Uuug... another crash!!

I am flat on my back again.....soooo tired. After 23yr with cfs will I ever get used to these total wipe outs:Retro mad: well at least I can be thank full for the fact that I am not bedridden anymore. I asked myself what happened, why the crash....maybe because I had to take another verbal abuse session from my husband.
He's always sorry afterwards, the 10340 so sorry......I had to hear in the 23 years we're together and 21yr marriage . Then again I can be thank full that at least he says he's sorry...suppose there is always something to be thank full for:D maybe now I can get that robotic vacuum....so I don't have to ask my friend or pay my daughter's boyfriend to vacuum the carpets now and then.

Sigh....soooo wiped....my life is like someone walking on this path full of obstacles with everybody I know and don't know throwing junk at me, just to make it more difficult, more painful, more tiring.....how on earth did I make it this far...there is just one answer do that, with the strength and help from God period.My life is plainly hell with a bit of hope here and there just to keep me going...day by day....hour by hour.

What now,I ask myself....eat right,rest, rest, rest.....yes sure, I have a 8 yr old son with reading and spelling problems....sooo lazy, as much as I love him he drains my last bit of energy, moaning moaning moaning, don't want to do his homework, don't eat this and don't eat that, always bored "what can I do, there is nothing to do" lol, at least one of his three wishes will be that his mom gets her health and energy back.

Aaaa yes!!! another one I can be thank full for, very very thank full.....my 16 almost 17yr old daughter calmed down...there is a child I can write a book about, some days I sat with my hair in my hands just crying not knowing how to handle her. The other day I bought her a little fairy ornament, it made me think of something she draw when she was younger....well she broke it apart because I grounded her...why did I ground her because she almost bashed the car window out, just because I did not want to drive back to fetch her mascara, just one little story out of many.

All my life I took abuse from many directions, and by no means am I a "sucker for suffering" it is just "my life", while many others I know cruise trough life, I had to overcome one obstacle after another and did it got easier over the years, by no means just more intense in fact so intense that I start to feel the "light at the end of the tunnel" because I took as much as I can 10 years ago already, but tomorrow I will drag myself out of bed, get my son ready (with trouble) take the two of them to school and the rest...clean the house a bit, rest......hang some clothes....rest, on and on, that's "my life" and I know I am not the only one on this lonely road of suffering.

Comments

Wow. I was with someone who was verbally abusive. He is now gone. He made my illness worse and I couldn't take it. BYE BYE! I am sorry this has happened to you. You deserve better.

Sorry is an excuse. Don't do something or say something to have to be sorry for.

Hang in there.
 
Life sucks. That's for sure. But it's better than no life at all.

How to get young children to eat? Use psychology, that's how.

When I worked as a live in Nanny in the UK, the 5 & 7 yr old children would come home for lunch - cooked lunch.

The first time, Nicholas aged 5 refused what I cooked for him, so I calmly walked over to the rubbish bin & tipped the food out. He looked at me strangely and said "Why did you throw my lunch in the bin?" I said (calmly) "You didn't want it, so I threw it out". There was silence.

The next day, same scenario, & I calmy threw it in the bin. Nicholas must have been pretty hungry missing lunch.

The third day, he ate the lunch I cooked for him, and every lunch there after.

I did the opposite of what he expected. I didn't complain or try to force him to eat (like all his previous Nannies).

I didn't care. He didn't get the reaction out of me that he expected, so he found that HE was the only loser - he was hungry.

Hope this helps. Doing or reacting in the opposite way to what children expect, leaves them mystified & confused.
 
I so recognize the trouble you are having with your daughter. My youngest (the two older ones away working and at college) would act like Kevin (in 'Kevin and Perry Go Large' a really funny movie) saying "I am not your slave" when asked to take the crockery - full of mouldy residue, having been hidden under the bed for a month - to the kitchen...

Beat me up, one time, when I had a broken wrist, because I tried to hurry her, not to be late for school... I could go on, but my point is that we are now good friends, and she is now a mom of two darling boys, with a decent husband,and she makes a better mom than I ever did. It's early days for her though.

I remember one time, I think she was 16 or 17 , we watched that movie I mentioned above together, and both of us were in stitches, tears rolling down our faces, and she said
"I'm just like that, aren't I, sometimes?"

I think, looking back, 15 - 17 was the bad time, before she saw what a fool she was being. Good luck with yours. Nothing is forever.
 
Thanks Jace....I suppose 0-16 was the worst years for me, she is calming down as she learns through hard experiences life is about giving, and she is not going to receive love from her Mom by abusing her, lol, I am in a fatigued body full of pain my ability for unconditional love was left behind somewhere.

I hear you Victoria, and I also know that your advice it is the best method for the best results.....but it is like saying to me, pack your back pack full of rocks and run up that very steep mountain 10 times....so I suppose I have to take consequences for my actions, I always take the easy way out, my cfs motto!!
 
You are having a tough time! I can only think that your living situation is so hard on your health and I really hope that somehow you can either change (probably impossible) or somehow find more peace in it. I really think the idea of finding peace is so important. Good luck!
 
Funny how people think Cort, when I read your bio, I thought, wow how on earth did he do it, to work support himself and being tired and sick all the time...well I wouldn't of mind to live near nature most of the time, that part I envy you. I found my peace long ago but as you know yourself there is days everyting seems to much. This is the first time in my cfs hell I am beable to communicate with others like me, so it was nice to blow of some steam, I will try and write more positive blogs in the future:)
 

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