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The Truth Will Out

In May, Dr Fred Hui had me try TMG and SAMe. These are components of the methylation pathway. I still have no clue why he started me with these two rather than folate and B12, but it may have been related to my story about my tongue swelling up.

I developed the worst soul-sucking depression and trust me all my years of Bipolar left me well-acquainted with depression. This one was bad. And the suspicion and borderline paranoia that used to be part of my Bipolar picture was back.

I was so immersed in my symptoms that I was incapable of even the most basic cause and effect processing and took the SAMe for longer than made sense. But finally, depressed and fogged, I did quit.

A couple of days later it finally happened. This isn't exactly a highlight of my career and it was a horrible day filled with bad memories. We had to do a ward search for drugs and because of this I missed supper. My blood sugar was low and I was tired from doing a ward search. It would be nothing for me to do today but back then it was strenuous.

At this time, there was a medical emergency. A patient had food lodged in his esophagus and instead of taking a drink or something, he just kept eating. He was in real distress.

I took the patient into the treatment room to wait for the Dr. There was no where to sit and I was in big trouble. I was entering a full Orthostatic Intolerance attack. I could only concentrate on how I was going to be able to sit down. My mind fogged in.

From the patients perspective he was well cared for. I helped him to clear his saliva and gave him a lot of reassurance and kept him calm while we awaited a surgeon. But from a nursing perspective there were no vital signs done which is pretty basic stuff.

There was my answer. In a medical emergency my training would not take over. I could not trust myself to perform at any level approaching excellence if I had to stand for more that a few short minutes. Most medical emergencies do not include opportunities to sit.

I reported myself to the hospital as unsafe to practice. In the next entry, I go into being let go from work. Writing this blog has been difficult, all sorts of emotions are dragged up and none are good.

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stridor
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