Feeling anxious (female related)

[Jemima37]

@Jemima37, thinking about your situation I came across this private home test kit, available now in the UK, that you may be interested in:

https://www.gynaehealthuk.com

Thank you I shall take a look.

 

[Jemima37]

This is one of those awful fears that keeps popping up like a jack-in-the-box no matter how hard you try to stuff it back in! I think everyone has at least one big recurring fear, and this one happens to be one of yours. And I can appreciate why you have this fear--I never used to worry about big scary medical issues when I was younger, but now that I'm slowly getting older these things are on my mind much more. I'm glad that you feel comfortable writing about your fears here. It's nice to get support from others, plus it's good to be able to talk about your fears and not just hold them inside. Mr. Rogers said once:


It sounds like you have the right attitude--you can't do anything about this right now, but you're slowly working towards the goal of eventually going to the doctor. And it sounds like you've made so much progress in the past year, even though there have been setbacks along the way.

Thank you Rebecca.

I am working on myself slowly. I guess it’s all I can do. This one thing just hangs over me that’s overdue and as it’s been 4.5 years I can’t forget it. Here it’s very 3 years so I keep having that play in my mind.

A member here suggested a private hpv home screen test as that causes almost all cervical cancers but I don’t think I could cope knowing I carry it as I’d fear even more I have or will developed cervical cancer.
Thank you for your kind replies, they always comfort me.

 

[Jemima37]

OK, Julie, you'll once again, you'l feel better. Hold onto that hope. I find a comforter of some special material helps me calm down, or a small teddy bear that my other daughter bought for me. I do wish we had a Queen-sized bed instead of the King we had to buy...just touching my husband helped. As far as sex goes, perhaps that will return to normal once you're off the pill and have adjusted to other meds. You're husband obviously cares for and loves you.

OK....it must be about 7:00 p.m. there; make a list of things to do tomorrow. I know you'll feel better. Yours, Lenora. xp

Lenora thank you.

Great advice. what was the AA book?

I do find when this fear hits me about being overdue my smear and my mind races I get up and push myself to do jobs around the house. Which on days I’m feeling crashed like the last 3 days is hard. I keep gagging up to distract my mind otherwise I sit and dwell on this fear I’m going to die and leave my children I’d ive got cancer. It’s a horrible thought.

I’m on the pill for heavy periods and I have to stop it in May as they’ve stopped manufacturing it in the Uk. It’s scary as hell as I’m terrified of my heavy periods returning, that’s why I took it.

My husband is amazing and fully understands that she to being attacked in 2012 by my brother and all the stress my extended family caused, then the anxiety, PTSD and CFS, sex has been the least of my priorities. It’s sad but I ihusixslly and mentally am not able to have sex and he’s fine. We’re still very close and love eachother to pieces. I do worry what if one day he resents me but he tells me off for saying that as he loves me regardless of whether we have sex or not. I feel bad, he’s only 42, but I guess there’s nothing more I can do about it right now. He never mentions it and seems happy.
Thank you again 😊

 

[Jemima37]

My husband's from Bath; where do you hail from? My mother was from London. So I've known both sides of the pond my entire life. He still speaks with a British accent and i realized that the TV shows we watch were only contributing to it. It's a bit late to stop now, besides, we wouldn't want to. I'm American right down to the tips of my toes. Although I love (rather loved) taking off for the UK as much as possible. Yours, Lenora.

Thank you.

I had therapy for PTSD for 3 years after what happened with my extended family. It helped a lot. I have no contact with my family and I’ve dealt with it so I’m ok in regards to that. It’s just what led to my anxiety struggles and then my Gp thinks all the stress led to my health deteriorating. Stress has a lot to answer for most definitely.

I am from Chester in Cheshire. I hear Bath is really nice.

Thank you 😊

 

[lenora]

I know Chester very well. I've often thought the best time to see England, the way it was, is after dark. Of course you never know which areas are safe now, but it, like here, wasn't always that way.

Yes, I do believe firmly in the mind/body connection and stress most definitely plays a part in most illnesses/diseases. Mind you, I wouldn't tell people that, but I've noticed the connection in my own life. My brothers and sisters are all just about gone now, I've dealt with it/still dealing with it, but my Therapist doesn't even want to see me for 6 wks., so I'm making good progress there. On the whole, a lot of what we face has to be done alone and at our own pace. The important thing is to keep walking through it & doing the necessary hard work. Of course it doesn't make us feel good at the time, but understanding is so helpful. Personally, I've found that no one is to blame for the situation my family was thrust into...not my father (who died at 40), my mother or my brothers and sisters. I have nothing to do with my nieces and nephews (except for one niece) b/c i knew I couldn't handle more than I had already taken on. And now that I'm old I find it so much easier to put the pieces of the puzzle together....it's great. The good and the bad of an older body. Take good care, Yours, Lenora

 

[lenora]

As far as your periods go, I woudn't worry...there's more than one medication that works. Stay up to date with latest research, it can help you feel better. I'm not particularly a fan of drugs, but do realize the importance they have in our everyday lives. I think the new medicine is being called Bio-Medicine, and it makes a great deal of sense. As far as your hubby goes, he must be related to mine. A very good thing indeed. Yours, Lenora

 

[lenora]

As far as your periods go, I woudn't worry...there's more than one medication that works. Stay up to date with latest research, it can help you feel better. I'm not particularly a fan of drugs, but do realize the importance they have in our everyday lives. I think the new medicine is being called Bio-Medicine, and it makes a great deal of sense. As far as your hubby goes, he must be related to mine. A very good thing indeed. Yours, Lenora

Oh, the AA handbook is merely referred to as The Blue Book. I need to get another copy for myself...it helps to get you through things day by day; if not minute by minute. It's good & found it very helpful. Yes, British traffic is horrendous these days. I feel sorry for some of the small villages...cars just whiz by constantly. Your travel ads here show no cars/traffic. I wonder how ours appear there? You'll come out of this, I promise. Just have faith in yourself.

 

[Wolfcub]

I hear Bath is really nice.

Bath has to be my 2nd favourite city in England. My top favourite is Wells (lovely little place)
But Bath is a whole different place at night. It has its issues, as do most highly populated places.

I used to visit Chester when I was a child, 1950s-60s. There was a zoo there, and it was a good day-trip place. Now I am horrified by zoos....as they were then anyway. I didn't know better back in those days though. But the city is very nice.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Has your doctor shown any concern about you not having your smear for so long?

I don't push for tests or sign up for- tests very often and my particular doctor rarely mentions them.

Conversely- the list of issues is so long, Oh my Vagina!

I don't get mammograms either. I"d have been exrayed...25 times by now if I had listen to them and thats ridiculous. If there was a family history, etc etc. That would be different.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

have very light periods on the pill. I am dreading it. It’s worked wonders for me and stopped all the pain they caused me.

I found that my periods were getting heavier and less pleasant- in perimenopause.

I started using the Progesterone creme....topically....about half the recommended dose and that stopped.

 

[lenora]

Hmm....do you have fibroids. Something to ask the Dr. if you already haven't. I'm sure you'll welcome menopause, and it shouldn't be too long in coming. Mind you, some women have to side-effects and go on to have perfectly normal lives, while others (like me) feel it well into our 70's. How much is caught up in my multitude of illnesses, I have no idea. It doesn't matter anyway, what is, is. We learn to

Bath has to be my 2nd favourite city in England. My top favourite is Wells (lovely little place)
But Bath is a whole different place at night. It has its issues, as do most highly populated places.

I used to visit Chester when I was a child, 1950s-60s. There was a zoo there, and it was a good day-trip place. Now I am horrified by zoos....as they were then anyway. I didn't know better back in those days though. But the city is very nice.

Hi, yes Bath is/was a nice little city. It used to be quaint and beautiful, but now it's so crowded with tourists that you can't walk down the main streets at all...and that with a no. of businesses closing and the rest becoming t-shirt shops. It reminds me of Niagara-on-the-Lake, a small canadian town (city? But i don't think so). It was a jewel for so long (known for its summer plays by George Bernard Shaw), was the first capital of Canada and is now basically like Bath....a t-shirt town, with lots of nice hotels and resteraunts. Mind you, the whole of the Cotswold area is like that now. Just wall to wall buses, and they smell of diesel fuel. Day trips from London, although everyone takes them it seems. I hate to sit in the traffic but I love the sights. I do feel sorry for the people living in these villages, though, imagine having strangers peer in your windows all the time? We always find somewhere open for afternoon tea, and enjoy it to the max while there.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

@Jemima37

Great advice. what was the AA book?

HI Julie .....There's a series of books that serve as adjuncts to The Blue Book, or The Big Book as it's often called, and are more accessible and readable, and easier to apply, especially if you're not a member of AA. They're published by Hazelden, and the one I'm familiar with is Each Day A New Beginning ...

It was given to me by an old, dear friend when I was going thru a raft of horrors and a pretty black time, and it helped me, on a daily basis, to focus less on the problem and more on the solution, sometimes just on the fact that there was a solution whether I could see it at the time or not. Very comforting. And very compatible with any spiritual focus you want to bring to it, whether crystals or meditation or Reiki ....

Can't recommend it highly enough. Probably available thru Amazon (isn't everything?) .... if not, google Hazelden Publishing ....

Jesse's mom just posted a terrific, simple, very user friendly meditation in the Something To Ponder thread .... gimme a minute and I'll find it and post a link ..... back in a flash ....
https://forums.phoenixrising.me/threads/something-to-ponder.75478/page-14#post-2258214

I'll also tag you into that thread so that you can access it more easily .....

Feel better !!!!

 

[Jemima37]

@Jemima37

HI Julie .....There's a series of books that serve as adjuncts to The Blue Book, or The Big Book as it's often called, and are more accessible and readable, and easier to apply, especially if you're not a member of AA. They're published by Hazelden, and the one I'm familiar with is Each Day A New Beginning ...
I'll also tag you into that thread so that you can access it more easily .....

Feel better !!!!

Thank you so much Yippee, I shall take a look for that book and the meditation. They sound helpful. 😊

 

[Jemima37]

Bath has to be my 2nd favourite city in England. My top favourite is Wells (lovely little place)
But Bath is a whole different place at night. It has its issues, as do most highly populated places.

I used to visit Chester when I was a child, 1950s-60s. There was a zoo there, and it was a good day-trip place. Now I am horrified by zoos....as they were then anyway. I didn't know better back in those days though. But the city is very nice.

Yes, Chester zoo is still here. We used to go often when the children were little and my daughter went last year on her summer school trip. It’s such a nice place. I love where we live.

 

[Jemima37]

I know Chester very well. I've often thought the best time to see England, the way it was, is after dark. Of course you never know which areas are safe now, but it, like here, wasn't always that way.

Yes, I do believe firmly in the mind/body connection and stress most definitely plays a part in most illnesses/diseases. Mind you, I wouldn't tell people that, but I've noticed the connection in my own life. My brothers and sisters are all just about gone now, I've dealt with it/still dealing with it, but my Therapist doesn't even want to see me for 6 wks., so I'm making good progress there. On the whole, a lot of what we face has to be done alone and at our own pace. The important thing is to keep walking through it & doing the necessary hard work. Of course it doesn't make us feel good at the time, but understanding is so helpful. Personally, I've found that no one is to blame for the situation my family was thrust into...not my father (who died at 40), my mother or my brothers and sisters. I have nothing to do with my nieces and nephews (except for one niece) b/c i knew I couldn't handle more than I had already taken on. And now that I'm old I find it so much easier to put the pieces of the puzzle together....it's great. The good and the bad of an older body. Take good care, Yours, Lenora

Thank you Lenora for your kind reply: it sounds like we have both had a lot to deal with and yes I believe stress causes so many physical and mental issues. Since the stress I went through in the last decade with extended family and losing my grandmother I’ve never been the same person and I broke physically and mentally with anxiety and PTSD. Life is hard at times and I think I just had to withdraw hence why I can’t face doctors, tests, any appointments, socialising etc. I’ve hibernated these 2 years as my mind and body have forced me to after being strong for so long. I just hope I can undo this hibernation as now my social anxiety and agoraphobia is even worse than it was before. At least she fore these 2 years I could get out and force myself to do my necessary appointments etc

 

[lenora]

Yes, at night Bath has major problems with ruffians. Not just ordinary types, but those who break into the hospitals searching for drugs; we have a friend who worked in one of the hosp. and said the weekends were a nightmare. He finally packed his bags over a job he loved, but not the types he had to deal with. What a shame that so many have been let b/c that way. I hope it never happens here; but never say never, and that's so true. Here I go again, sounding exactly like my parents or, more to the point, my grandparents! But the fact is that it's true, and like it or not, life has changed too much.

I did finish my book last evening and, as per usual, began another: This time 'The Works of Joan Didion' I'd read some, but never followed each book every step of the way. I'm sorry I lost contact with her and it wasn't until she was interviewed on a recent TV show that I felt compelled to re-read her books. Even my husband's interested & I love the quality of the book...very thin paper, with the old-fashioned ribbon separator. I'd forgotten what quality looks and feels like.

OK...thanks again for the article(s) Pear. I made copies to give to my Dr.'s. Yours, Lenora.

Thank you Lenora for your kind reply: it sounds like we have both had a lot to deal with and yes I believe stress causes so many physical and mental issues. Since the stress I went through in the last decade with extended family and losing my grandmother I’ve never been the same person and I broke physically and mentally with anxiety and PTSD. Life is hard at times and I think I just had to withdraw hence why I can’t face doctors, tests, any appointments, socialising etc. I’ve hibernated these 2 years as my mind and body have forced me to after being strong for so long. I just hope I can undo this hibernation as now my social anxiety and agoraphobia is even worse than it was before. At least she fore these 2 years I could get out and force myself to do my necessary appointments etc

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

I think I just had to withdraw hence why I can’t face doctors, tests, any appointments, socialising etc. I’ve hibernated these 2 years as my mind and body have forced me to after being strong for so long.

Like you, I went thru a horrific 13 year period where everythig I believed in, trusted, loved, or relied on was ripped out from under me, and then used to beat me over the head .....

My response, along with the PTSD and this dismal little storm-cloud of an illness, was much like yours, and was made all the more easy as old friends, who couldn't understand my change from gregarious and outgoing to withdrawing and contemplative, drifted farther and farther away.

I just hope I can undo this hibernation as now my social anxiety and agoraphobia is even worse than it was before.

Like you, I hope that with time and healing much of this will pass, but in the meantime, I focus on the gifts this has brought that I would never have had, had I continued to engage so wholeheartedly in life and activity.

Ever cloud .... silver lining ...... blah blah yadda yadda blah ....

But it's true. Honest.

 

[lenora]

Hello Jemima....Yes, I believe that a good many of us cycle in and out of these periods of despair in our lives. It sounds as if you're coming out of one and just be sure to note the changes you've seen in yourself and others. Each time it becomes a bit easier; and we're in a position to understand that while we can't control others we can begin to understand them. No one can carry our loads for us, but there are plenty of helpers along the route. We learn and then learn some more. You'll be fine and will slowly start to re-enter your world again; albeit with changes suiting your newly found you, your new age and your family. I think you've learned enough about your biological family to approach them with wariness. Good for you. Ok....much to do; or not do, dependent upon how I feel. Yours, Lenora

 

[Jemima37]

Like you, I went thru a horrific 13 year period where everythig I believed in, trusted, loved, or relied on was ripped out from under me, and then used to beat me over the head .....

My response, along with the PTSD and this dismal little storm-cloud of an illness, was much like yours, and was made all the more easy as old friends, who couldn't understand my change from gregarious and outgoing to withdrawing and contemplative, drifted farther and farther away.

Like you, I hope that with time and healing much of this will pass, but in the meantime, I focus on the gifts this has brought that I would never have had, had I continued to engage so wholeheartedly in life and activity.

Ever cloud .... silver lining ...... blah blah yadda yadda blah ....

But it's true. Honest.

Thank you.

That’s very true, if my brother hadn’t assaulted me and my family hurt me afterwards then I’d never have broken free from the 30 years plus of abuse I dealt with. That gave me the final bit of courage to walk away. If I hadn’t had CfS, anxiety, PTSD etc then I’d never have realised who were true, who were there for me and I would never have realised just how precious my life and family are to me. I now live for the simple things and I’m not materialistic at all. I used to love spending money on clothes, going shopping etc but now I’m a good saver and a prowler home girl. Ok I’ve been forced to not go out but now I enjoy my own company where as before I could never be alone, I’d be too anxious to be home alone. Now I’m the most relaxed I’ve been despite having an anxiety disorder and I bet that sounds strange but I’m content, no longer live in fear or stress of my extended family and feel at peace. Despite this internal struggle with the appointments I can’t do, which do wreck my head at times with worry but all I can hope is in time I will trust a doctor to come to my hoise or get to an appointment myself. Right now I’d have a panic attack due to social anxiety but I’m learning to be ok with that, slowly but surely.
Thank you
J

 

[lenora]

Your're making great progress Julie, it just sounds like 'Tincture of Time' is what it's going to take. Keep that thought under your pillow and remember that it's there. Treat yourself kindly...and life will get easier once again. Promises, promises...I know, gut I don't just make them, you heard what Yippie had to say. So trust me, you're not alone in facing life's adversities. There are plenty of us who do. Yours, Penny