I was just discharged from hospital a few hours ago. I had another anaphylactic attack, probably the worst yet. I didn't get better until I had had four shots of adrenaline: 2 epi pens at home and 2 shots given by paramedics. I was so in and out of conciousness that I barely remember any of it. I was rushed to hospital in critical condition and taken straight to resus.
I was then told by a doctor several hours later that there was no evidence of anaphylaxis, that he didn't believe I had anaphylaxis. Not only that, but he only gave me a prescription for one epi pen, not two, even though my attacks are getting to need more epi pens each time and I need a minimum of three at home. He said that no one ever needed 4 shots of adrenaline.
Now let's forget for a moment that I've been diagnosed with Idiopathic Anaphylaxis by two unrelated IMMUNOLOGISTS. Let's forget that I've been living with and trying to understand this condition for a year and in that year I've had 15 or so anaphylactic attacks of varying magnitude. And let's also forget that I was in such an altered state of conciousness that it was totally up to the paramedics to administer two doses of epinephrine, and these medical professionals believed me enough to give me not one, but two further doses. Let's forget all that.
Assuming I am a crazy person with Munchausens, why on Earth would I let myself be put through a bone marrow biopsy knowing I wasn't ill? My back still smarts from that, and I've been on codeine for days. Why would I give up my job, my degree, my former life for this stupid illness? Why wouldn't I just throw my hands up in the air and say “Sorry guys, I was just joking. Let's go back to being normal.”? Why would I put myself through the pain and stress of going to hospital over and over again, having tests and trying to find the issue? For attention? Believe me, I've had more medical attention this year to last me a life time.
It just annoys me because my symptoms of anaphylaxis are no longer so visible. Yes, I used to break out in hives. It changed. I now just get breathing symptoms, increased heart rate, and eventually angioedema of the throat, which if I let it go on long enough, will close off my air supply. So now, I really have to monitor my symptoms to be sure I'm in an attack, and act accordingly. I don't need the voices of doubting doctors in my head at that moment telling me that I'm just faking it. I need to focus on what has been told to me by immunologists (you know, those people that actually know what they're talking about). They have never questioned my presentation and are not phased by the fact that my attacks require more and more epi. They have pegged me as anaphylactic from day one.
Tonight was really scary. In my head, I said my goodbyes to my loved ones in that resus room. No one wants to go through that every day, every other day, every week, every month. To be told on a night like this that you're faking it, that that's your fault. As a former medical professional, that's unforgivable and rude. Even if that doctor felt that way, he should not have said as much. This has happened to me before, but it enrages me every time.
I was then told by a doctor several hours later that there was no evidence of anaphylaxis, that he didn't believe I had anaphylaxis. Not only that, but he only gave me a prescription for one epi pen, not two, even though my attacks are getting to need more epi pens each time and I need a minimum of three at home. He said that no one ever needed 4 shots of adrenaline.
Now let's forget for a moment that I've been diagnosed with Idiopathic Anaphylaxis by two unrelated IMMUNOLOGISTS. Let's forget that I've been living with and trying to understand this condition for a year and in that year I've had 15 or so anaphylactic attacks of varying magnitude. And let's also forget that I was in such an altered state of conciousness that it was totally up to the paramedics to administer two doses of epinephrine, and these medical professionals believed me enough to give me not one, but two further doses. Let's forget all that.
Assuming I am a crazy person with Munchausens, why on Earth would I let myself be put through a bone marrow biopsy knowing I wasn't ill? My back still smarts from that, and I've been on codeine for days. Why would I give up my job, my degree, my former life for this stupid illness? Why wouldn't I just throw my hands up in the air and say “Sorry guys, I was just joking. Let's go back to being normal.”? Why would I put myself through the pain and stress of going to hospital over and over again, having tests and trying to find the issue? For attention? Believe me, I've had more medical attention this year to last me a life time.
It just annoys me because my symptoms of anaphylaxis are no longer so visible. Yes, I used to break out in hives. It changed. I now just get breathing symptoms, increased heart rate, and eventually angioedema of the throat, which if I let it go on long enough, will close off my air supply. So now, I really have to monitor my symptoms to be sure I'm in an attack, and act accordingly. I don't need the voices of doubting doctors in my head at that moment telling me that I'm just faking it. I need to focus on what has been told to me by immunologists (you know, those people that actually know what they're talking about). They have never questioned my presentation and are not phased by the fact that my attacks require more and more epi. They have pegged me as anaphylactic from day one.
Tonight was really scary. In my head, I said my goodbyes to my loved ones in that resus room. No one wants to go through that every day, every other day, every week, every month. To be told on a night like this that you're faking it, that that's your fault. As a former medical professional, that's unforgivable and rude. Even if that doctor felt that way, he should not have said as much. This has happened to me before, but it enrages me every time.