Does anyone know how to choose a psychotherapist?

[Cheryl M]

Hello. I need talking therapy. It cnanot be counselling because I have quite serious emory loss, and I’ve tried counselling, and itdoesnt work because I need the therapist to direc the sessions. I can’t diretc them myself because I can’t remember things from one week to another, and it’ll only get worse. So, I’m assuming psychothrapy.

The theraoy wll have tto be telemedicine because leaving the house isn’t practical. This meams I have an enormous choice of therapists, like, there are undreds available. How am I supposed to cheose one? Do I go by their photo or something?

It has occurred to me that perhaps I need to find a therapist who undersand that ME is neurological (and sometimes fatal) because tha’s the issue that’s most likely to be te deal breaker. But is it easy to find one like that? I am In the UK, by the way.

(Sorry if this is in wrong place)

 

[Alvin2]

I do not understand your distinction between talking therapy and counselling.

That said many therapists will offer a quick chat for a few minutes to see if your compatible if you ask.

This is a good time to ask them about ME, what they know and you would want in a therapist. Also ask them about how they practice therapy, what approaches they use and even some more basic questions about what they find works and what doesn't.

In the end you want to find a therapist who is experienced and who you click with.

Chemistry/compatibility is the most important facet of a good therapist and this is not about technique, its about how well you connect emotionally with the therapist. Think of this as speed dating.
In a nutshell a therapist is a wise best friend who is trained to help you deal with trauma and to heal.

Oh and any who talk about CBT is a waste of time, not just in ME but in general becasue CBT (outside of ME) is designed for robots, not humans.

 

[YippeeKi YOW !!]

Oh and any who talk about CBT is a waste of time, not just in ME but in general becasue CBT (outside of ME) is designed for robots, not humans.

I agree with everything that @Alvin2 put forward here, particularly the finding someone you just 'click' with part. It's more important than degrees from prestigious U's.

I also totally agree with the " .... avoid anything CBT ..." thingy, cause it's by and large horse-puckey . I suppose that it depends on the practitioner, but generally if CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) helps you, you probably didnt need a therapist in the first place, just a decent workbook and some discipline. I dont think it's ideal for this illness tho, under almost any circumstances ....

One of the other areas you might want to probe is how much they rely on psychotropic meds to 'improve' their patients QOL, and how insistent they are that, if they prescribe 'em, y'all gotta take them or it's the end of your relationship with that therapist ...

 

[Jyoti]

@Cheryl M --check out these listings: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling You can put in filters (like gender or possibly conditions, telemedicine availability, etc.) and then read about the various therapists in depth. They list specialties usually, so you can look for someone who treats the kind of stuff you are dealing with (in addition to ME/CFS). You even get to look at their photos to see who draws you that way!

As @Alvin2 mentioned, it should be possible to schedule a 15 minute chat to see how it feels interacting with the 'perfect' person on paper....as @YippeeKi YOW !! says

It's more important than degrees from prestigious U's.

I would never engage a therapist without having that introductory discussion--and anyone who is unwilling to offer that is off my list instantly. @Alvin2 gives you a pretty good outline of how to approach such a conversation, but the most important thing is how it feels to talk with them. Do you feel heard and seen? What do they have to say about ME as a neurological condition? If you don't get a clearly affirmative response to that, pass. My advice anyway--you don't want to try to build an intimate relationship with someone who is still consulting out-dated NICE guidelines as they try to understand you!

 

[linusbert]

if he says garbage like
"i believe you, that you believe this..."
immediately go, don't look back.

i can tell a good doc and psych doc within 10 seconds of meeting him. its already the attitude and voice which gives clues. if you have a not certain feeling, immediately go. a relationship with docs always gets worse, never better. if it starts uncertain, just go. never worth the time.
i wish i had followed my gut earlier, could have spared me lots of pain and worsening. but there is always the hope that THIS TIME its just a misunderstanding, just give the guy a chance... and they never turn around. never!

also careful with things like "me/cfs approved" doc. in my country germany, CFS is treated as psychiatric condition, not something physical. i've seen books about CFS in the shelfs of some psychiatrics... oh boy. such ignorant people.
ask after what guidelines the treat, if they use the canadian guidelines or any of those from cfs society approved guidelines. if they do not even know those, its a bad sign.
i really believe that psychiatry profession in germany isnt much better than back in the days they did lobotomys and forced treatment in weird assylums.
the university psychiatry clinic i've been to, even still does electro shock therapy. its unbelievable. negative accounts are just ignored. they count side effects after this as side effects of the psychatric condition but not the treatment. insane.

 

[Cheryl M]

Thank you, everyone. That's all very helpful.

I do not understand your distinction between talking therapy and counselling.

Psychotehray and counselling are subsets of talking thearpy. The one I need is pychoterapy because counselling wo’t work.

I agree about CBT!

if he says garbage like
"i believe you, that you believe this..."
immediately go, don't look back.

Yeah, I once asked my GP to wite me some benefits evdence, and he wrote, “I believe her when she says she experences [whatever]”. Took me a while to realise he wasn’t doing me any favours!

Yes, Linusbert, I think you’re right that the first impression is probaby crucial. A lot fo the bloody awful doctors I’ve had have been bloody aful in the first five minutes.

 

[Alvin2]

Psychotehray and counselling are subsets of talking thearpy. The one I need is pychoterapy because counselling wo’t work.

Can you elaborate on the difference?

Presumably those you interview when selecting a therapist will know the difference better than i do which you of course can ask them about.

 

[Cheryl M]

Can you elaborate on the difference?

Presumably those you interview when selecting a therapist will know the difference better than i do which you of course can ask them about.

Oh dear, here we go. I'm proaably not the best person to ask lol. What it comes down to is that a counsellor is not allowed to give you advice. Theyre just suposed to help you clarify your thoughts, etc. They would spend a lot of the time listening while you talk.

What happened before (a couple of years ago) was I would be talking about something that had happened and the counsellor would start to look uncomfortable. So I would say "Sorry, have I tld you this before?" and she said, "Yes, several times"! I couldn't usually remember what we'd discussed in the previos sessions, and she wasn't allowed to direct the discussion because cousellors aren't. So, counselling used to work for me before my memory loss got bad, but doesn't any more.

 

[Alvin2]

Oh dear, here we go. I'm proaably not the best person to ask lol. What it comes down to is that a counsellor is not allowed to give you advice. Theyre just suposed to help you clarify your thoughts, etc. They would spend a lot of the time listening while you talk.

What happened before (a couple of years ago) was I would be talking about something that had happened and the counsellor would start to look uncomfortable. So I would say "Sorry, have I tld you this before?" and she said, "Yes, several times"! I couldn't usually remember what we'd discussed in the previos sessions, and she wasn't allowed to direct the discussion because cousellors aren't. So, counselling used to work for me before my memory loss got bad, but doesn't any more.

I've never heard of that in modern practice.
It reminds of Freudian analysis, where the counsellor is just supposed to listen to you and say or do nothing but that should have gone extinct over 50 years ago.

 

[Cheryl M]

Ah. I think you are saying this was an idisoysnacy on the part of the counsellor rather than being normal practice?

 

[Alvin2]

Ah. I think you are saying this was an idisoysnacy on the part of the counsellor rather than being normal practice?

Probably, but if so that counsellor needs serious retraining.

 

[Cheryl M]

O bloody hell. I thought I was starting to understand thiss talking therapy thing andnow you're teliing me maybe I just needed a differnt counsellor?? Oh dear.(Thank you, though.)

I haven;t even been able to find out what sort of talking therapy is recommended for progressive memory los.. I suppose Id better start by talking to a therapist and seeing if they have anything useful to say...

 

[linusbert]

O bloody hell. I thought I was starting to understand thiss talking therapy thing andnow you're teliing me maybe I just needed a differnt counsellor?? Oh dear.(Thank you, though.)

I haven;t even been able to find out what sort of talking therapy is recommended for progressive memory los.. I suppose Id better start by talking to a therapist and seeing if they have anything useful to say...

what about not (only) talking but writing? kinda like a diary?
there is good free software like https://Obsidian.md you can use on all kind of devices. its very strong in organizing knowledge. a lot of people use it for something called a "Second Brain". its when you organize and save all information you aquire into a kinda software system.
checkout this video describing it

this might help you with reflective retrospective but also on memory and remembering things.

 

[ruben]

Probably, but if so that counsellor needs serious retraining.

Yes, the counsellor needs counselling!!!!!

 

[Cheryl M]

Haha. She was veyr young, to be fair. Perhaps she'd never dealt with somene who had mmemory loss before?