hurtingallthetimet
Senior Member
- Messages
- 612
i have to vent im so exhuasted and so much pain...i konw alot are going thgrough the same...ive and responded to threads...my eyes are so blurry i cant see to type...i went with hubby today to do a few a things but im worn out..i hated not to go because hes done so much for me all the time i feel like such a burden...
im just so tired of being sick...in constant pain and constanlty exhhausted....ive taken my pain medications and anxiety medications thats helped some..but im freaking out because i have to take kids to a few appointments because they are out of school so its best time but im dreaded having to be out in the crowds having to drive in the traffic cant take anything to help with anxiety when driving...i just hope and pray the appointments go by quick...im so ashamed that i am in so much fear of leaving the house..then i dread if i see someone that i havent in awhile...i dont feel like getting dressed up like i use to...the ton of weight bothers me so much...
i broke down last night after taking a bath...i took as hot as i could to help with the pain..its getting harder to get in out of tub but cant stand a shower...after i got out i went to closet and closed the door and cried and cried on the floor...i prayed and prayed for things to get better..i hurt to the bone and the fatigue is so bad...the sore throat..swollen lymphnodes...etc. .etc...im so tired of being sick...
if it wasnt for my kids i really dont think i would want to live another day..that may sound crazy but i cant help how i feel...i feel useless...im tired of it all repeating my self over and over with the memory loss...not being able to work...not being able to do anything...i have no life really...i might smile and try to look normal when i have to go out...but inside i am constantly praying no one sees me and how fat and ugly ive gotten...that i dont dress well....that my stomach is so swellon i look preganant.....but its worse when i have to go out by myself im having a panic atttack thinking of the appointments..
im just so sad and depressed and aggravated becasue i cant see much of what im tyuping and i hurt so bad...everylthing seems so dark and so fearful right now...i hate it..i hate that i cant stop crying...i pray for good dreams..thats crazy..that i pray for good dreams so i can at least have some peace and happiness for a little bit while im dreaming something good...
i feel like ive died already...
im just so tired of being sick...in constant pain and constanlty exhhausted....ive taken my pain medications and anxiety medications thats helped some..but im freaking out because i have to take kids to a few appointments because they are out of school so its best time but im dreaded having to be out in the crowds having to drive in the traffic cant take anything to help with anxiety when driving...i just hope and pray the appointments go by quick...im so ashamed that i am in so much fear of leaving the house..then i dread if i see someone that i havent in awhile...i dont feel like getting dressed up like i use to...the ton of weight bothers me so much...
i broke down last night after taking a bath...i took as hot as i could to help with the pain..its getting harder to get in out of tub but cant stand a shower...after i got out i went to closet and closed the door and cried and cried on the floor...i prayed and prayed for things to get better..i hurt to the bone and the fatigue is so bad...the sore throat..swollen lymphnodes...etc. .etc...im so tired of being sick...
if it wasnt for my kids i really dont think i would want to live another day..that may sound crazy but i cant help how i feel...i feel useless...im tired of it all repeating my self over and over with the memory loss...not being able to work...not being able to do anything...i have no life really...i might smile and try to look normal when i have to go out...but inside i am constantly praying no one sees me and how fat and ugly ive gotten...that i dont dress well....that my stomach is so swellon i look preganant.....but its worse when i have to go out by myself im having a panic atttack thinking of the appointments..
im just so sad and depressed and aggravated becasue i cant see much of what im tyuping and i hurt so bad...everylthing seems so dark and so fearful right now...i hate it..i hate that i cant stop crying...i pray for good dreams..thats crazy..that i pray for good dreams so i can at least have some peace and happiness for a little bit while im dreaming something good...
i feel like ive died already...