Negative message replay

[merylg]

When I'm in a flare of CFS/ME, FM, MCS I notice that my brain keeps replaying negative messages, things that thoughtless people have said or mumbled under their breath that have really been hurtful.

Normally when feeling a bit better, or enjoying some positive experiences, these "statements" would not be replaying.
I am not hearing voices LOL...just replays of actual insults.

For example: "You're rather plain aren't you?" (workplace abuse)

"Your getting old, why don't you retire?" (workplace abuse)

"Why don't you where (wear) a dress?" (abuse by extended family)

"Has anyone ever told you that you have somatized your illnesses?" (abuse by Psychiatrist) my answer "No"....her reply...

"I put it to you that you have somatized your illness" (more abuse by Psychiatrist)

I wear comfortable clothes, and basically what I like to wear, and what is easy to wear when one is sick! I don't dress to impress or please anyone else. I don't own any fancy clothes. I don't have a lot of money & I'm happy with the clothes I own!

So I think this "replay" phenomenon is a symptom of being sick. I also have never been able to challenge this type of abuse, because it always catches you off guard, and I have been too ill to get into an argument.

 

[L'engle]

I have this too, Meryl, especially in a bad patch. It's remarkable to me I can even remember them, but insults that catch you off guard really do stick in the memory for some reason. And our brain link them all together so once you think of one they all come out. But from having ME, I think we come up against a hugely unfair number of insults when we are trying to cope with it. I think it' hard for anybody to slough off being treated that way, especially being so ill. I think if there were a greater acceptance it would be easier to place them in the past. But knowing that people would still say and think these things given current attitudes makes it hard for us to put them aside. Thanks for you post. It helps to know others have this as well. (Though obviously I wish that you and I both didn't have to deal with this!
)

 

[Lynne B]

Hi, Meryl,

I've started linking negative thoughts to my physical state and try to alter my mental paradigm by doing something to change the physical state underlying the blues. For instance, I may discover I'm actually uncomfortable or I'm having-low level pain so I'll get a hotpack or painkillers. If it's 3 am or similar when I'm in that slough of despond I'll get out of bed and drink some rice milk (no dairy) or have rice puffs with bananas and rice milk, maybe read a book for a while. Or I'll check I'm not too hot or cold and do something about that. You probably do those sorts of things already...

cheers, Lynne

 

[hurtingallthetimet]

i think im more sensitive to everythign since becoming ill...and very very sensitive to what others say are how they act towards me...my feelings are very easily hurt and i really beat myself up...its so hard ive ran into people ive not seen for awhile and i use to be extrememly thin and active..ive gained a ton of weight and its amazing how cruel people can be...ive gotten that shocked oh my God look..ive had a family member who hadnt seen me for awhile say "boy you sure did get really fat didnt you?" ive cried and cried..and i thnik about what has been said and done to me in the past..all the hurt and mean things from being ill...

these illness get very little sympathy and some people i really believe are just born evil and cruel..and they do and say very evil and cruel things...but as i said i am more sensitive to getting my feelings hurt since becomeing ill...cry everyday...

 

[L'engle]

 

[ahimsa]

I just saw this illustration today while browsing. It might be inspiring for folks in this thread dealing with negative energy from other people:

http://intentblog.com/illustration-how-avoid-negative-energy-other-people/

It's a whimsical and humorous approach. I loved the unicorn as the imaginary body guard, LOL! (although my inner proofreader wanted to correct that typo -- "your welcome" should be "you're welcome")

Oh, and by the way, people who comment on another person's appearance, age and/or clothing choices are just being rude. That is basic manners and should have nothing to do with whether the person is healthy or sick or whatever. Plus, folks who insist on reinforcing stupid and outdated gender roles (why should you wear a dress?!) are extremely annoying to me.

 

[*GG*]

I understand what you are saying. I would suggest that if these things are in your mind so much, then practice your response to them also!

Might as well get something useful out of this anguish!

GG

 

[Calathea]

Ach, I hate that sort of thing. It's anxiety, basically, and anxiety can be set off by physical triggers. I can get demonic premenstrual anxiety, for instance, and this week I've been getting nasty anxiety set off by gabapentin withdrawal. As the triggers can be both physical and psychological, it's worth looking at both when it comes to trying to handle it. See whether you need to sort out your blood sugar by eating a snack, for instance. I use 2mg diazepam/Valium for anxiety attacks of this sort, which is the lowest dose you can get, and occasionally will cut the tablets in half if I'm particularly dizzy that day (although apart from that, I do tolerate diazepam very well). Anti-anxiety meds, the sort you take short-term rather than long term, may be worth a shot. You may feel that it's all about your personality and how you respond to abusive comments, and of course that will be a factor to some extent, but it sounds like a lot of this is physiological, and in my experience, that responds better to physiological treatment. PMS has been defined as "when you cry because you can't get your shoes on", to give you a similar example, and that's just when there's nothing actually wrong, it's much worse when you have something genuinely stressful in your life. It's an out of proportion response when you suddenly find yourself intensely upset about something which you weren't even thinking of an hour earlier, and a rational response can help to a certain extent but won't usually stop the anxiety completely, at least for me, because your brain chemistry is still at that stage where you'll cry if you can't get your shoes on.

I'm sure there are also lots of useful anxiety management techniques you can learn for redirecting your thoughts which may also help, and working on self-esteem and so forth. If it's any consolation, I too am absolutely hopeless at thinking on my feet, and just stare blankly at people when they make unpleasant remarks instead of telling them to get stuffed.

There are usually some telephone crisis phonelines about, and they can be handy to ring if you want to have a good wail because you're feeling crap. Sometimes you can even get a short course of telephone counselling, which may be useful if you want to work on some stuff in particular.

 

[caledonia]

Some things that work for me are Emotional Freedom Technique. You can make these things fade out in a few minutes so that they no longer bother you, and are no longer linked to feeling physically bad. You can learn EFT yourself from this website http://www.eftuniverse.com/ and YouTube videos.

I'm in a big relapse right now with a big loss of energy and anxiety, and have gotten on a spiritual streak. I'm awake a lot at night with scary or negative thoughts. Depending on your background you can try something like asking the Holy Spirit to take these thoughts away from you and hold onto them for you. You can also ask God to help you forgive those people. It seems to take the power out of those statements/situations similar to EFT. At least I get a similar reaction which is a deep sigh and relaxing, and then my mind moves on to other things.

 

[Tristen]

I understand what you are saying. I would suggest that if these things are in your mind so much, then practice your response to them also!

Might as well get something useful out of this anguish!

GG

Excellent advice! My experience with obsessive negative thoughts about someone who has done me wrong, is that they are resentments. That's how I know if I have a resentment towards someone....I keep replaying the offense in my head over and over, which can go on until I let it go. Not everyone's method for letting go of resentment is the same, but I do like GG's advice. At least it going somewhere with the feelings, getting them out and taking some of their power away.

Just something to consider.

 

[merylg]

Hi everyone, thanks for taking time to reply to my thread. You guys are the best!

L'engle...empathy

Lynne B..good tips re tuning into the physical state

hurtingallthetimet...sorry you've been driven to tears by all the hurt...but yeah crying is immensely cleansing & therapeutic

ahimsa...thanks for putting it all into perspective for me

ggingues...yes would be good to have some cleverly practised answers to stupid insults

(workplace abuse needs reporting because you will often find that the abuser will continue to treat/and has treated others in the same way... hard to do though as one may not want to appear weak or overly sensitive)

Calathea...very insightful...LOL I would love to just say "Get stuffed", but of course I'm too polite
thanks for the ideas

Caledonia...EFT yes...I did learn a few of those techniques...thanks for reminding me!...and forgiveness YES! so important & releasing...and nothing like going to the top & engaging the power of the Holy Spirit!!! Once again thanks for reminding me. I think CFS & ME, FM, MCS so messes with our brains that the good stuff we have learned over the years goes out the window!

Thanks guys!

 

[Dreambirdie]

When I hear CRAZY MIND talking at me I do the following process:

1. step back and REALLY listen to what it is saying
2. observe what emotion is driving it
3. investigate how TRUE it is

If I can do this as a detached observer, I usually find the things I am hearing are not only not true, but really quite ridiculous. This will often make me laugh, and then I feel better.

If this doesn't work, I paint. That almost always works to clear my head.