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    Created in 2008, Phoenix Rising is the largest and oldest forum dedicated to furthering the understanding of and finding treatments for complex chronic illnesses such as chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), fibromyalgia (FM), long COVID, postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS), mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS), and allied diseases.

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I can't picture spending the rest of my life like this

Aerose91

Senior Member
Messages
1,400
A quick back story- I just turned 29 and before getting slammed with ME I have spent 2.5 years with severe adrenal fatigue and then a year of severe benzodiazepine withdrawal (I only took Ativan for 2 weeks to counter thyroid medication and it spun me into hellish withdrawal). I loved my life before that stuff happened- absolutely loved it. After being completely bedbound for 2 years with adrenal fatigue I was finally getting better and got slammed into the ground by Ativan withdrawal and then went through another year of absolute hell. I don't know how I made through that but after a year I was finally getting better and getting back on track with my adrenal fatigue recovery. I thought that I probably had 2-3 more years of sickness to go until I could rebound to any degree of a "normal" life. I didn't know how I was going to last that long but I knew I had to.

Then, this March as I was finally mounting my recovery again I took 1 pill of phosphatidylserine and a couple hours later woke up with M.E. Bad.

I was dumbfounded. How could I get hit with something ELSE new?? Could this really be happening?

Since that point because of severe PEM I have gone downhill immeasurably. I am so dissociated I can't even feel time or existence anymore. I feel nothing. Reality is merely a concept to me now because of how far away it is. The emptiness in my brain is gut wrenching and there are multiple levels of complexity in this world that my brain simply can't perceive. The world appears as if I have been poisoned- like in a mov