Help with Genes, Intolerant of Methyl-B12/SAM-e, Freddd

[JCastro]

I'm suffering badly. I am 20 years old. This is disheartening, but I have been beaten up and traumatized so bad for so long I am used to it.

Would bad reaction to magnesium indicate hypokalemia? I think so. Magnesium induces air hunger. So, I need potassium, huh? When I take potassium, I get twitching and weird pains, slight headache, tingling in feet. Perhaps this is a healing reaction and my body is using the much needed K? Or perhaps the twitching and tingling I am going hyperkalemic due to adrenal insufficiency? Who knows.

Extreme anhedonia. Boredom, always. Dysphoria. Always sighing and rolling my eyes as an instinct. People around me telling me it's my fault and "you just don't want to get better". I cannot get out of bed without amphetamine, and even that barely works. On caffeine and Adderall, I am still sleepy and anhedonic. I was given a faulty body and life.

Still chelating with Cutler. Round 54. Extreme reaction to the chelators. Profound sensory pain and depression. Out of chelators. No money, so have to wait however long to save up, buy them, wait a month for them to arrive.

I never, ever have an appetite. My body is asking me not to feed it. Food is foreign. No one helped me. $5000 in savings gone. Most spent om holistic doctors, the rest spent on addictions to relieve my pain. I had faith in Functional Medicine but that was a complete waste.

I dislike negativity. I'm quite pleasant if you know me. This is me venting. I will not kill myself anytime soon. I only will if I spend more time like this with no indication of improvement or hope. There is nothing in it for me unless I get better. This is not an acceptable life.

I'll keep chelating and experimenting with my 5 drawers full of supplements. My life is on hold. I can barely move myself to take a shower.

Air hunger. Burping. Raw, burning stomach. Burning eyes. Taking all the indicated stuff for these; nothing works.

B12 makes me ANGRY. Well, Freddd really has no explanation for that except "healing". That doesn't convince me. Nothing else gets better, I just feel insanely unbearably agitated. No, doesn't feel like healing to me.

 

[JCastro]

Few more things. Lately I sleep 12-17 hours a day. A nap for me is 8-10 hours. I wake up exhausted. My circadian rhythm does not work. My current schedule is wake up 9pm-12am, sleep around noon. If I force myself to stay up into the next day to normalize my sleep, I just sleep into the next day, so it seems impossible to correct.

Being 20, I have several girls attempting to connect with me. Texting me, doing their best. On my best days I reply to tell them how bad I feel and explain why I don't reply. Mostly I ignore it all. ~30 unread text messages from my loved ones. I suspect they will eventually give up on contacting me.

This is becoming my negativity blog. Maybe I need to start a journal. But I like that people get to see this.

Most people like me because I am kind, caring, friendly. This pain is taking me over. I feel betrayed by the world. It radiates cruelty to me and so I return with scorn. I'm aware my attitude is a bit disgusting. I think it's completely warranted.

 

[Eastman]

@JCastro

Hang in there. There may be hope.

There are some interesting threads recently indicating that the liver and gut are important players (see here, here and here). How are yours doing?

 

[JCastro]

Hi Eastman. Both are in bad shape, in fact. I think due to mercury, but (Cutler) chelation alone is not sufficient treatment as I'm sure you know. I felt so much better last year while on the Freddd Protocol. Like night and day. Despite having detoxed less mercury.

I would LOVE to slam a bunch of Methylcobalamin into my system but it really does just make me unbearably agitated to the point of suicidal thoughts and running for a benzo. My working theory, as I learn more about liver phases 1 and 2, is that MB12 helps so much because it helps phase 2 along, helping MCS. In addition to it running the CNS+brain.

It is most definite that Freddd is Hg toxic, and I'm pretty sure he never chelated. This, I presume is why he needs such ridiculous dosages of methyls and co-factors, and why he regresses so rapidly if he goes off them, and why he is so sensitive to brand quality etc. ("5 star, 4 star, 3 star")

No offense meant to Freddd, he is on the team of good guys trying to help neglected sick people and I am grateful for him and his hard work. But I do think he displays some Hg "mad hatter" traits. Very repetitive, peculiar and rigid advice, that I notice.

E.g. failing to properly address serious DANGEROUS problems like agitation induced by Methyl-B12, which he says is "healing". Which is disheartening and scary, because I would need to be put into a coma for a few months while I got B12 IV and "healed" without having to feel rabid. As, even a crumb of MB12 in my mouth can induce psychic torture in less than an hour. I want that B12, I love the stuff! I just can't deal with this horribly mysterious peculiar reaction.

Freddd, perhaps in the end you were right, but I am so dissatisfied with that explanation. Am I supposed to take your question mark icon on faith and continue dosing MB12 as I sit in psychic hell indefinitely, hoping you're right and it'll stop someday? And no, LCF does not agitate me at ALL. Nor does M-Folate. At all. I tolerate them just fine.

This really must be solved, as my body needs B12 badly.

LIVER - Methyl B12 Intolerance
Right before my MB12 intolerance started, I began taking Pregnenolone with little knowledge about it. Very toxic mercury victims have impaired sulfation in liver phase 2. This means they are not able to process DHEA, pregnenolone well and will react to it. I imagine it builds up to toxic, unbalanced levels and disrupts hormones. My hair has been receding since using pregnenolone recently at the advice of Dr. Ray Peat who megadosed 4g/day for a year and was fine. One crumb of DHEA gives me a pseudo-panic attack.

THANK YOU FREDDD FOR THE FOLLOWING - How I felt on MB12
Methyl-B12 had been helping me for a while, it cured or reduced several weird persistent symptoms. Some of my progress IS permanent, and I credit that to chelation, but I spent my B12 era in relative bodily comfort, enjoying caffeine and marijuana, tolerating them, going to the gym most days and working my butt off, getting endorphins, and driving home energized from it. I had ejaculatory anhedonia for years, as in you ejaculate with no orgasm. MB12 did make it better, it was the only thing that did. It was amazing. I spent ~3 years not able to have an orgasm, almost forgetting the feeling.

(Orgasms have gotten even better, now probably 10/10 quality, permanently, to which I credit Cutler chelation)

"GUESS I CAN'T TAKE B12" REGRESSION - How I feel without MB12
I'm now a universal MCS reactor. I am diagnosed borderline PD, and bipolar, which of course are just toxic indicators, not real diseases. Antidepressants/mood stabilizers did NOTHING. I have been called "strange and peculiar" as a patient and treatment resistant.

Mysterious chemical triggers set me off into irritability and dysphoria. Thus explaining my previous morbid rants^. Anhedonia. It feels like a mild version of the B12 insanity. That's why I think MB12 is fixing SOME liver paths, leaving others blocked, thus I go nuts from it. There is a big dyshomeostatic imbalance. Why is B12 doing this? How can I fix it? There must be a way.

I rely on Adderall to half-function, sometimes I take it and still sit immobile. I started the MAOI Parnate 5 days ago, and playing around with liver herbs really hurt me today, I think I got blood poisoning or hypertensive crisis. It is tricky. I think I have very slow phase 1, and sulfation dysfunction in phase 2. I doubt I can fix this without B12.

Very odd brain sensations, brain melting, brain paresthesia, feeling that my brain circulation is being swelled/choked, it feels like how I imagine an aneurysm feels. At times I have felt a sharp painful POP/SNAP feeling in my head, and I wonder if those are just inflammation in nerves, or if I actually am having thrombosis and aneurysm. These painful POP feelings happen when liver is extremely burdened by chemicals, like when I smoked weed or this morning when I combined phase 1 inhibitors with Parnate and Adderall.

I am tired, always, all the time. I am exercise intolerant, and I feel faint after each rep at gym, I get no endorphins or reward from exercise. I feel completely numb to it. I have become very "borderline PD" recently, I'm very compulsive and addictive, since I cannot tolerate the extreme boredom and discomfort of my sober state.

I'm thinking of just trying my different brands of B12. Maybe it's just Jarrow that makes me pissed? But I don't remember, and I don't know. Very foggy.

I have Enzymatic Therapy "5Star", Jarrows, and Country Life. Oh, yes Country Life made me agitated, IIRC. Really at a standstill here.

Need to tolerate my B12!

 

[JCastro]

Ok, I've jumped into AdCbl, 10mg Source Naturals. Doing okay so far, sitting in my lip.

My vasoconstriction/dilation and brain hypoxia symptoms are very tricky, elusive. I do not know if I need lots of potassium, lots of salt, or both. I could be low adrenal, and a bunch of potassium could give me hyponatremia, but then I am hesitant to eat a bunch of salt because my head already feels like it's hypertensive. Or it could be swelled because of hyponatremic intracranial pressure. I have no idea!

When I swallow 300mg potassium, my veins all dilate and bulge out of my hands and arms, I get random pangs of pain around my body and head. And twitching INCREASES. (Both my eyelids/eyeballs have been twitching).

^Could be healing from new cells being made, or it could be hyperkalemia/hyponatremia. Don't know! And, Magnesium also gives me weird brain pressure pain. Might have to take a leap of faith, and load up on salt and K. Maybe I just need thousands mgs of K, and I've been in hypokalemia since last year.

My resting HR was 120-130 for a few months this winter, then I got it down to 80 using Mg and K. But I don't know which was the CURE. Maybe they both equally were, maybe the K is more important. It has since gone back up to around 115, today after staying up 2 days with no sleep, on Parnate and Amph., not eating. That kind of behavior probably exhausts minerals.

I'm tracking all this, partly by rambling here and with a Google Doc "Supplement Log". Glad I am getting some AdCbl.