If our "advocates" aren't willing to "protect" themselves by ceasing contact with the other party, there's absolutely nothing anyone can do to help them.This issue of protecting our advocates deserves revisiting.
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If our "advocates" aren't willing to "protect" themselves by ceasing contact with the other party, there's absolutely nothing anyone can do to help them.This issue of protecting our advocates deserves revisiting.
Another effort to make all of us feel bad, thanks.I feel strong disagreement with many of the commentors here. This is not about dredging up old stuff and being petty and distracting. This issue of protecting our advocates deserves revisiting.The point is that long term hardworking advocates have not been supported by the community a concept also known as loyalty. I also dislike seeing JB's mild comment to Dr F Collins treated as if it's equally as bad as what Coyne did. Do we throw every advocate under the bus who makes small mistakes and ignore the rest of their hard won victories. Way too many straw man arguments here.
Btw, I am someone who read Coyne's blogs regularly but strongly condemn his bullying tactics ( and yes he does have a long history of this-not just 14 yrs ago).
And what are we supposed to do about Coyne's behavior? Why are we even being blamed for that? If you want to join a flame war, go right ahead. Just leave the rest of us out of it.Can't have real discussions if you avoid addressing the point of this thread-showing advocates who have been seriously harmed by Coyne some loyalty and support. Please don't minimize the harm he did and continues to do. The victims are repeatedly blamed for standing up to him. The ostrich approach does not work w bullies.
I see twitter as a bit like a playground full of dangerous toys and toddlers hyped up on sugar with no adult supervision... I really don't see the point of joining in, no real communication seems to take place other than reinforcing of already held views and bullying. I dipped my toe in and rapidly pulled it out. I suggest others do the same unless they enjoy the 'buzz' and want to risk the harm. It certainly doesn't seem to me to be a safe place for ill people to go.
This is not a criticism of advocates who choose to use twitter or a justification in any way of the bullying some have suffered. More my own self protection - I know I wouldn't cope, and I don't see what good I could achieve by putting myself in that playground. Good luck to those who do!
Trying to find excuses for him is like finding excuses for a husband who abuses his wife (which incidentally Coyne was legally accused of) - saying the wife must have done something wrong, she must have enabled his rage.
So - the community wants to ignore this and continue to engage him and show him respect - that in my opinion is enabling the continuation of the bullying.
The only way to stop his bullying is for the community as a whole to disengage from him.
Nobody can make me do anything, I wonder how it is that Coyne has all this power over people.
I would think that members of a forum for patients suffering from a disabling disease would be more compassionate and understanding of other patients' experiences. We are not talking about healthy people here.
Most advocates who are also advocates expend efforts many times beyond what they are capable and pay the price for it, yet they push forward because they believe they are doing important work
Because it's impossible to do both? One cannot be an effective advocate and show compassion for other advocates who have been brutally harmed? They are stating that they have been harmed. They are stating that their health has been adversely affected by this. It is inconsequential whether you personally would have felt the same way. Where is the compassion?
There are so many threads on this forum where patients talk about how they feel. They talk about situations where they have been harmed and I am proud that PR members are so supportive and really help these patients. They listen to their problems and either try to give advice or just tell them they understand.
I am trying to understand why this coldness?
And if, 6 months after the initial spat, Jeanette publishes a blog criticising Coyne what does she expect him to do? If you walk back into the lion's den and start pulling his whiskers the very least you must expect is a few scratches and a light mauling.If our "advocates" aren't willing to "protect" themselves by ceasing contact with the other party, there's absolutely nothing anyone can do to help them.
There is no justice to be had in this situation. People are flawed and this is not a just universe. There is no god, there is no karma. Shit happens."If that's justice then I'm a banana".
blame, blame, blame, blame.. Im so sick of hearing those with ME/CFS blaming others with ME/CFS for things. Its something we as a community shouldnt be doing, we should be all working together more and stop picking on one another.
is blaming others really going to gain more support
There is no justice to be had in this situation. People are flawed and this is not a just universe. There is no god, there is no karma. Shit happens.
Random good stuff happens too though, which is nice
I understand your anger Neilk. But I don't know how you would like to see the community react.
In your analogy with the abused sister I personally would comfort the sister and ghost the abuser. But if the sister kept going back for more in the hope she could change him I'd say to her 'What do you expect?' and get her a good therapist and give her books about abusive relationships.
But if the sister insisted on hitting her head against that same brick wall that would be her choice. I wouldn't like her choice but I would have to respect it.
It wouldn't be my responsibility to knock the brick wall down. It is her responsibility to walk away from it.
To take the matter into my own hands would be to rob her of agency.
What a ridiculous argument. But to use it further, in effect all you are doing is contacting members of the family, who can't do anything about the situation, and telling them how they are bad family members because they aren't doing anything. No matter that they agree that the abuse isn't right or fair, and that they are thankful for the sisters hard work on their behalf. Nope, that doesn't matter, as we are family members we should feel bad about the situation and are encouraged to reflect on our inability to do anything, as that shows how bad we are.I have to admit that I was wrong.
I was wrong with my assessment of what this community is and maybe we are not a community at al. Maybe we are just individuals who just happen to share one common disease - yet with no real connection.
A community, like a family have members who agree or disagree about things. They might not see things the same way and they might not share the same values. But, a family member is attacked by an outsider, the rest of the family has their back.
If your sister tells you that she has been abused and harmed to the point where she is sick and can't function by a controlling man, do you tell her - I don't want to hear drama? Would you tell her - stuff happens, just deal with it? I don't want to talk about it?
Would you invite this man into your house and treat him with respect?
I was wrong with my assessment of what this community is and maybe we are not a community at all. Maybe we are just individuals who just happen to share one common disease - yet with no real connection.
You have totally twisted everything I said to fit your narrative that all I'm accomplishing here is blaming others.What a ridiculous argument. But to use it further, in effect all you are doing is contacting members of the family, who can't do anything about the situation, and telling them how they are bad family members because they aren't doing anything. No matter that they agree that the abuse isn't right or fair, and that they are thankful for the sisters hard work on their behalf. Nope, that doesn't matter, as we are family members we should feel bad about the situation and are encouraged to reflect on our inability to do anything, as that shows how bad we are.
And is helping to inflame the situation by the sounds of it.What I would like to point out is the following:
- Jeannette is not speaking out now for herself. She is speaking out for the benefit of others.
And they should either report the situation to any authority that might be able to take action. If there isn't then they will have to deal with it as any of us have to deal with an online bully or troll by ignoring, blocking and/or avoiding contact.- Although this aggression took place a few months ago, to a lesser extent, it is continuing (not with Jeannette - but with others)
And? Again, we can do nothing about that.- The bully has recently made public comments that he plans on continuing this behavior.
As has been stated by others already, Coynes stock has plummeted due to his actions. If/when he starts acting like a reasonable person and starts advocating on ME again then I will report that on the forums here, assuming it hasn't been already, but that still does not mean that I condone his abusive behaviour.- The bully is continuing to be invited and welcomed in the family home.