My father is an artist and I remember one time I went to one of his shows and was in it myself. It was special, we had boothes next to each other and bonded amidst this forest backdrop. You could tell he was proud. Meanwhile, I really don’t dig the whole artist scene overall. I think I’m much more into functional art incorporated into life everywhere. I see everything as a form of art really. In my experience, these scenes run high with ego at times …. And I just could never get into it.
Anyways, And his friend was a sculptor to the right of my tent and I remember this piece he did …. He titled it something along the lines of chaos. And I said I can resonate because it’s such a fine line between calm and chaos. And he says yes, that’s what I’m getting at. One day my wife was alive, one day she was a nurse fighting a secret opioid addiction and she died and I had to raise our daughter alone.
Anyways, I could relate in different ways through so many chapters of my life. At this point I was just sinking into the physical illness 2009ish. And I had JUST got over a mental breakdown in 2007 (absolutely connected to my physical demise, neuro inflammation etc). And I felt myself sliding into the abyss. Like I had a moment of calm …. And here we are off again onto a new journey to Mordor. But there was really no one to tell. Because it was invisible. People kept commenting how great I looked… yet I was dying. I could eat but tablespoons of food a day from the beginning of my demise.
But that’s the thing, people don’t want to know. They need you to keep it cheery and happy…. Because if you poke… and you prod… you may find entire other realities exist beneath the surface of the land of sunshine.
And it’s a very twisted land full of suffering right underneath our noses. And since we are sentient beings, many of us feel this inversion yet can’t pin it and our medical systems gladly numb us up or SSRI us up so we don’t feel it too much. But maybe, many of us in these epidemics of anxiety and depression… simply FEEL the inversion beneath the blue skies. Feel that something isn’t quite right. Maybe, in so many ways, nothing was wrong with so many of us mentally as we were diagnosed but we were guides feeling something larger to alert humanity to. Almost like, is it called a white blood cell? In a cellular scenario. And maybe, the mentally ‘unstable’, once liberated in their understanding, are actually earths immune system. Awakening us from a long slumber to the invader pathogens within.
As George Orwell says in ‘1984’,
“It was curious to think that the sky was the same for everybody, in Eurasia or Eastasia as well as here. And the people under the sky were also very much the same--everywhere, all over the world, hundreds or thousands of millions of people just like this, people ignorant of one another’s existence, held apart by walls of hatred and lies, and yet almost exactly the same--people who had never learned to think but were storing up in their hearts and bellies and muscles the power that would one day overturn the world.”
Here’s a documentary I watched in 2009 ish. I remember it was when I was starting to couch surf more and more from my mystery condition. I was so astounded a complete cardboard city was right underneath my feet as I visited New York City a few years prior.
Humans are truly amazing.
In every shape and form.
And to think some of them have been in this city of darkness for years and years.
The name of the documentary is ‘dark days’. Here’s the first 10 minutes of it.
Another good documentary along the same lines is 'Sunshine Hotel'