In Memory of Bevan Jeffery (beaverfury)

MeSci

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Hello Everyone,
I have been following this thread since the Beaver passed away.
I wanted to post a reply many times but have not quite felt up to it until now.

Bevan was an important person in my life and it is devastating to not have him here anymore.
He was intelligent, inspiring, insightful as well as artistic and articulate and my my best mate.
I used to be his girlfriend for five years and when we separated I didn't want to lose him from my life so I pestered him with friendship for a wonderful, further eight years.

I thought recently that if I was to marry in the next few years (as my partner has just been granted a visa to stay) Bevan would be my best man. He was also a wonderful uncle to his brother's three children and godfather to my nieces Ruby & Mazlyn.

I was there for him in the tough times but he was also always there for me.
He loved catching up for a good coffee, fine food (especially marron), a walk in the forest or a swim at a beautiful location called Fonty's pool or even the odd beer when he had the energy to, but he always paid for it the next day with fatigue & pain in recovery.

Bevan was a brilliant artist (although it always bothered him with frustration to do more, be better) & he loved life drawing. I'm so glad that whenever he forgot to get me a birthday/Christmas present he would give me a painting - my farmhouse looks like an art gallery.

He was a fine friend to visit with great life advice, made a good cup of tea and always fed me if I was hungry
- eggs a la`Bevaan!
He was a true gentle man and I cannot comprehend life without him, but will just have to.

Thank you to all of you in the PR family for your condolences to his family and friends. He will be missed forever and I'm so glad that you had the opportunity to converse with him and get to know him under these trying circumstances & suffering that you are all persevering with and understand. You were there for him when I couldn't be and when I didn't have the resources to support him in his search for treatments and cure. He spoke of you many times and was delighted when he started a thread and was part of many conversations.

All I can really say is that his death was his choice & I must find some way to support him in this, even though I dearly want him back. There were so many facets that compounded upon him to bring him to this decision.

Life goes on without Bevan, but not any easier. I miss him, everyday - his beautiful, fun character & insights and his true friendship. He was one in a billion.

I already feel memories of him slipping away & he's not here to remind me the funny, witty things he used to say. Its just so hard living on without such a precious person in my life.
Anyway, I will not go on about it, as we have all lost him or others just like him. I just wish I could have helped him flip all the crap cards off that life dealt to him.

There is a hole in my heart in the shape of Bevan that will ache forever, no one will ever fit it again, but maybe it will become a dull ache, with lovely memories of a beautiful soul. I really hope he found 'music in paradise'.

I can only wish that one day we will meet up again..hmm...he said he'd save a place for me wherever he was heading...
best wishes to you all,
nel
Thank you so much for these insights into Bevan in the 'real world', @nel. They have moved me to tears again. I hope he had some idea of how much he was valued both 'out there' and online.

If only he could have found enough value in life to make him want to carry on. But is there any point in 'if only'? Maybe there is - if only to remind us and others to try to make life better for each other if we can, and if those others will let us.

Maybe sometimes things are just beyond anyone's capabilities, but I still tend to think "Why didn't I/we"?, "What should I/we have done/not done?", etc.

It must be harder for you, having been so close.

Wishing you strength to cope with your loss.
 

RosieBee

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I just learned that Bevan is gone. I am devastated at this news and so sad. He is one of many people I have come to feel as familiar in my virtual online life, but he probably wasn't even aware of me. We are like shadow friends sharing each other's lives, never meeting, often not even commenting but following and becoming familiar with each other's taken-for-granted presence. Rest in peace Bevan. My deepest sympathy to his family and friends. It is just too heartbreaking.
 
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MeSci

ME/CFS since 1995; activity level 6?
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I just learned that Bevan is gone. I am devastated at this news and so sad. He is one of many people I have come to feel as familiar in my virtual online life, but he probably wasn't even aware of me. We are like shadow friends sharing each other's lives, never meeting, often not even commenting but following and becoming familiar with each other's taken-for-granted presence. My deepest sympathy to his family and friends. It is just too heartbreaking.
That is such a clear description of 'virtual' friends and acquaintances, and I found it thought-provoking, making me think more deeply about the relationships between people on a forum.

Do people here know/understand that others care about them? Maybe they often don't. We are so often undervalued in the 'real world', it can take a lot to compensate for that. I'm sure that forums like this can sometimes - even often - save lives. It's so sad when it seems that - collectively - we fail to do so, but perhaps sometimes it's just not possible.

I'm sure that won't stop us from trying.
 

Sushi

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@nel (please convey this message)
From the family of Vanessa Li to the family of Bevan Jeffery:

We have just learnt of Bevan's tragic passing from another ME patient. Our beloved daughter Vanessa also succumbed to this illness on 3 Feb 2015 after a long battle with ME, and we would like to extend our deepest sympathies to Bevan's family at this time of loss. May you find comfort in knowing that he is in a better place, with no more pain and has found his eternal peace and eternal life with God. Love knows no boundaries, even those between heaven and earth. Those we love never truly leave us, they live on in the kindness, joy, inspiration and love that they have brought into our lives. May God give you comfort, patience and strength in dealing with your grief.
 
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Thankyou so much for sharing such beautiful words about this wonderful man, Nel.
You knew him so well, and shared so many years of love and friendship with him, that you will be ever grateful for having known him, but will also have that Bevan shaped hole in your heart and life, that may heal in time, but will always leave a deep scar. This is the tragedy of losing someone loved so dearly...

I miss him, and think of him often, and wonder and wonder and wonder. I ponder all sorts of Beavery things. I think about the people that he touched the souls of, and think about all of those that he may have made a difference to in the future....I think about his art and how it would have progressed, I think about his gentle nature, I think about him eating herbs straight out of his garden, and I clearly remember the expression on his beautiful face after randomly tasting a radicchio leaf from my vegie patch. Little did I know that it was to be the last time I would have the pleasure of his company.

I have even been inspired by his love of music to start listening to Classic FM, although it brings me to tears most often.

It breaks my heart to see you grieving, and I'm sure if he could console you he would say "it was my choice, and I'm sorry to have hurt you so, but I was ready to let go, and I want you to be happy" (but obviously much more eloquently and intelligently than that!)

Thankyou to you all on PR. It obviously meant so much to Bevan. It seems he felt quite free and at home posting comments and blogs. I am so glad for you all to have had the opportunity to have known him and also to have understood his suffering through his online words. He was truly a wonderful, intelligent gentleman, and it seems cruel that circumstance can treat such a true spirit so unkindly.

Bevan was like family to us, an Uncle and Godparent to my children and an extension of my sister, Nel. He was my friend, and obviously he touched the hearts of many... RIP Beaverfury. Enjoy your eternal music in paradise, because I am sure it is there. xxx
 

*GG*

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Thankyou so much for sharing such beautiful words about this wonderful man, Nel.
You knew him so well, and shared so many years of love and friendship with him, that you will be ever grateful for having known him, but will also have that Bevan shaped hole in your heart and life, that may heal in time, but will always leave a deep scar. This is the tragedy of losing someone loved so dearly...

I miss him, and think of him often, and wonder and wonder and wonder. I ponder all sorts of Beavery things. I think about the people that he touched the souls of, and think about all of those that he may have made a difference to in the future....I think about his art and how it would have progressed, I think about his gentle nature, I think about him eating herbs straight out of his garden, and I clearly remember the expression on his beautiful face after randomly tasting a radicchio leaf from my vegie patch. Little did I know that it was to be the last time I would have the pleasure of his company.

I have even been inspired by his love of music to start listening to Classic FM, although it brings me to tears most often.

It breaks my heart to see you grieving, and I'm sure if he could console you he would say "it was my choice, and I'm sorry to have hurt you so, but I was ready to let go, and I want you to be happy" (but obviously much more eloquently and intelligently than that!)

Thankyou to you all on PR. It obviously meant so much to Bevan. It seems he felt quite free and at home posting comments and blogs. I am so glad for you all to have had the opportunity to have known him and also to have understood his suffering through his online words. He was truly a wonderful, intelligent gentleman, and it seems cruel that circumstance can treat such a true spirit so unkindly.

Bevan was like family to us, an Uncle and Godparent to my children and an extension of my sister, Nel. He was my friend, and obviously he touched the hearts of many... RIP Beaverfury. Enjoy your eternal music in paradise, because I am sure it is there. xxx
So beautifully sad, you are bringing tears to my eyes. Hope some healthy people can do more to advocate for us, and perhaps make some donations to some of the great groups/research that is going on now!

GG
 

taniaaust1

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I have a contact address for the family now and am sending this card with condolences from Bevan's friends at Phoenix Rising. I'll also let them know how to find this thread.

Thanks very much for doing that Sushi for us. It's such a beautiful card.

I was thinking of beaverfury only yesterday as he's still a member of the little Australian group we have at PR, so his name came up yesterday when I went to post in the conversation of the our group. He'll be always remembered there.
 
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Sushi

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Today I received a letter from Bevan's mother. I'll quote a bit of it:
Thank you so much and Phoenix Rising forums for your condolences and genuine caring of Bevan. It was lovely to think so many people were thinking of Bevan and his family. He was a beautiful soul with a love of nature, animals, birds and everything lovely....Hoping there will be some break through soon to alleviate some of the suffering for lots of people. I have read the memorials on Phoenix Rising and wish Bevan could see people did care. They are lovely....Wishing you and everybody affected a happy healthy life ahead and hope you find some answers soon. Lots of love...
She also enclosed a card with his Almond blossom painting with the printed message inside:
our mission in life must be to find love, in our hearts if not in actuality. we can always dream about it, remember it or hope for it. if not with a lover, then with a friend or a sunny day.
-bevan jeffery 1 June 2012
This card is available here.
 

Rrrr

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i'm not on the forums much, so i missed this earlier. i'm reading the thread now and crying -- it is so sad. and i didn't even know this good man.

of course it reminds me of another good man who took his life because ME was too hard: our dear sweet patrick. and then there was tom, and vanessa. and and and... so tragic. all of it.

sushi, do you think you can reach out to the family about sending the info about Bevan's passing to Lenny Jason's group?
 

Aerose91

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I just read this. Man, his story really hits home with me. I used to tell my mom, if after all these years I manage to make a 60% recovery, I'll be in misery. I completely sympathise with him in this having been such an active and limitless person. I'm sorry to his family everyone here that knew him.

Rest in peace, brother.