Dear forum members, I am new here and this is my first (veeeery long) post. I actually don't really know were to put my story and questions, so I just put it here. For some of you it might be a little too much spiritual etc. but this is how I experience it. I don't have a diagnosis of ME, but I have been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder because of a psychosis I had last year. But Now I Experience some real strange and annoying symptoms and maybe some people here will recognize them. My psychosis started when I was meditating a lot last year and I felt very happy and discovered a new consious part of myself. I got very euphoric, felt a lot of love and this got out of hand. During the psychosis I had a mystical Experience/out of body experience and something similar to awakening/feeling of higher consciousness/connectedness to Everthing and everyone (similar to LSD/DMT, which Ive never tried but I read about it). I could feel energy rushing through my body and I could feel other's energy/aura's too. I had a lot of emotions and they were intense. I stayed hypersensitive (quit medication, antipsychotics quite Quickly after a month because I hated it and it made me numb) and could Enjoy music/art much more. It's called manic psychosis in medical therms, though it felt as a true connection with my inner soul which broke through. Now, after about a year being connected/hypersensitive, I got very tired at the point when I felt sad quite often because of how I see our society is so unpersonal, and I couldn't handle all the energies I felt anymore. I could also feel my spine being totally cold, and there were some spots that felt burnt/slightly irritated. After some time, I surrendered to the tiredness/negative feeling. I tried very hard to stay in positive mood but couldnt handle anymore. I went to bed and the next day I woke up, and everything had changed. It feels like Im totally dissociated from my body. I suddenly experience no feelings/emotions. My body center feels totally numb. I could feel extreme tension in the center of my body, from my bottom to my throat. Its like a muscle in the inside of my body, in the centre, which is totally contracted and my diaphragm feels like it's never relaxing anymore and there is a huge contraction. I could also feel more tension in my legs and my muscles were a bit sore. This all happened in 1 night... Ever since I experience a lot of strange things: - Cannot cry or laugh. If I do it doesnt feel real or doesnt give relief - dry eyes - no positive emotions (anhedonia?) - the Same feeling every moment - very cold feet - no connection anymore with myself and others - no feeling of tiredness, but I do fall asleep, next day I feel the same - stiffness in the right side of my body - obstipation - barely a feeling of hunger/thirst - trouble with thinking, I lost my ability to see things through - I lose Oversight very Quickly, - Quickly disorientated - no feeling of self, I cannot really have an opinion about something or make desicions cause Everything feels the Same - no feelings of anxiousness, Just nothing. - loss of empathy, nothing bothers me while I used to be a very caring person - feel very introvert while I used to be extravert - apathy - it seems like I lost my musical feeling and hearing skills too, which is sad cause I am a good singer and it's my passion, but because of the inner tension and loss of feelings singing became very difficult - sporting doesnt give me energy, I don't feel when my body is tired, I sometimes only feel a little little bit tiredness in my head - A cold feeling in my chest - a feeling of being locked up in myself I try to connect with myself but it seems that my brain "switched" to this strange state where I am not able to go out of my head anymore. I went from being very sensitive and connected to my body, to being in a zombie/robot like state. Im trying antidepressants now for about two weeks, Im not sure if theyll work. Do some of you recognize something in my story? If so, how are your experiences? Are there any tips or should I go on like a marching robot? Could it be ME? Hope you guys can help me. Love from Holland!