Impact of social support on the relationship between illness invalidation and shame among individual

[MeSci]

But when I first got my job as a high school teacher I spent three or four times as long trying to get it 'right' and watching videos and things.

Sounds like the US is very different from the UK. In the UK comedians joke about teachers' clothing being very 'uncool'. I don't think the female ones generally wear much make-up, if any. (Don't know about the men! ) My father was a teacher, as have been some of my friends. He didn't wear make-up...can't remember his clothes so I guess they must have been quite ordinary.

 

[MeSci]

I often don't shave for long periods, and my beard got quite bushy once, after a prolonged bad spell. I thought the facial overgrowth looked hideous, and most friends and family reacted negatively to it, but my mum actually liked it! (Dad's always had a beard.)

You may find that there is a new trend for beards in the UK...

 

[Bob]

You may find that there is a new trend for beards in the UK...

Yes, some people thought I was following that trend, but that I hadn't pulled off the look!

 

[worldbackwards]

You may find that there is a new trend for beards in the UK...

You're obsessed...

 

[GracieJ]

Two whole web pages, I had to check I was on the right thread! It took a little back reading to see how the dissertation discussion morphed into appearance.

I have never been able to wear much make-up due to sensitivity. Eye make-up was the worst. I have eye creep really, really bad, also known as oily eyes. Anything within an inch of my eye ends up in the eye. Miserable. I have always looked younger than my age, and do things diet-wise to feed the skin. My eyes give me away, though, with a few wrinkles. It is actually nice to be taken seriously as a mature woman.

What I would like to add here is that my sisters thought I had been wearing eye make-up for years. I have since read that the pale cinnamon color around my eyes is due to adrenal issues. Does anyone else here have that?

In office jobs, I wore minimal make-up for the part, so to speak. There is one woman in particular I remember getting upset when I did not. "Where's your lipstick?" she would demand. I would just look at her funny. Men do not get that question, so it of course fell under the discrimination laws they were so proud of upholding.

Over the years, I learned how to augment what others call presence. I am soft-spoken and patient with people, but at first blush others actually find me intimidating. I am told there is a sense of drivenness, a look of purpose in my eyes, and something in how I walk that says I mean business. Maybe that is why doctors took me seriously?

These days, I am content to rely on body language and have a job where I can leave off make-up.

It is amazing what body language and bearing accomplish and both can be cultivated.

 

[Calathea]

I wonder if there are any particular colours that influence how the doctor receives you? I have a wrap dress that looks fairly smart and is comfortable, and own it in green and a berry colour, though I hope the blue will make it into the Bravissimo sale. Also I have a red one in a different design, but I've a feeling that would be seen as Not Serious Enough.

Nice Laura Mulvey reference there, @ahimsa. Do you find that people mishear it as "the male gays"?

 

[ahimsa]

Nice Laura Mulvey reference there, @ahimsa. Do you find that people mishear it as "the male gays"?

Sorry? I don't understand. I must be even more brain fogged than usual.

 

[MeSci]

Over the years, I learned how to augment what others call presence. I am soft-spoken and patient with people, but at first blush others actually find me intimidating. I am told there is a sense of drivenness, a look of purpose in my eyes, and something in how I walk that says I mean business. Maybe that is why doctors took me seriously?

These days, I am content to rely on body language and have a job where I can leave off make-up.

It is amazing what body language and bearing accomplish and both can be cultivated.

I read 'at first blush' as meaning that you blush at first!

One doctor recorded that I was 'intense'. In fact that was because I had polyuria and was bursting to empty my bladder! But I am in fact quite intense, and my eyes apparently flash when I'm angry, and I am very talkative when enthusiastic.

And I suppose I am fortunate in that my features are dark, so that there is a lot of natural contrast, whereas paler people may feel more need to increase the contrast in their features.

Having said that, I remember seeing a photo of the gorgeous actress Brigitte Bardot in her youth without make-up, and she looked just as gorgeous without it - I thought she looked better. (Maybe she wasn't a natural blonde!)

I have never worn foundation - prefer to let the air get to my skin - and I don't wash the natural oils out of my skin only to replace them with synthetic ones full of other synthetic chemicals. Maybe that's why my skin is generally good for a 62-year-old - very few wrinkles, and mostly smooth.

I don't think any of the women in the terrace where I live wear make-up - I've never noticed it anyway. Most of my female friends haven't worn make-up either. One does, and it was obviously unusual enough for her to become known as 'the lady with the lipstick' by another friend's young son!

 

[Calathea]

Sorry? I don't understand. I must be even more brain fogged than usual.

Sorry, I meant do you find the people mishear "the male gaze" (theory by Laura Mulvey) as "the male gays"?

 

[Woolie]

Both health professionals and laypersons tend to view illnesses in a dualistic manner, namely that the source of the disorder is either physiological or psychological (Chalder, 2005).

I personally don't think it useful to consider the causes of illness as both physiological and psychological at the same time. This is a workaround for those who want to ignore biological causes and to focus on the psychological. They can use this to justify their approach no matter how much biological evidence comes to light. And they use the "both biological and psychological" refrain most commonly for diseases like ours, where the biological evidence is still weak.

Plus, when it comes to causes, the simple model is usually the best. AIDS=HIV; mono=EBV. It makes no sense to go on about "psychological and biological causes" in these illnesses. The psychological adds nothing. And changing it changes nothing (you may be happier but you still got AIDS). The motto of science is keep it simple and elegant; only add in new variables to a model if there is a huge need and a real justification.

There has been a lot of work recently on whether psychotherapy can help cancer patients live longer. Its all based on the idea that that you need to be psychologically healthy for your immune system to work optimally. It doesn't work (the psychotherapy, that is). Cancer is caused by cancer. No amount of happy thinking can change anything.

 

[Woolie]

Never heard the expression "burn my biscuits" before! I didn't know you even used the term 'biscuits' in the USA.

It means scones in the USA. You traditionally have them as a savoury side dish, most commonly with roast chicken. Took me ages to become a fluent bilingual!

 

[Woolie]

Hey, everyone here seems to be saying they look younger than their years. Me too! I'm 52 going on 40 (too fat by half, but definitely young looking). You don't think perhaps this is one of the rare positive side effects to having ME?

 

[ahimsa]

Sorry, I meant do you find the people mishear "the male gaze" (theory by Laura Mulvey) as "the male gays"?

Thanks! I did not remember who coined the phrase. I don't generally say it out loud so there's no danger of people mishearing.

Has that happened to you? Or is this just one of those old jokes that I've never heard?

 

[GracieJ]

Hey, everyone here seems to be saying they look younger than their years. Me too! I'm 52 going on 40 (too fat by half, but definitely young looking). You don't think perhaps this is one of the rare positive side effects to having ME?

I have wondered before if it is related to connective tissue anomalies. People with these disorders seem to age differently. Scleroderma comes to mind first, and I know there are others.

 

[JaimeS]

I'm talking about make-up and hairstyles, not clothes.

I know, @MeSci ! I was drawing a comparison between the two. Like, my clothing could be said to 'disguise' me just so much as my eyeshadow can.

I fail to believe that when I wear makeup people are really fooled into thinking my eyelids are gold-colored.

I think I must be put together - I haven't quite fallen apart yet!

LOL! I'm sure your structural integrity is sound.

-J

 

[JaimeS]

Sounds like the US is very different from the UK. In the UK comedians joke about teachers' clothing being very 'uncool'. I don't think the female ones generally wear much make-up, if any. (Don't know about the men! ) My father was a teacher, as have been some of my friends. He didn't wear make-up...can't remember his clothes so I guess they must have been quite ordinary.

Definitely some teachers wore clothing that was quite plain and little to no makeup. Since teachers are 'on stage', the way they physically present themselves is something the kids are quite aware of and talk about - and it is reflected in their conscious and subconscious behavior. My students usually complimented me when I took care with my appearance, and asked if I was sick and even acted up more if my appearance didn't show I cared about the way I was presenting to them. Sometimes, especially when I started to get sick, I was too tired to bother regardless.

It's definitely a chicken-or-egg thing there, though. Our math dept head was a gentleman, but he came in to work every day in a shirt-and-tie and dress slacks if not a full suit. His formality showed that he respected the position and expected the kids to, and they respected him for that. I would say the same is true for female teachers, only, as previously mentioned, looking 'put together' is more of an effort. But do people who put more effort into how they present also just put more effort into their teaching? Like, is 'put together' a personality type?

I also want to say that there is always one teacher who powers through on sheer force of personality. Our health teacher, also a coach, often came in wearing sweats and a tee shirt if she was going to be practicing or walking the track; but she also always had a touch of makeup on and her hair carefully done no matter what. And she was a veteran teacher with a way with the kids and a strong, indomitable personality, so her persona compensated for the casual attire in a non-casual work environment.

-J

 

[SOC]

I fail to believe that when I wear makeup people are really fooled into thinking my eyelids are gold-colored.

They're not?!!!

 

[JaimeS]

I have since read that the pale cinnamon color around my eyes is due to adrenal issues. Does anyone else here have that?

Some days someone will say, "wow, that eyeshadow looks really good on you".

Uh, what eyeshadow?

 

[Sean]

Some days someone will say, "wow, that eyeshadow looks really good on you".

Uh, what eyeshadow?

Yeah, I have that problem too.

 

[TiredSam]

Hey, everyone here seems to be saying they look younger than their years. Me too! I'm 52 going on 40 (too fat by half, but definitely young looking). You don't think perhaps this is one of the rare positive side effects to having ME?

I remember reading somewhere a while ago (probably a popular psychology book) that most people think they look about 5 years younger than everyone else their age, so in that respect we seem to be just the same as healthy people.

Explains my wierd behavior until the age of four.