with only a little strain. There are maneuvring-into-place tools whch I haven't got however, and it would involve brute strength to get both 10ft lengths from car, through garden and into position.
Probably because it's been in a wet field for about 20 years, but that pole is incredibly heavy even only 10ft of it.

Plus the main pole gets thicker along its length, so the 2 cut pieces would be different thicknesses. The unevenness might be possible to work with, but I haven't enough strength/energy to shave it down with tools as I would maybe have done before.

That was why I was trying to split the first length horizontally, to minimise the weight, and get even sizes. It's super treated wood though, and will last a very long time.
I would cut spruce. That would be ideal, but none are growing where I live. There are some about 5 miles away, but hard to get back towing by car along village lanes used by other cars !:lol: Plus they are in protected woodland so no way would that work
 
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Jemima37

Senior Member
Messages
407
Location
UK
@Jemima37 - your loss of interest in your hobbies could very well be connected to your fatigue. Some things that come to mind are a possible B12 deficiency, also low phosphate can cause severe fatigue AND loss of interest in things. I've experienced that, and when my phosphate levels came back up, so did my energy and my interest in life. Also when my adrenals were depleted, that also caused severe fatigue, and was alleviated by an adrenal glandular supplement.

For low phosphate, drinking 3 glasses of kefir (high in phosphate) helped restore my energy and my mood and I eventually had to start taking a phosphate supplement.

I would look at the fatigue first, and try to find its source, because I think it very well could be linked to or the cause of your loss of interest in your hobbies.
Thank you.

My b12 etc is fine and I supplement anyway. My fatigue is due to CFS so I'm guessing loss if interest is side to the fatigue cfs causes.

Thank you.
 

Jemima37

Senior Member
Messages
407
Location
UK
The loss of passion for things might also be part of a defence mechanism: a way for your brain to say "Just rest quietly." If it is a defence mechanism at work, it may be malfunctioning, protecting us from a non-existent threat, but it's still at work, and so we feel lethargic.

It could, as Mary says, be some other problem that might be treatable, so do experiment, and do pay attention if you ever feel an improvement, so you can try to figure out what might have caused it.
Thank you wishful. I'm pretty sure irs juat the cfs as I supplement and have had cfs diagnosed.

Its likely my brain and body just wanting me to rest as you say maybe its it's way of making me rest properly right now. I dont think it's any additional health thing as its very specific, just a loss of moni for my hobbies, I dont feel majorly depressed or tearful. Nothing like how I felt when depressed- it's just a loss if interest in the hobbies I used to love- now my mind just wants me to watch tv and rest. Like my mojo has just got up and left, so maybe it is just the fatigue.

Thank you
 

Jemima37

Senior Member
Messages
407
Location
UK
@Jemima37 Perhaps what you are describing is anhedonia which is a common symptom of ME/CFS. Anhedonia is inability to feel pleasure in normally pleasurable activities.

On the very first day when I became il, with what I thought was a strange kind of flu, back in early Spring 2018, that symptom was among the sudden group of symptoms that hit me at approx. 2pm, out of the blue on a Tuesday afternoon.
I'd never felt that before.
The physical symptoms really took centre stage. But that loss of interest in or pleasure in anything was awful. It was deeply visceral. It seemed that anything which had had heartfelt meaning to me prior to that day, I suddenly couldn't "make contact" with.

I haven't really got "hobbies" as such, but one thing I loved very much was going for long walks in woodlands, and my favourite haunts near my home.
First I couldn't go because I was too unwell. Then I found I derived no pleasure from it as I had done before, even when I was going through a mini-remission and didn't feel ill as such.

It was as if a barrier had come down between me and those happy feelings of easy going pleasure in the wild environment, and something that moved my heart to do.

I have found since, that this sensation comes and goes.
On some days I can actually capture it a little, and that is a very good day indeed.

But I certainly understand what that's like.

What causes it, I am not sure. But I believe when our bodies are so challenged with chronic ilness, we might be thrown into a "survival mode" where anything that isn't absolutely necessary for survival is temporarily shelved by our whole system.
I totally agree and that makes sense after the stress and upset I has during the summer. My husband calls it going into safe mode so you can just focus on rest. The mind can't take in anymore information so books are a no go and you lose all interest in things because your mind and body want you to rest. It's a very strange feeling because I dont have bas depression anymore and I'm desperate to feel things again and want to do things even if I'm resting with the cfs. It's frustrating which I know wont help. I just want thay part of me back.
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,251
building bridges, wow - I can't imagine!

In October, important papers were inserted into a 10 X 12 inch brown envelop, taken to the Vehicle Dept.

Tomorrow is Jan 1. The energy to put these important papers back into the two locations they came from...is just not there. Dust is growing.

hobbies- Unless truely mindless, it all is exertion...and it all costs.

the kitchen table- a location where projects might happen, well sitting there for very long is harder and harder.
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,251
On the very first day when I became il, with what I thought was a strange kind of flu, back in early Spring 2018, that symptom was among the sudden group of symptoms that hit me at approx. 2pm, out of the blue on a Tuesday afternoon.
I'd never felt that before.

Amazing to read that! Anhedonia...its intense. A component of the Sickness Behavior, do not leave the cave.

I can generate some mild enthusiasm now and then, and acute Emotional Moments- ...but most other forms of pleasure in the body are absent or very diminished it seems.
 

Jemima37

Senior Member
Messages
407
Location
UK
It is strange how I suddenly csnt find any excitement. Like today it's new years day and no I have no feelings for new year. Usually I'd be planning some goals, getting my journal out and being positve for a better year. Nope, I'm doing nothing. I woke up, showered and just put the tv on while I recover from a shower. Another day of rest for me. I'm getting so bored, at least before I'd fill my day reading, planning meals, and just focusing on my goals even if I'm doing them from my rest bed. It's so annoying.
 

PatJ

Forum Support Assistant
Messages
5,288
Location
Canada

Jemima37

Senior Member
Messages
407
Location
UK
Also, here is an article by Cort on HealthRising about some possible reasons for the lack of enjoyment effect in fibromalgia and ME/CFS.
Thank you.

I guess it’s pretty normal in the circumstances. We all I’m sure go through these stages when stuck at home with chronic illness. Whether it’s depression or fatigue causing this emotional bluntness for our hobbies or feeling emotions. Hopefully it’ll pass and it’s just temporary for me. Maybe it is just a flare up of the depression again without me even realising it.