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CLOSED THREAD Firing a home help.. IDEAS please

Emmarose47

Senior Member
Messages
2,127
Location
UK
Hi I have 3 home helps now.
1 has been with me since pandemic. Shes not the best in terms of detail but she's good enough,kind, lives local and I like her.
The one who come and does food prep and cooking is excellent quick learner, v efficient and easy to get on with.
And then there's the 3rd one a local women also. She comes and takes the grocery delivery in packs it away and cleans the kitchen. There is nothing wrong with her work it's her personality I'm having trouble with. Right from the off (about 8 wks ago she come across as highly nervous, so subserviant and waaayayyy too polite, everything is a sorry sorry and thank u. Anytime I communicate something she needs to know about the work she becomes more anxious and apologetic.
I know it mustn't be easy for her coming to a place where the person is chronically unwell and doesn't interact much but I've always been open and honest about what I need etc.

The long and short of it is I dread her coming and hide in my lounge trying not to need the bathroom.

I want to get rid of her but how I do that I'm really not sure?

I don't want to lie but I don't want to be too unkind.
'there is nothing wrong with your work it's just I can't stand u... Isn't going to work!
I thought about' our personalities arnt a good match ' but that's pretty much a back hand way to say your defective.

I'll be advertising on the next door website again and she uses it so to say something like' I realise I can manage taking the shopping in now won't work either?

Anyone with experinece in this area I welcome ideas

My nervous system is shot away enough without someone else's heightened nervous system in the flat. Oh she also has a really loud high pitched laugh so when the delivery guy comes gee it's too much
 

sunshine44

Que sera sera
Messages
1,190
Well ultimately, it’s your space and the energy you bathe in and your decision, which it sounds like you’ve already made. If someone you hired isn’t resonating with you, it sounds like you gave it a go, it’s affecting you and possibly time to part ways. That’s wonderful you have the option of 3 to make a choice like this. Do you advertise to get your helpers?

I would just say something along the lines of, thank you for time and work. I no longer need your services as I don’t need (or can’t afford) all of my helpers these days. You really don’t need to explain yourself.

I will say this, in regards to myself being similar to the constantly apologetic 3rd one… it’s usually a nasty remanant of abuse in one’s life. We rarely want to be that way. It’s a byproduct. That being said, it’s just an observation to note.

Best wishes of ease and grace for you and her during this process 🙏
 

Emmarose47

Senior Member
Messages
2,127
Location
UK
Well ultimately, it’s your space and the energy you bathe in and your decision, which it sounds like you’ve already made. If someone you hired isn’t resonating with you, it sounds like you gave it a go, it’s affecting you and possibly time to part ways. That’s wonderful you have the option of 3 to make a choice like this. Do you advertise to get your helpers?

I would just say something along the lines of, thank you for time and work. I no longer need your services as I don’t need (or can’t afford) all of my helpers these days. You really don’t need to explain yourself.

I will say this, in regards to myself being similar to the constantly apologetic 3rd one… it’s usually a nasty remanant of abuse in one’s life. We rarely want to be that way. It’s a byproduct. That being said, it’s just an observation to note.

Best wishes of ease and grace for you and her during this process 🙏
Thanks sunshine..
So I have all 3 helpers I employ for different things.
I use a site called next door. Com it started in the states. it's free and u make a little profile and then are connected to people. In. Your neighbourhood and wider a field if wanted. It's great for so many things. It's incredible how kind people can be as well as being ass holes 🤣
Ye I don't want to lie about the reason but I did come to me to just say I don't need your services anymore but please know it's not to do with the quality of your work...
Yep I'm growing out of not being sorry for breathing and being so overly polite... I say thank u for everything.. The world generally isn't like that. My rough neck neighbours are toughening me up 🤣
My neighbour who is sweet to u face and a nasty cow behind your back said today I have some clothes here if you'd like any I replied 'I may look but not now' no pleasantries... Woo it felt good empowering..

Yep she strikes me as a trauma survivor, maybe on the spectrum too and maybe not accustomed to working much for others
 

Emmarose47

Senior Member
Messages
2,127
Location
UK
I advertise for a local women or lgbtqi person and offer slightly lower than the rate some advertise at for home help services. I have said in the ads exp not necessary. I don't need any self care etc it's just house stuff amazing what a functioning person can get done in 1.5 or 2 hrs
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,467
The long and short of it is I dread her coming and hide in my lounge trying not to need the bathroom.
I've got nurses coming in 24/7 taking care of my husband.

And about half of them are nearly impossible for me to tolerate.

And a particular one, is anxious and nervous and won't look at me, like ever. This bothers me a whole heck of a lot.

the first two we liked, left for personal reasons and a young gal got fired after her first day, she just blew it so badly.

Anyway, I just had to get over my aversions to differing personality types. I just don't have much choice and we don't have infinite replacements.

I just had to adjust my own attitude, and mostly that one isn't bother me so much any longer. Thats the part where we have the most control- our own relationship to the thing.
 

Hope_eternal

Senior Member
Messages
310
Gosh I feel for you. I know it’s hard to have outsiders in your space and especially when you’re not feeling well. I do agree with the others that posted that she seems to have trauma behavior but I could see how this affects you and that’s what’s important here. I think just be honest and do what they call sandwich approach. Compliment her where you can, then let her know you don’t think it’s a good fit for you and then thank her for help and care. I suppose that’s how I would approach it. I hope it goes well and try not to agonize too much about it. I can see you are a kind person at heart and things like this are difficult when you are such a caring soul. Please let us know how it goes. ❤️
 

Rufous McKinney

Senior Member
Messages
13,467
So much for the good vibe I got, meeting a new nurse, coming in for last night's shift.

He got fired before the shift even started. (not by me; by the coordinator who finds them)

And today, the one I'd like to fire, well he seems to be redeeming himself today, so perhaps we can cross our fingers?
I have made decison with this one to let her go it feels good

I'm glad you were able to make a decision; are you willing to provide a favorable reference ?


(I know people exist who are not bothered by this type of thing, but I've never really fired anybody, and I'd be hating every minute of it)

(My Father had to fire people; he'd come home, and he would be upset and it was usually my Mom, would tell me.)
 

maddietod

Senior Member
Messages
2,889
One piece of this is that her personality is exhausting for you. Or if that's not exactly true, you could tweak the discussion so it's true enough. It's just a mis-match. Neither of you is doing anything wrong, and also you're going to look for an energy that's easier for you to have in your home.

I would say as little as possible, while still communicating that her work is fine, and you're happy to recommend her (if this is true), but you're going to look for someone who matches better.
 
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