Anger can destroy or create
This is how I see anger, for me, it might be different for others. Only you can say whether it relates to you or not.
I first became aware of just how much anger I had some years ago. Due to some verbal abuse on the phone combined with extreme exhaustion, my anger boiled over. Normally I control my thoughts, but for just a few minutes I would have been emotionally capable of violence even if I was barely capable of standing (this only happened because of a crash).
Anger is part of what drives my advocacy. Some of the anger is from loss of control, loss of being able to rationally relate with people. Reason is dependent on knowledge - if what you say conflicts with what they "know' or believe or suspect, then what you say is dismissed. If nothing you try works, you feel disempowered. Disempowerment can lead to depression ... but also anger. How people treat us due to their ignorance can also lead to an anger reaction.
I think much of it is also verbal and psychological abuse. Being forced to go somewhere to deal with some matter, given how sick we are, is also physical abuse, though in this case it is psychological or financial abuse to drive us to physically abuse ourselves by doing too much. No wonder we are angry.
Two days ago I went to the pharmacy to renew a script. I was talking to a shop assistant about supplements while waiting for the script to be filled. I left the store as they didn't have so very much, and went to another ... and forgot to come back. These are the kinds of memory issues that plague me these days. It was only yesterday that I figured out what happened. Repeat this by a thousand - and it becomes easy to see why we are angry with ourselves as well. We have expectations of ourselves that we cannot possibly meet.
Anger also arises from isolation. Instead of a supporting network, many of us have nothing of the kind. Indeed, instead, we often have an abusive network, though it is nice to read stories about people whose family and friends are really helpful or at least trying.
So in that sense I agree with jenbooks in post 33. Anger can be used to drive change, but that change can be harmful or useful depending on how rational it is. During the much less angry times, which is most of the time for me, I try to see a useful way forward. If anger arises then I can give it a direction.
On black and white thinking, I cannot concentrate on multiple things. I have to focus really hard to think about things much less effectively than I used to. When focussing that hard, every other consideration is driven out of my mind. In my more cognitively capable moments is where I deal with alternatives. Thinking about alternatives, and thinking about a task, are mentally incompatible for me. They are different ways of thinking. I do one or the other. This singular focus I have on doing tasks can easily lead to "black and white" thinking. If I am focussing on task after task, and especially if very tired, this can look like black and white thinking. I don't think it is, for me, its more that other considerations are gone until I am less exhausted and my mental function is better. At those more rested times is when I do the other types of thinking.
One thing I realized a long time ago. I should not be upset or angry about my own anger. Instead, I can use it as I see fit, though it takes time to redirect anger to something I find beneficial. Anger is natural, its part of us, its only a problem if it dominates us - and we can change that. This does not require a therapist, though the right therapist might help make it happen faster. The only things it requires is figuring out where to redirect it, and to keep redirecting thought toward that end, over and over. What should that be? That is up to each and every person to decide for themselves. Such a decision, by itself, is in a very small way empowering.
To spitfire, anger is natural and expected. It should not be dismissed. If someone dismisses it they are emotionally running away from dealing with it. I wouldn't go to a therapist who took that approach, and I think I understand (at least in my own terms) why such a therapist could make me even more angry - your response is probably more common amongst patients than most of us realize. Many patients know anger, they just don't know what to do with it. I know one time I got very angry with someone who told me to calm down. You needed help, and the therapist was trying to say something like "don't" without guiding you as to how. This is dismissive, and unhelpful. Anger is a driving force. If you could do something of meaning to you, that is within your physical limits, is there a way you can use anger to help you do that? Once anger is directed, it is turned from harmful to useful. I would also consider finding a better therapist, maybe even get into some kind of group therapy. These approaches are not for everyone, only you can decide if something is right for you.
The sad irony is that good therapists are much harder to find due to psychobabble. There is a profound lack of trust between most CFS and ME patients and therapists, and the psychobabble is to blame for that too.
Best wishes, Alex
