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Input On Living Alone

Discussion in 'General ME/CFS Discussion' started by SmokinJoeFraz93, Dec 10, 2017.

  1. SmokinJoeFraz93

    SmokinJoeFraz93

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    United Kingdom
    Hi guys, I have an interview on Thursday about getting my own flat that is ground floor and very convenient in location.

    However, I’ve never lived alone as in just me, and I’m quite scared of what will happen. The reason why I’m quite scared, is because my ME isn’t the best right now, so that means hardly any TV, reading or doing things to keep me active. So it’ll just be me in bed all day, and sitting in the living room occasionally with nothing to do.

    Where I am now, I have my family here as well as the dog. But the new accommodation is so convenient for me physically, but no company.

    Input please guys?
     
  2. Wishful

    Wishful Senior Member

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    Some people's symptoms are worsened by socializing, so it's possible that not having company might help. Have you spent any days without social contact recently? Perhaps there's a way for you to test living alone for a few days before making such a major decision?

    I've always lived alone (past young adulthood anyway), but my ME/CFS isn't quite as debilitating as yours sounds, so it's a totally different situation. I place having company in the 'stressful effort required' category, so I'm not surprised that it triggers ME/CFS symptoms.
     
  3. SmokinJoeFraz93

    SmokinJoeFraz93

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    Well I’m in my bedroom 80% of the day, and socialising for half hour here and there makes up of the 20%. I don’t mind it at all. It’s just knowing I’ll be alone and no one will be there.

    My fear is becoming so lonely and upset that it causes an emotional breakdown so to speak.
     
  4. Wishful

    Wishful Senior Member

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    Half an hour here and there might be too much. A couple of people on PR can't even talk over the phone without triggering PEM.

    The importance of company is a personal variable, and you're the only one that can judge its importance for you. I go for weeks without social contact. Well, I do sometimes say 'hello' to squirrels, ravens, and other critters that live around me, but I wouldn't really call that social interaction, even when they do give a vocal response.
     
  5. SmokinJoeFraz93

    SmokinJoeFraz93

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    Epic response!! Thanks.
     
    ahmo likes this.
  6. hellytheelephant

    hellytheelephant Senior Member

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    S W England
    @SmokinJoeFraz93 - Do your family live locally? Will they be able to schedule regular visiting time? Just because you live on your own doesn't mean they can't support you in other ways- visiting, daily skype or facetime, ordering your shopping online for you....

    Do you have a plan to have some help with household chores, laundry etc?

    One of the things that is most important is having a schedule of some kind, and giving the days structure otherwise it can be overwhelming. I find the radio is great company too.

    I would imagine regularly seeing the dog would keep your mood uplifted.
     
    SmokinJoeFraz93 and Wayne like this.
  7. Wishful

    Wishful Senior Member

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    People need to find out their own limits. One person might benefit from daily skype or dog visits, others might find that past their limits, worsening their symptoms. Some of us should alter parts of our lives: rearrange furniture, rearrange social networking, try new foods, in the hope of improvement. For others, that might be too much stress. No simple easy answer.
     
  8. E.man

    E.man Senior Member

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    Bega Valley , Australia
    Yes it's going to be a change and possibly a challenge. Being in a flat in a convenient area will be a plus. Easier to maintain or get help than the five acres of ex farmland forty km out of town I've got.
    I've got a radio on each side of my bed preset so I can just hit the On for either one.
     
  9. Artorias

    Artorias

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    I was living alone in a top floor flat when I became ill with ME. I spent 95% of my time alone, and perhaps it's just my personality type but I actually found the solitude a blessing most of the time. Not having to talk, not having the activity and noise of people around me, I liked it.

    One thing that helped a lot was radio. I was never much of a talk radio listener, but when I became ill I found talk shows on LBC, Radio 4 and Five Live etc playing in the background really helped me feel a little bit connected to the outside world, and it had a reassuring/comforting effect too. I still sometimes go to sleep at night with the radio on very low.

    Are you currently able to cook for yourself, take the rubbish out, things like that? Depending on your circumstances you might want to consider the sort of food you're going to buy and how you're going to prepare/cook it. I started to buy foods and meals that require very little preparation. God bless the microwave, that's all I can say!

    There were times when I felt lonely and vulnerable, it's only natural. You might have those moments too. But don't worry about feeling overwhelmed with loneliness - you'll be surprised at the difference a simple phone call or Facebook chat can make. A brief visit from a mate or relative can work wonders too.
     
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2017
    Mij, hellytheelephant and E.man like this.

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