Great idea Victoria...I just don't know if I can get one dirty enough for you
Great pitch, Victoria! I wish I had such a joke for you....The last time I laughed until I cried and felt like rolling on the floor was actually reading YUPPIE FLUE by Rik Carlson, the head of the VT CFIDS Assoc. It is a wonderfully truthful book--the first one I read where I found someone who had gone through experiences like mine with ME/CFS. I think it was when he described his course with Chinese herbs....
It was a dark and stormy night, a Christmas eve in fact. On this night with no people about a UFO was about to land right where two country road intersected. The UFO came down amid pulsing bright lights, it sat down in the middle of the intersection, and out stepped two Martians.
The Martians, a Captain because of his large floppy ears and his trimmer eared Lieutenant, looked around in the driving snow and saw the flicker of a light off to their right. Drawn by the light the Martians marched in that direction, fearless and ready to take on what ever they found.
As they drew closer to the light the beheld a building with strange sentinels in rows before it. They were in fact standing in front of a row of gas pumps. But the Martians were on their first quest to establish communications and were not familiar with gas stations or indeed with gas pumps.
The captain assumed that these strange creatures must be guarding the way into some one very important in the structure behind them and so he made a gesture of respect among his people and in Martianess said, "Take me to your leader".
The Lieutenant Martian however was a bit concerned and very unobtrusively he whispered something into his captain's big floppy ears. The captain must have disagreed because he just shook his head.
The captain turned back to the gas pump and was puzzled that the gas pump had not replied to his polite requests. So he took a step closer and repeated in a tone that would brook no argument about who was really in charge and said again, "Take Me To Your Leader!".
Of course the gas pump did not reply.
At this point the little Lieutenant. was starting to look a bit agitated and was waving his hands around in order to distract his captain. The captain however was ignoring him and had taken another step towards the gas pump, pulling out his phaser he got right up in the gas pumps face and said, "TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER OR I WILL ZAP YOU!"
Well the gas pump, being a gas pump did not deign to reply.
At this point the Lieutenant Martian was jumping up and down and the Captain Martian had turned a rather ugly shade of puce. With a growl and roar the Captain of the Martians shot the gas pump.
Two little Martians floating out in space the captain a bit singed around his floppy ears, the Lt. had crossed his arms and with a furious frown on his face his looked over at his captain and said, " I TOLD YOU ANYBODY WHO CAN WRAP HIS PETER AROUND HIMSELF TWICE AND STICK IT IN HIS EAR AIN'T NOBODY TO F*&^ WITH!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."