Things People Say

I had met someone recently. And he led me on for a few weeks, really making me believe we could have a relationship. And then tonight, he said to me that he thought about it and he can't deal with my disability. He can't deal with the fatigue. So, I've just been crying all night over it. He said alot of things all aimed at tearing me down. He threw everything in my face from the disability comment to my religious beliefs. It was bad. Really bad. So I guess I could use alittle support cause being told to your face that you basically suck for a thousand reasons and that your disability is one of them was really that bad. :(



So sorry that you were at the receiving end of unkindness.

This man has his own big problems and has not even begun to grapple with his own fears in any shape or form.

Don't take his thoughtless comments on board, say no to them, uproot them and thow them out of your life. And then plant some beautiful blooms in your garden. Nourishing words of love, respect and worthiness.

Lots and lots and lots of hugs to compensate for the idiotic things said to you.
So sorry this happened to you, Carrigon. You deserve so much better than this. Just let the anger and sadness wash through and out of you. Try not to hold onto it is only hurting you and not him. He isn't worth the pain you are feeling.

You are cared about here by many.

Thanks. He used the dreaded fatigue word. He actually flat out said to me that he cannot deal with my fatigue :(((((((((((((
Ouch. That's clearly someone trying to project their problems onto you, which is a really unfair thing to do, especially to someone sick. We are all with you here. I hope you and all of us can get away from toxic people!
Carrigon, I am so sorry to hear this. What a jerk. At least it wasn't long term and that does not help, but in a couple of weeks you will hopefully be out of the abyss. The good news!! It sounds like you are well enough to meet someone! It always seems as though you are really too sick to do much of anything without paying, so there is HOPE here in that you "met" someone and were able to at least try and have a dating situation.

I think for CFS folks, dating is so hard. Take care of yourself.
@Spitfire He had told me he doesn't like to go out much, so that would have been okay for me, someone to just do things once in awhile. But then as we got closer, he was all of a sudden saying he wanted to go out and do alot and then it was, I can't deal with your fatigue, I want to go out more. So, obviously, he was full of it when it came to saying he didn't want to go out much and that he could handle my being sick.

The last few weeks, something did happen with my health, but I don't know if it will last and that's why I haven't posted about it. They changed manufacturers of my thyroid medication. And all of a sudden, within a day or two of being on the new formula, I've had three times the energy. I can do three times more in a day than I could do before. And I'm scared it won't last. But I actually have a bit more energy and stamina than I've had in years. Also, I stopped microwaving my food and within a month or so of that, my sex drive started to come back and my periods have almost regulated. So something is going on with that and the hormones. I don't know, I've been better for alittle while, but not fine. I'm still getting POTS attacks. I still have acid reflux and alot of other things. But the energy and the stamina are better. I just don't know if it will last.
Carrigon, His comments say a lot more about him than they do about you. HE can't deal and not only that but he has to resort to being nasty about it and striking out at you to try to make himself feel better about not being able to handle it. It sucks that he treated you that way, though.
I think if someone starts dating someone with an illness, if they can't handle it, the best thing to do is not say too much. To just say, "I don't think I can handle being with someone who is ill." Even if that is hard to hear, it's honest and they shouldn't get into the specifics. If it was me, I wouldn't want to hurt an ill person who can't help it. People can be tactless.

On the good side, that is great that you have so much energy and I hope whatever it is lasts!! I know your excursion to the grocery store was a bad deal for you. You need some relief. The thyroid seems to really hurt people energy wise.
I'm just scared it won't last. All I know is, a few days after the newer formula, I went out with my friend and we went to several places. We went to an indoor yard sale, we went for iced coffee at Dunkin Donuts, we went to get free french fries at another place cause we had coupons. And then we went for pizza and to the dollar store. We did that all in one day. Now you know, normally, just one of those places would have killed me totally. But I was able to be out with her and do all that. I started to get lightheaded at the pizza place. And was dying in the dollar store, but for me, that was an amazing amount of things to be able to do in one day. And then I still had the massive flare up afterwards. But the main point is, we did alot and I was able to do so much more than usual. So something is definitely going on. But I still have the POTS lightheaded thing, the acid reflux, the fibro pain, fatigue, all that, it's just I can do a bit more in one day. I don't know if it will last. Nothing ever seems to. But right now, it's been better than I've been. If this guy hadn't flared me up, I probably would have been okay today. But he has managed to drain me dry. And I'm flared now.
Carrigon, what a jerk he was. The unkind words were his, they belong to him, not you. Reject them, and be lucky, you wouldn't want to get tied to a guy like that, so it sounds like you had a lucky escape.

I'm on an upswing too, and I'm scared it won't last. It is so lovely to have a bit of energy, I cry tears of relief. This illness is a rollercoaster ride, isn't it? I guess we have to look after ourselves (all the usual stuff, eat right, stay within the energy envelope, keep taking the pills) and not worry too much, says I who is scared as I said.

Be well, sweetheart. Look after you.
good thing he showed his true colors before it went too far! You don't need a moron like that alongside you during these tough times. Once you (we) all get better, you'll have the pick of the litter! Have these guys fill out a little questionaire before you date them, so you don't have to waste your time.
Even without CFS, many people are suffering, tormented, unhappy, needy, resentful, ashamed, lost, etc. Life is a struggle. So this fellow probably is all of those--and his comments to you are more a reflection of his own unmet needs, disappointment, etc. He probably didn't mean to hurt you, was just insensitive. Good to find out early he's not a potential friend or companion. Don't take it personally, though.
so many people are uncomfortable with our illness—it must have tweaked some of his deeper (hidden) fears about himself. Most people of normal health are clueless about our condition, and therefore overestimate what they can emotionally handle regarding our condition. It takes much courage to open your heart…I hope that next time you receive the compassion and acceptance and cherishing that you truly deserve.

Wow! Maybe I’ll cut down on my microwaving? (I can be such a slave to convenience.) I hope your new energy level continues.
I still had the energy today. And I had one of the worst days of my life, but I still had that energy. First, I found out that guy who said that to me, he lied about almost everything. His mother sent me a letter, alot of things he said were lies. And he's mentally ill and on drugs for it. So there you go. Shocking and depressing.

But we also had a false alarm gas leak in my building. Always fun to have firemen at your door telling you to evacuate because your neighbor "thought" she smelled something. No one else did and they didn't find a single thing. But her phone call was enough to have the entire building evac'd for hours. And then it rained like crazy when they finally let us come back in. I got soaked and now I've got the chills seriously badly. But I had energy to walk over to the senior center where they told us to go across street and sit there for hours and then walk back and I'm still not dead. However, I must have picked up something being around everyone and the rain cause I am so cold and shaking from it. But I definitely have more stamina, I couldn't have done this a few weeks ago.

And the sex drive is definitely back. Whether that's from the new thyroid formula or the not microwaving the food anymore, I don't know. All I know is, it hasn't been back like this in years. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the microwave oven, constant radiation all this time. It should only last.

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