Wife still doesn’t believe me

[hmnr asg]

my girlfriend really understands the concetp of CFS, we watched "Unrest" and she even cried. And she is a very nice and supportive person.
However, when it comes to everyday life, its very hard for her to be as sensitive to my invisible disability as i want her to be. I mean, how can i expect her to be mindful of my extremely limited energy budget when one month i seem much better and i can wash dishes, and then the next month i crash and i can barely move. Automatically she assumes im using CFS as an excuse to be a crappy partner. And i dont blame her, its too easy to interpret it that way.

H

 

[Mel9]

@hmnr asg. She sounds lovely. From my own experience, this will work as long as you keep being loving and affectionate and communicating openly about your capabilities day by day. ‘Sorry, having a crash today’ and showing your gratitude makes a big difference.

 

[HowToEscape?]

No doubt, but I’m open to being wrong. That’s why I posted comment...maybe someone can straighten me out.

No, it's your wife that needs to be straightened out.

 

[hmnr asg]

@hmnr asg. She sounds lovely. From my own experience, this will work as long as you keep being loving and affectionate and communicating openly about your capabilities day by day. ‘Sorry, having a crash today’ and showing your gratitude makes a big difference.

Sadly the factor that is undoing our relationship is our insane chemistry! i am 38 now and im pretty ill but I have never felt as physically attracted to anyone in my life as I do towards my current girlfriend. Which is very tragic because whenever we have sex, it completely wipes me out for at least a month. And as much as we try to have less frequent/lengthy/rigorous sex, we always fail. Unfortunately this disease has taken away my ability to have sex, but not my libido. I am going to start antidepressants hoping it will reduce my libido (i am not joking, I have been on ADs before and it did a good job of almost erasing any hint of libido). I think maybe then we can have a proper relationship.
The cruelty of this whole thing is just on another level. You finally find someone that you have mind blowing chemistry with, but then that attraction becomes the very thing that starts to ruin your relationship. And of course my gf feels a lot of guilt, shame and rejection about it every time i end up crashing after a sexual experience.

H

 

[PracticingAcceptance]

"you can't judge people for mistreating you about something that they know nothing about."

This is a quote from Hurricane Bianca (a film).
In my opinion, it's a compassionate view on ignorant people.
It doesn't mean that
a) you have to put up with the mistreatment
b) you don't have to 'train' them to treat you better
c) you have to stick around in the relationship if it gets too much. (doesn't sound like this is an issue for you though)

Education will hopefully help your partner. Another thing that could help is assertively asking for her to change her behaviour - the specific behaviours that hurt you. Then, whether or not she understands your illness, you will have told her what behaviours hurt you, and what she could do instead, and it might work. Communication is so important.