shocked by what hubby and counselor said at my vist and sad : ( any advice?

[Gavman]

You have every right to disagree with your counsellor and husband about those things. Its funny but generally with counsellors if you say: I am not willing to discuss that option, i want to focus on this, alot are quite helpful but when i've felt weak and drained i haven't had the energy to. That said, i like psychologists(not cbt), nlpers, etc better for the fact that they focus more on root cause and less talk therapy. Also meditators and breathworkers go well. - As there are alot of physical symptoms for this, sometimes working through physical therapies can help.

I disagree snow, only in the fact that more qualifications doesn't mean a better therapist, psychology seems to go better as a word of mouth business.

 

[Googsta]

thank you all for your replys and advice, i have cried off and on since this happened and crying like a baby now...my typing is usually really bad and probably will be more so since im crying, i have no one to talk to but you guys and it means alot...

i feel like i have been betrayed by my best friend {my hubby}myabe im bing too sensitive but im devastaed...i did except his apppoloy but it still hurts deep in my heart....ive seen the conselour for many years since being ill 2005 or maybe a little later she is suppose to specialize in these illness...she has seen me and my family for alot of other stuff.. and has helped alot..but im shocked at how she treated me..
to say that if i can force myself out of bed i can get out of house get a job...that i dont have to lay down on the time its depression...that if i just do the things i use to ill be fine...it was like a slap in the face...she made me feel lazy and ashamed...i tughout she was encourageing me to do things i use to love like a few garage sales but even though i told her it wiped me out...she was like well people get tired everyday and still work...she even said once alot of womenw ould trade lives with me in a heartbeat to sit around at home and not work..that i was lucky i didnt have to work....i told her no they would beciuae of the pain and fatigure...she knows id worked my whole life and loved and missed it...

i know the difference i use to love to work to be active and healhty.....i felt like i was having to defend myself to her....she said its all a state of mind...i can do whatever i want to..its hubby agreeing and adding his cruel comments that hurt to the bone...i cant stop crying...i layed in closet crying past two days all day long...he sees waht i go thorough...the consleoiur is suppose to be educated on these illness...but they treat them like thtier not real...i wish there were a test for us to show how these illness feel...

the only thing ive hung onto is my kids if it werent for them i woldnt be here...the conselfour even brought up didnt i want to be a good role model for my kids...
its my hubbys treatment as i said that has me most torn to pieces...i never realized i was such a huge sick useless burden to him...he appoligized but the words sitll hurt...i didnt talk to him today for first time ever i think...o feel like someone i love has died and i have no one left in this world woho cares..its always been lonely at times becuase all of superfical friends dumped me but i thought me and hubby had good relationshiop, i had his back and him mine and to hear the horrilbe hurtful things he said i just feel so useless and unwanted...

Hurting, it is clear that you cannot move forward until you address the hurt your husband caused.
It is often necessary to be forgiving of others especially when they are under pressure, in pain etc. But when you are unable to let it go it is time to sit down & address the person who hurt you.
Neither my husband or I could imagine being this upset with each other without sorting it out asap.
Even if he does not fully grasp what he did to hurt you, it is important to let him know how deeply you were hurt & that you do not appreciate the comments made, especially in front of a third party.
Good Luck, X0

 

[K2 for Hope]

Prior to becoming ill, I went to many different counselors and like Dr's some are good in one area, but not so educated in another.

Also, I am not married, but my 33 yr old son moved in several years ago to help me. He said something to me recently which really hit home.

He said, "Mom, I know you are sick, but sometimes I need a break from hearing about all your issues cause I can't fix it and it is stressing me out. I am doing the best I can and have my own issues and it's getting to be overwhelming. Men like to fix things, not talk about them. So, when you want to talk about something I cannot fix, it's frusterating. I wish you would just tell me you are happy beng alive and having this house and appreciate the things I CAN fix/do. It would make me feel better about helping."

I wish you to be well(er), happy and peaceful.

 

[Mary Jane]

Hurtingallthetime,

Hi. I agree with everyone when they say it's time to seek a new counselor. I think someone mentioned finding someone who is experienced with your condition. A true counselor listens more than they talk and is respectful of one's feelings. I used to be a mental health counselor. I'm sure you'll find a counselor with a compassionate heart.

And as for your hubby; maybe he's just stressed about the illness itself and doesn't know how to vent without being a little hurtful. Do you have relatives or friends who can help out with the kids or take you to appointments, etc.? A support base helps out a lot with the stress. Trust me.

 

[5150]

Your situation sounds very intense and hurtful(harmful)to you. i hear you and am truly sorry for your pain, as all of us are into this hurting life on some level.

one thing you said struck me deeply. you must take morphine in order to be able to walk about the neighborhood with your daughter? that is extreme devotion on your part to go unrecognized by the counselor. if that is the level of understanding being shown to you,I certainly would ditch that person who is doing you no good at all.

yes, find another more advanced in their field, if you can. I wish you the best .

 

[hurtingallthetimet]

thanks again everyone the advice replies and support mean more than youll know...ive not cried today which is good, first time since this all happned...i guess im starting ot get over the hurt from the way hubby acted..but ive not talked to him about how i feel and stuff today very very exhuasted been in bed all day...and not feeling well...miss talking to him since he was only real live person i could talk to..so i do miss that

as for the conselour ive seen her so long and its all overwhileming to find someone i can drive to etc...alot of things involved in finding a new one as many know when its hard to...its something im looking into though...im lucky i at least have a great general doctor that understands and knowledgeable in these illness i know alot of people dont even have that and it seems hard to come by so im blessed for that reason...

i just feel like im repeating myself not understanding why theese illness are treated like they are...why when we push and do somethng we arent congradulated and encouraged....maybe im just uneducated about these illness...maybe theres some history conected to them that i dont understand...that makes doctors unknowledgeable or unwilling to acknowledge how ill we are...i so wish that these illness would be treated as seriously as they are maybe more poeple would be helped then...i feel sad for everyone who has to deal with being so ill and then have to be belittle and looked down on for being ill....

 

[PhoenixDown]

Next time take a video camera with you, press record, and ask her to scientifically justify her insult (acknowledge the fact that she has good intentions but is misguided). Ask her how she KNOWS you are merely wanting to "play the victim" rather than having a serious illness.

If she refuses, ask her why she's breaking trust by refusing to justify her reasoning on record.