12 Things you should never say to the sick is an article with a familiar list of things that people with a chronic illness often hear. The article itself covers familiar territory but a couple of comments stood out and are the reason for my post. I think they offer useful and constructive points.
From poetess1966: But if you're going to say something about someone's illness, the best is to just ask how they are. Ask them about how any medicines are working. But mostly, just listen. Let the person just talk. So many of us spend so much time talking about the illness and doctors and treatments that sometimes we're sick of it. Ask how the kids are, ask what new book or movie we're interested in. Be the one person who lets us escape the illness for a bit. If the person wants to talk about the illness, just listen. Be the sounding board so many people with chronic illness do NOT have. You don't have to fix us or comfort us, just understand us.
From JennyN: I have MS and yes, I recognise a lot of these comments. I agree that people can say odd things that may not appear immediately helpful - but worry that the more articles people see about what NOT to say, the more awkward they'll feel saying anything at all.
I don't get annoyed when people do say the odd crass thing any more, as I look for the underlying intention behind them - and I haven't come across a single deliberately hurtful or negative one yet. Among other reasons, I think these sorts of comments can be down to awkwardness, shock, thoughtlessness, trying to practically help, trying to make me feel better, or good about myself - or a combination of some of these.
It's more important for me to look at how I react to how people speak to me - and if someone does suggest some lifestyle intervention/treatment that I've already decided against, and which has been suggested to me many times before, then I'll just explain that and thank them for the thought - what is the big problem with this? I do find pity the hardest to deal with, but again I'd rather look at why this is. What does this say about me and how I deal with my illness? [...]
My tips for how to talk to me are simply 1. Relax 2. Ask me how I am 3. When I tell you, don't feel you have to make things right - even just saying 'bummer' if I'm not good is something (and if I say 'ok' then great!) 4. Then let's talk about something more interesting! How are you? Like Poetess1966 said, let's talk about a good book or film instead. The main thing is we're talking.