Does anyone else struggle with rumination and obsessive thoughts?

[Abrin]

Because I don't have much else to do these days, I've been trying to sort out where this illness ends and my personality quirks start.

I can see how having brain fog and not having restorative sleep could lead someone to become easily frustrated and ruminate more but then again I can see that also just being a distinctive personality trait.

Since I've had ME/CFS from the time of my earliest memories I don't have any 'before times' to be able to compare it to.

For those of you who ended up with ME/CFS later in life, do you find that it has made you ruminate and obsess more or have you found that there has been no change?

 

[geraldt52]

I first got sick at 32, and am now 68...I had absolutely none of the "quirks" you allude to prior to getting sick, and none for quite some time after that. I don't think the "cognitive issues" (I like that better than quirks) are unique to CFS, but are probably common to all long term chronic illness. Time takes its toll, and one's ability to hold these things in abeyance clearly suffers. "Indecision" is the worst, for me...

 

[Wishful]

No rumination or obsessive thoughts from my ME. I have lost the drive to do tasks. I haven't done anything hobby-related for years now; just can't work up the mental energy for it. I can do tasks that really have to be done.

 

[Treeman]

I have them. I think the "rumination and obsessive thoughts" start when I run out of energy and are worse when I get upset, because that uses more energy quickly.

Prusty for me explains my illness. I have mitochondria dysfunction, so can't make energy and suffer a whole host of bio chemical deficiencies once I run out of the available energy (including brain imbalances).

I've been ill a while and the negative traits are part of my personality now, whether its caused by the illness or not. It's tough but I guess this is what my life is supposed to be like, I'm not wasting to much time being down about it.

I'm still highly motivated mentally to do so much, but can't because I'm pacing all the time, I put them on hold until I get better...............

 

[Rufous McKinney]

Yes, I do lots of ruminating it appears. And I tend to- think alot about a single topic. Thats called effective problem solving. Its also called- are you OCD?

So like you, I've been dealing with this most of my 67 years and dont know where the illnesss ends and other issues start.

I spent probably two hours: thinking about some screws. A mechanical issue. Ordered these unfortunately cheap book shelves, lost the screws needed to support the back. Lost somewhere in the house. And the instructions said: hammer.

But these are screws? Why would you hammer screws? This fundamental illogical situation occupied my brain for hours and still is.

And then my son in law is here: and he is Mr. Mechanical and I"m the one reading the instruction manual.

So I spent two whole hours: on screws, on the theory of particle board, on why its so hard and when you can or can't use it.

I found the whole topic of these weird screws fascinating, tried to interview two neighbors who might know more about particle board- etc.

That didn't make me tired especially.

***

So G ABA plays some role in some of this. A tiny bit of Xanax generally- stops my going on and on thinking the same thought- something I can do. I am definately low GABA and love GABA. I'm off my Xanax now..I ing was taking a very small amount to help me sleep, and stopped last month. (Im ok, but I"m not sleeping as latae as a I was)>

But I found it intriguing how such a small amount (part of part of a pill)..could stop this type of trolling over the same issue, thinking the same thought. We were headed up to a tour of Hearst's castle- before I got much worse...and we are on this tram and I am starting to: go off (for me that stuff is a type of agorophobic, coming out of Sickness Behavior, i believe). Well, I took a tiny bit of Xanax, and a few minutes later, I'm appreciating a herd of exotic sheep outside the window and imagining I will enjoy Hearst's Castle. (now, I see i was mild then). (now I'm Moderate).

 

[Wishful]

I found the whole topic of these weird screws fascinating,

I can totally relate. I like reading about fasteners, adhesives, and materials. Some solutions for dealing with certain materials are pretty nifty.

The actual problem may just have been poor--out-of-date, misleading and confusing--instructions. Some of the instructions from when Asian countries were just starting to market their products here were highly amusing. I'm not sure how much that situation has improved.

Motorcycle instruction: "Do not bang exhaust box at dog."

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I can totally relate. I like reading about fasteners, adhesives, and materials. Some solutions for dealing with certain materials are pretty nifty.

I have mechanical tendencies. Vocational tests said I should be a mechanic. Graduate school said I could be a surgeon- the premed students I worked with certainly should have been banned altogether from further pursuing that career.

I recall many decades ago I was given a Wok, and an authentic Chinese recipe book hardly translated into English. it was tremendously amusing to read. and the recipe for Peasant Chicken- well don't bother with plucking, cleaning, etc. Or the wok. Bury whole chicken in pit with coals. Return, eat.

 

[Abrin]

are you OCD?

I've never had a therapist identify me with OCD so far. So, if I was it wouldn't be by any classic definition.

 

[Treeman]

I had another rumination couple of days, but that only describes some of the feelings I have during that period. I also feel, irritability, aggressiveness, anger, argumentative and have a bleak outlook. So I have had a period of reflection and also considered the fact that I have always told the quacks that I suffer mood swings. This trail of thought led me to bipolar, however I do know a couple of people with this illness and I’m not fortunately like that illness. However it did lead me to, Cyclothymia which is kind of a milder form. (https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/cyclothymia https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cyclothymia/) . I certainly have most of the symptoms and it’s something I will monitor. I do have the highs, more recently, but never thought of them for obvious reasons, negative and due to a lack of energy they don't go too far at this time. I’m going to keep a mood diary to see how it fairs. Thanks.

 

[Judee]

I do obsess about things sometimes especially when I'm extra fatigued and of course, it's worse if I'm upset about something.
I've had this disease for a long time. I think it started around age 10 so it is difficult to remember some of my thought processes before then but I do think all people in general naturally get obsessive when they are exhausted. So it may seem more so for us since we are exhausted all the time.

 

[Rufous McKinney]

I do obsess about things sometimes especially when I'm extra fatigued and of course, it's worse if I'm upset about something.

I noticed the other night that I am talking out loud again. A form of ruminating. When my husband is out, or I"m by myself, I notice I'll drop into some narrative...(often about feeling unwell) and just run thru it as if I'm actually talking to somebody about it, but nobody is there.

I realized I'd stopped doing this- during the recent months of guests. Its something I"d prefer to not be doing.

 

[Wishful]

I notice I'll drop into some narrative...(often about feeling unwell) and just run thru it as if I'm actually talking to somebody about it, but nobody is there.

I think that's actually a good thing. It can relieve some stress or annoyance, and it can also trigger thoughts that might lead to better treatments, or something new to avoid. If you're worried about how it looks to others, get a pet, a plant, or carry a phone (doesn't need to be on). Being seen explaining a body pain or bowel discomfort to a pet or plant is probably considered normal. Hmmm, I think even talking to a poster of someone respectable/fashionable is acceptable. It's talking to invisible people that's the problem.

 

[livinglighter]

I used to ruminate before having CFS/ME but it didn't lead to depression. The pattern stopped, then before getting CFS/ME, I experienced a traumatic life event (could have been mildly depressed) which caused me to ruminate before and then during CFS/ME when I contracted it. The pattern stopped as I became much more concerned with my failing physical health then anything else. I recently saw a psychologist who recognised it as just past/resolving rumination and said I do not have primary anxiety or any other psychological issues - much to my doctors amazement!

 

[Emmarose47]

I've always been quite obsessive but yes now I have more time with me it shows up..
For example I've literally obsessed and distressed about not having a tidy room and feeling really quite despairing about it .
I hit a rock bottom with the feelings and decided I would have to let the obsession go and stop focusing on the room..
Once I made the decision I saw that it was all around my not feeling in control .
A lot of my obsessions are around this theme ..fear ...and then I remember to come back to myself focus just on me and I feel better ...

When I Forget all the external stuff so much and focus on me I feel lighter

 

[Abrin]

I just wanted to mention that I recently started taking CBD oil and I have been surprised how much it has been personally helping me with this issue.

 

[bensmith]

Certainly. Id say less but more problematic since my envelope is so small.

Its how i got so severe, fighting with family/obsessing over covid safety. Really tragic when i say it outloud

 

[leokitten]

Since I've had ME/CFS from the time of my earliest memories I don't have any 'before times' to be able to compare it to.

You’ve had ME since you were 3 or 4 years old?

 

[leokitten]

Definitely when in strong PEM, or just before a crash, or when I’ve been forced to push through for too long, or when in a worse ME state is when I get temporary personality changes, much more irritable, just different than normal. It goes away after rest. This is a neurological disorder it does cause neuropsychiatric side effects like most other neurological disorders, so not surprising if it can cause any number of different psychiatric symptoms that didn’t exist pre-illness.

 

[Abrin]

You’ve had ME since you were 3 or 4 years old?

I got a virus when I was 7 or 8 years old. I must admit that I don't remember much from when I was 3 or 4 years old.

 

[leokitten]

I got a virus when I was 7 or 8 years old. I must admit that I don't remember much from when I was 3 or 4 years old.

I’m really sorry to hear that. Sorry I specifically mentioned 3 or 4 yo because that is usually the earliest long-term memories people have as adults.