Tough Times

Update on myself and why I disappeared from the forums for a couple of months recently. Don't know if it had anything to do with taking Ral or not, but at one of my dr.s appts I found out I had lost nearly 20 lbs! Fluffed it off initially, telling my self it was probably due to the unusually hot summer we had in myrtle beach. As time went on it started to wear on me. By the time my next appt with my rheumy arrived, I was a total basket case! All I could think about was that my time on this earth was drawing to a close. I demanded she run every test possible to figure out what was happening to me. I had lots of xrays, lots of blood drawn, a pelvic ct, an abdominable ct and a complete bone scan. Waiting for all the results all I could think about was dying no matter how hard I tried not to. Eventually all results came back. Apparently I know have R.A. pretty bad and less unsettling diverticulitis. Thankfully no mention of cancer yet, although I'm having an ultrasound tmrw for some calcification they saw in one of the tests. From start to finish it was nearly 2 months of severe depression over this. I couldn't join in any chat rms feeling the way I did. Just recently i've been able to starting participating again with some posts. I do want to appologize for my absence, because you are like family to me and family should be the first to know. I'm sure you would have made me feel better during those dark days. Hopefully ultrasound will be o.k. and I'll learn to live with these new symptons, like I don't have enough already! Once again, sorry for my absence, and I hope to get back to chatting real soon.


All I can say is, try not to let it get you too down. I think the challenge is in how we deal with this stuff. But the more down you feel, the more it weakens the immune system.
JimBob, I know saying "hang in there" is very trite-sounding.... but that is my supportive thought for you. Wishing you the best for clear ultra-sound results, and that you can be on your way to restabilize to a predictable baseline. Wishing you strength and support during all of this..... I hope the treatment options for the RA are ones you will be able to tolerate.
Hi jimbob,

You've been missed. Wishing you the best on all test results. Easier said than done, but please don't worry.

:hug:Hi Jimbob,

So glad you are back. Waiting that long for medical tests is very stressful. I just went through a few myself and it's so hard until you know what they say. Here's hoping for the best outcome on the rest of them.
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your thoughts and kind words. It's nice to have such a big family. Hopefully the new year will be good to all of us.
Hi Jimbob,
welcome back. I'm sorry you've been through it these past few months. I'm keeping my hope high for you and these final tests. I know how you feel, sometimes just needing to crawl into a hole for a while. All the while knowing we probably need others around more than anything. I just have to keep reminding myself not to beat myself up no matter which path I chose that day. Instead, we must remember each experience is a lesson we take with us for the next one. hang in there jimbob. and welcome back! :)

Ack! What a long and stressful trial. Glad you're back, and glad the news was not worse than it was...You can deal with RA and diverticulitis, you can. And I encourage you, as best you can, not to spend your precious energy on worrying. Whenever you catch yourself worrying, take it as your cue to remind yourself you are doing everything possible to take the best possible care of yourself. It's a big job, and you're a superhero for doing it! Give yourself a pat on the back for having demanded all the tests and gotten through such a big sprawling dark patch.
Hi Jim
Isn't it possible that one of the drugs you were on contributed to your anxiety or depression?
I seem to recall one of the women in the valcyte trial wound up with depression or mood problems..
Apols if I'm off base.. but you were trying out antiretrovirals, right?
I was on Ral for a few weeks and don't know if that had anything to do with the weight loss. Anxiety and depression came from fretting about the weight loss and than waiting for all the tests to come back. Before all this, just your basic cfs/me garden variety depression. Thanks for your concern though.
i have been where your at many many times :( as leela said you need to give yourself a BIG pat on the back for not staying in the funk of that depression and trying to get a handle on it.
i have been so scared i would shy away from testing(stupid!) also if i read a lot about disturbing symptoms it make me even more depressed, so sometimes it's good to take a break from all the reading.
glad your back, and good luck with your results


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