Wall of the World / Food Deprivation / an Ex Life

I've written several blog entries since the last one. Or at least, I tried to. But the words aren't sitting right, serving little purpose beyond their slow meandering into nursing home oblivion. So I am formatting this effort differently.

Meanwhile, I am patiently awaiting the arrival of my future wall art. So yes, things are soon to change in this drab room.

UPDATE: As of 0716 hours this morning, I've received two packages! But how is it that I open these packages? Besides nunchucks and harpoons, weapons are against the rules here. So I'll need to have the activities coordinator pry them open for me with her bare fingers as soon as her fingers (and perhaps the rest of her) become available.


This Week's Highlights, Events, and Antidotes (Totally Out of Order)


Keeping Tablets

I accidentally soaked my tablet in water today, so now it is officially dead to me. Unless it somehow revives itself after drying, I will be unable to make music. Or music videos (or watch Netflix). But, depending upon who you are and how you feel about the things I make, this could be a good thing (or the opposite of that).

*since Black Friday is coming I may be able to secure another tablet cheaply - How? I've already had two residents offer to buy one for me (roommate included), but I don't know how I feel about that.. being indebted to others. That's not my thing.

Point Blank

I was verbally accosted by a nurse (143pm) -

[really, it wasn't all that bad…. I am probably overreacting here]

I got wheeled in from outside so that I could prepare for an appointment that would never materialize. But as I was being helped back into my room, the shift nurse (Nurse Crescent Wrench) decided to have words with me, following me (us) into my room (from the hallway) as the CNA was busily negotiating obstacles.

"You complained that I was not there for you. That I wasn't helping you. So what exactly do you need, RIGHT NOW?"

Uh-oh. Not good, right? She was one of the nurses that skipped my feeding formula (two different times), so she was named in the detailed documentation I provided to the director of nursing. Eleven times there'd been feeding issues in this most recent 30-day timeframe.. but I had to do something.. even knowing I could be targeted.

"What is it that I'm not doing? How may I help you right now? ...since I wasn't there for you before."

As you likely imagine, I was not having fun with this. I was already feeling very poorly, physically wiped out (there's some kind of cold/flu spreading from room to room).

"I thought we had good communication. And then this happens. I DO NOT want to go on report! Why didn't you talk to me first?"

Goodness gracious, right? So I explained it as, EVERYBODY is missing my formula feeds. And then I continued on and on, unnecessarily explaining that I wasn't singling her out specifically.. while also further explaining that I could not continue missing my formula feeds.

*I think later she freaked out when she realized who I was. Yes, Howard… the soon to be crowned, King of Posters!

Both of my CT scan appointments fell through, apparently due to Mercy Care insurance problems/complications. So after this appointment fell through (no medical transport), the higher ups had an impromptu pow-wow (out in the hallway) where things were made known.

Soon thereafter, the Verbally Accosting Nurse came back into my room. Although this time, her tune was changed. She just wanted to help me (versus attacking me).

I think at some point, she realized (or was made to realize) that she f!#$@d up.

Super Cool Condensed Water / Then Brightness

While outside today, I experienced raindrops falling on my head for the first time since 2014. Yes, slightly cold and wet, but worth it.

I also watched the Phoenix Suns win their 13th game in a row. And my roommate watched, too (while QUIETLY playing his new barnyard video game). Yes, quietly.

Other Humans

The person with whom I used to be married sent me an email. At first, I freaked out (for 45-minutes). Then I actually read the email. Then I thought about writing a response (for two hours). Then I wrote a response. Then I consulted my advocate (who happened to call me, just at the right time).

All this while, I was caught outside well after dark, being savagely attacked by a hoard of bloodsucking mosquitoes. But I needed solitude. I required calm quietness.

Later...

By midnight, I set my words in stone, finally dispatching an email response that would inevitably lead to a soul-crushing retort (as did the last one did, three weeks ago…).

Then, two days later, I received a thoughtful response (in comparison to the previous unemotional "being dumped" series of communiques from a few weeks back).

I shall be given some clothing items (a pair of jeans, jacket, hat, sweatshirt), and she's volunteered to continue paying for my phone (my portion is $30 per month), so I can talk to my mother daily. She also volunteered that she could have handled things better.

Speaking of Mother's

One of my sister's is trying to circumnavigate Yours Truly, in regards to gaining access to my mother's bank account. Believing that I was no longer communicating with my ex (which until two days ago, I hadn't been), she asked the former person in my life for bank account passwords and other banking information.

Anyway, my sister won't acknowledge that I am aware of her behind the scenes actions. Nope. She won't answer her phone or respond to text messages.

There goes my applesauce connection. I guess.

Are We Sick Yet?


Everybody here is getting sick. But we don't think it's the coronavirus. No one in our wing has tested positive thus far. I've only been sick for three days now, with a mild sore throat, occasional aches, excess tiredness, and fairly low blood pressure readings (80s over 50s). Usually I'm doing 110 over 75. Almost exclusively.

Why so low? My medical advocate suspects a possible tie-in with my autoimmune system. Or the low BP could be attributed to less overall physical movement.

Eh. Not concerned.

1,000 words I've blown past -

I'm still figuring out how I am going to present my findings… re: the gifted wall art. I'd keep an "update" page up and running, except that I am often unable to affix images to this blog (error messages regarding file size). But if I find a workaround, I intend to do just that.. put on display that which I am about to receive.

Take care, and thank you!
Howard


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Comments

Thanks for your new blog post, Howard. I always look forward to the next episode and am happy to get my fix.

It surprises me that in your skeletal condition, they don't make extra efforts to get you fed regularly and on time.

Your blood pressure is about where mine is, 80s over 50s. It's hard to raise it up. A big meal has helped in the past, but I can't do big meals now, and I know you can't handle much food. Caffeine and water help, but you probably knew that.

Gosh, sorry, you can't get your packages opened. I hope someone will soon come along and help you with it. It will be fun to see your wall decor when it happens.
 
there goes my applesauce connection :lol::lol::lol:

its alight...you got other applesauce connections.:hug:

so ridiculous about the nurses response...yeah, dude...we FEED people. Sorry you had to take that energy on. Why do some caretakers get so angry over survival necessities? so bizarre to me.

Thats a bummer everyone is getting sick! lay low and rest up. I deal with real low bp allll theeee time. Its dysautonomia related for me. Definitely gets worse when sick etc. all of us here send you lots of healing vibes!:star::star::star:

have lots of dreams of those raindrops:angel:
 
Hi Howard,

the sky there is very beautiful today, the blueness on the edges so very blue and intensely lovely. (or was the yesterday's sky?).

There is this thing where some people like to do things for other people, particularly if they can. Its OK to "allow" others to express THEIR needs in this way.

I'd suggest you offer yourself in trade. In exchange for some body getting you a tablet.....you can offer services- these could range from Advice, to a big Ear, to you will compose a Special Musical Composition just for them.
 
Hi, @Howard!

So good to hear from you!

I'm really sorry to hear you are dealing with a cold on top of everything else. I remain astonished about the staff's inability to keep you fed. Seriously. W. T. F. ?

"While outside today, I experienced raindrops falling on my head for the first time since 2014. Yes, slightly cold and wet, but worth it."

This made me so happy for you that I cried! I have always admired your ability to be present wherever you may find yourself.

Take good care, you hear?
 
the sky there is very beautiful today, the blueness on the edges so very blue and intensely lovely. (or was the yesterday's sky?).
It's been oddly overcast the past couple of days, grey winter-like skies. So that other picture was from the day before.

I'd suggest you offer yourself in trade. In exchange for some body getting you a tablet.....you can offer services-
Yeah, I've thought about that. My therapist was always pushing for me to be an online therapist/counselor of some sort. . So I could charge by the session. It's possible somebody somewhere out there wants what I have. Maybe? Haha!

And yeah, I've tried differing approaches, hoping to attain cash over these bed bound years, but my "talents" don't seem to have much value in that respect. Facebook was a serious dead end, too. Perhaps those people (all 17 of them) knew better. :)
 
That exactly what my thought was @Zebra....to lure the health care people in (each candy is individually wrapped, no exchange of viruses, etc.) and hopefully Howard can even suck on one while he's out in the sun. If you'll choke@ Howard, don't do it!!

Some questions for you:

- Are you able to read magazines?
- What type of shorts can you wear? 1 pr. just isn't going to cut it, especially if they're on your body at all times.

- What do you need?/Would like?

- I sent the BB to hang all of the cards that you'll be receiving & some pins
for them;

- I'll leave the posters up to a more knowledgeable group.

You have to help out here, @Howard. I'm sure that no one wants to send you junk, and there have to be certain things you'd really like to have....or think about (remember 'tis the season and all that);

Forget about feeling beholden to people. After all, most people want to give something to someone else. Let Jeff buy you a new whatchamacallit, how are your earphones, any special soaps you desire for shaving, etc? please, I beg of you....help me/help us b/c we want to do something useful and needed. See, you're nice to Jeff (may not always feel nice about him) but you give him something that he's sorely in need of, the people outside also.....so things aren't necessarily the same exchange, just different. You aren't marrying anyone....no strings attached. I promise; we promise.

In plain English, dammit....let us make your Xmas merrier, but tell us what you want or need. (You're a little boy, sitting on Santa's knee now...remember?Forget the train set, though.) Please thank the nurse who actually knew what the Gorilla tape was for and hung the Bulletin Board. Give her a candy or two. Yours, Lenora.
 
As an afterthought, and with some experience with health care…
It IS a good idea to have some chocolate to give away, as long as they are individually wrapped, as lenora have thought of.
Then you have something to give away, they have an opportunity to spike their blood sugar and they feel even more valued.
They have a hard job, and sometimes they are yelled at for no reason, or they run their feet of for lack of staff. My mother and I did the same thing from time to time and it seemed to be highly appreciated. We just left it on the table with the medicines with a note: to the health caregivers. And then, with a nice taste of chocolate fresh in mind, they’ll likely handle the next complaint a bit better.
 
And I truly think my low blood pressure has something to do with me being mildly sick. I keep napping...
I'm wondering if the low blood pressure could be connected to not getting enough fluids? I wish they could give you IV hydration ever once in awhile. Missing meals issue isn't helping with this either. They should know this.

Also, getting blood draw (7 vials) could be contributing to the overall picture of how you've felt the past several days. There have been times I've felt more tired than usual after a blood draw. I know that blood draws are necessary sometimes but I do wonder if they actually need as much blood as they take. I've heard otherwise.

On a higher note, I'm excited and filled with anticipation of packages to come!
 
I'm wondering if the low blood pressure could be connected to not getting enough fluids?
My fluids are okay. If not feeding, I am still always hydrating with straight water. BP 73/48 upon waking - UPDATE: now up to 100/60! No idea what's going on >>> advocate suggests salt, plus an IV. No fever. Will talk to nurse.

I just slept 8 hours (versus my usual 3- 5 hours, despite tooth pain). Blood draw, cold symptoms (mostly gone today :)), intestines not processing fluids, fits this timeline.

Eh. About to take on the difficult task. :-(

@lenora @Hufsamor @Zebra

Right. I think the chocolate will be positively effective once placed. Two nurses are already excited. Will respond to posts later (probably not until this evening) after I recover. :)
 
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You may be asleep again, but that tooth could be abcessed & that's what's causing your sleepiness, BP fluctuations, etc.

On a happier note, I hope you'll be able to stay awake for all the different games today. Goodness, talk about a mother lode for sports lovers! Happy Thanksgiving, Howard, and to all of you who are having a more difficult time of things today. I wish you better health, and I know you're filled with gratitude for what you do have. We do the very best we can. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. :) :chicken::cookie: & thanks for all of you. (The chicken is supposed to represent a turkey.) Take a moment to be grateful and prayerful....many of us are alone today. A special thought for everyone. Yours, Lenora.
 
Happy Thanksgiving, Howard, and to all of you who are having a more difficult time of things today. I wish you better health, and I know you're filled with gratitude for what you do have. We do the very best we can. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. :) :chicken::cookie: & thanks for all of you. (The chicken is supposed to represent a turkey.) Take a moment to be grateful and prayerful....many of us are alone today. A special thought for everyone. Yours, Lenora.
Agreed. Happy Thanksgiving, Lenora.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!!!
 

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